


Silent Truth

by all_stories_are_truth_and_lies



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boyfriends, Drama, First Time, Homosexuality, Love, M/M, Malec, Malec Love, Malec Sex, Malex, Shadowhunters - Freeform, True Love, alec lightwood - Freeform, alexander lightwood, half-canon, magnus bane - Freeform, malec first time, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-06-04
Packaged: 2018-09-26 13:53:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 64,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9901226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_stories_are_truth_and_lies/pseuds/all_stories_are_truth_and_lies
Summary: "Magnus, you have nothing to worry about…I want this."Whatever worries or reservations that may have still lurked in the darkness of Magnus’s mind vanished completely in this moment. He could almost literally hear his self-control ripping in two.My version of what should have happened following the last Malec scene of 207 and reworking of events in all the episodes up to the finale. Lots of sex and angst because that's what I live for, basically the story of Malec's epic love of course.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> UPDATE - so originally this started as a one/two shot based on the missing Malec sex scene in 2017nbut has evolved into this whole other story I didn't intend on, mostly thanks to you guys and your amazing feedback on this story. So now will go from 207 to the winter finale. Hope everyone is still enjoying it!

_Magnus, you have nothing to worry about…I want **this**. _

Magnus barely heard the final word leave Alec’s mouth before he felt the Shadowhunter’s lips crash against his own. Instinctively Magnus closed his eyes and leaned into the kiss, he could feel Alec’s hands at his chest, hurriedly fiddling with the buttons of his shirt, eager fingers tangling in the beads that hung from the Warlock’s neck. Magnus was vaguely aware he was moving, being guided backwards by the man pinned to him. It was only when the back of his knees bumped against the familiar satin of his bedspread did he realise they were in his bedroom. As his brain finally caught up with his body and the need for air overtook him Magnus broke his lips away from Alec’s.

 

‘Alexander…’ he said breathlessly, eyes opening slowly he saw a panting Alec standing before him.

 

Alec however took the momentary separation of their lips as the opportunity to pull his sweater over his head, tossing the dark green garment to one side revealing his glorious runed torso. His arms quickly lunged forward roughly grabbing the hem of Magnus’s shirt jerking it upwards, beads along with it. Shoes were also quickly discarded. Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn, stood completely powerless against the young Shadowhunter’s desire. Eyes filled with something that made Magnus’s groin strain and heart clench Alec grabbed him by the waist, hauling his body flush against him, a groan escaping his lips as burning skin met skin. Magnus felt Alec’s hands settle on his lower back, moulding the Warlock’s body to his as he guided their mouths back to one another. Magnus could have sworn he heard his name fall from Alec’s in a rough whisper as their lips met again more fiercely than before.

 

Despite the desire he felt rising in his body Magnus willed himself to find the strength to obey the voice in his head telling him to stop, that this was going too fast, they needed to talk before things went too far. It was the voice which had yelled loudly when Alec first came in and flung himself into Magnus’s arms, however now it was quieter, another voice was starting to take over. The one that revelled in the feel of Alec’s firm body close to his, of the feel of his hands and lips, the voice that wanted to take him so desperately. But as Alec pushed his tongue into his mouth Magnus silenced the rational voice, revelling in the feel of Alec, his ringed hands delving into Alec’s black tresses as their tongues warred forcefully. Alec had never kissed him like _this_ before. Magnus’s entire nerve endings were on fire, his body more alive and desperate than any magic he’d experienced before.

 

Suddenly Alec’s lips were gone, moving hurried and fast across Magnus’s face, skimming his jaw, throat and collarbone, nipping his skin a few times though he was more tentative than before. Whilst Alec’s lips explored the Warlock’s upper body, the hands at his waist slid lower and gripped somewhat clumsily at Magnus’s ass, squeezing the soft flesh through the denim of his jeans. Unable to elicit any other reaction due to a combination of arousal and utter shock Magnus whimpered as Alec drove their bodies even closer together.

_When did Alec become so bold?_  The hazy question floated through Magnus’s mind as the Shadowhunter sucked at the pulse point on his neck. They had kissed plenty and things had gotten pretty hot and heavy recently, tentatively exploring each other but never like this. Alec had never been so desperate, so eager…so lustful. Any semblance of rational thought was quickly gone as Alec’s hands moved between their bodies, fumbling to release the buckle of Magnus’s belt. The warrior fingers so expertly used to gripping his bow struggled somewhat as they shakily unfastened Magnus’s fly. Magnus could feel Alec’s heart thundering against his chest, his breath ragged as he ran his fingers up the thick hard bulge, moulding his hand against it.

 

Magnus growled and bucked against Alec’s hand, harder than he could ever remember being before. Whatever worries or reservations that may have still lurked in the darkness of Magnus’s mind vanished completely in this moment. He could almost literally hear his self-control ripping in two. He grabbed Alec’s wrist, yanking his hands away before roughly grabbing the Shadowhunter to reverse their positions. Alec now standing before the bed stared opened mouthed, bare and sweat glistened chest heaving before Magnus launched himself at him. Catching Alec by the neck Magnus covered his lips with a kiss which sent tremors through his entire body. The kiss was hard and rough, Magnus claiming Alec for his own, so much so his lips were bruised when they pulled apart. With more physical strength than Alec expected Magnus shoved him back onto the bed.

 

Magnus allowed himself a moment to take in the scene before him, Alec’s perfect 6’3” body splayed exquisitely across the bed, olive runed skin stunning against the dark crimson bed sheets. Magnus’s eyes memorised every inch of him; his strong arms, his toned muscles, the smattering of black hair across his chest, the faded runes that covered his skin. Magnus wanted to kiss each and every one. In this moment Magnus was certain he’d never seen anything as beautiful, nor had he ever wanted anything, anyone so badly. He wanted to taste Alec, hear him moan and come undone, screaming Magnus’s name. He wanted to bury himself inside of him and lose himself completely.

 

Decided he would have wanted he wanted, needed so badly, with a wave of his hand Magnus magicked Alec’s own belt and pants buttons open. Before Alec had time to react Magnus was atop him, mouth devouring his and pressing his body hard into the bed. Alec mewled against Magnus lips as the Warlock’s tongue thrust into his mouth, much rougher than Alec had been, whilst at the same time grinding his hips against Alec’s, feeling him thick and hard.

 

Alec’s hand’s roamed clumsily at Magnus’s sides and back, as if trying to find something to hold onto. Roughly Magnus broke their kiss grabbing Alec’s arms pinning them above the Shadowhunter’s head before moving his lips to Alec’s neck, kissing and sucking at his hot skin. Magnus felt the old-familiar beast inside him rising, the lustful demon who demanded payment with control and sex. Keeping one hand on Alec’s arms Magnus slowly moved his mouth lower, tracing a path from Alec’s jaw and collarbone to his chest, kissing and tasting him as he went, with his tongue and his teeth. Magnus grinned against the darkened runes as Alec writhed and moaned above him. Magnus’s delicate yet powerful hands followed his lips, touching everywhere he could as he moved even lower, his tongue tracing down Alec’s firm stomach, dipping into his belly button causing the Shadowhunter to gasp. Eventually Magnus settled at his destination, his hand moving to the hard bulge straining against Alec’s half open fly. Magnus now saw the light blue of Alec’s underwear and bit his lip.  Hungrily he reached out, sliding his hand inside between the denim and cotton fabric. Alec’s reaction was instantaneous and wild as he bucked violently at Magnus’s touch.

 

‘Magnus!’ the Warlock’s name was a desperate, almost pained hiss from his lips.

 

It was a subtle tone in Alec’s voice, some may not have heard it but simply put it down to being lost in the passion of the moment but Magnus heard it. He looked up and saw Alec looking down at him, eyes full of lust, wonder and something else, something which tore at Magnus’s soul…fear. It was only for the briefest of moments but it was enough to snap Magnus’s mind back. Once again he took in the sight of Alec before him; chest heaving, sweat soaked skin, dishevelled hair, swollen lips and a bemused innocent look upon his face. Magnus jumped back instantly, sitting up, away from Alec, his own heart thundering in his chest as he forced himself to regain some form of control.

 

‘Magnus?’ Alec repeated his voice softer now, questioning as he sat up. ‘What’s wrong?’

 

Magnus didn’t speak for a moment, still trying to gather himself. ‘Alexander…’ he breathed heavily, hands instinctively tracing his lips still humming from Alec’s. ‘We can’t…we shouldn’t…I think we should slow down for a moment.’

 

Though Magnus couldn’t see his face he knew the frown set upon Alec’s face as he spoke, ‘What, why?’

 

‘I’m sorry Alexander.’ Magnus said honestly, for he truly was. ‘I shouldn’t have let it get that far, I shouldn’t have been so…’

 

Alec edged closer, pressing his chest against Magnus’s back. ‘What? I don’t understand, Magnus, we talked about this…’

 

Magnus flinched at the fire he felt when their bodies touched. Quickly he stood up and shook his head, still not looking at Alec ‘No Alexander, I spoke but you didn’t listen.’

 

Magnus heard as Alec rose from the bed; he set his hands on Magnus waist and forced him to face him. ‘Magnus I told you, I want this.’

 

‘I don’t.’ Magnus said simply.

 

Alec’s hands fell away instantly, his face contorted in pain as though Magnus had physically struck him. It took all of Magnus’s strength not to pull him back to him.

 

‘Not like this.’ Magnus added but Alec still looked confused. ‘You’re not ready.’

 

‘I am.’ Alec replied defiantly, though his eyes did not match the certainty of his voice.

 

‘Fine, we’re not… _I’m_ not.’ Magnus said.

 

Alec took a step backwards, despite himself Magnus couldn’t stop casting an eye over his perfect body, the way his half open jeans hung loose on his hips. Magnus shut his eyes and willed himself to push the dark thoughts from his mind.

 

‘I…I don’t understand…I thought you wanted to, I mean you seemed…I thought you were…’ Alec murmured. ‘Did I do something wrong?’

 

Magnus opened his eyes instantly; he almost laughed at the sheer ridiculousness of the question but knew that would not help what was already a precarious situation.

 

‘Of course not Alexander, I do want to be with you but I meant what I said earlier.’ Magnus said as earnestly as he could, praying Alec would hear him this time. ‘I may be experienced but this, _you_ , is different. How I feel about you…’ Magnus’s voice faltered slightly. ‘I don’t want to ruin this by rushing things.’

 

‘It won’t, this will bring us closer.’ Alec responded eyes more hopeful once more.

 

Magnus sighed at the young Shadowhunter’s naivety; he needed to make him understand. ‘Alexander…’

 

Alec stepped closer to him, ‘No Magnus, listen to me, I want to do this. I want to be with you like this…completely.’ Alec searched Magnus’s face for some sign of acceptance, his eyes fell down to the very obvious bulge in Magnus’s pants. ‘I thought you wanted…me.’

 

Magnus felt more than heard the pain in the last word and cursed himself again for letting tonight have gone this far.

 

‘I do want you Alexander, very much, I think what just happens proves that…’ Alec opened his mouth to interrupt but Magnus shut him down with a curt look. ‘but _this_ is all so new for you. You’re still figuring out so much, what you’re feeling, what you want. I worry if we do this tonight, then you may…’ Magnus paused. ‘I don’t want this…’ _Me,_ he thought. ‘…to be something you regret.’

 

Magnus final few words were so quiet he wasn’t sure Alec heard them. Certain his self-control was firmly in tact now Magnus stepped forward and placed his hand on Alec’s arm, ‘You don’t have to prove anything Alexander.’

 

The words were meant as a comfort, to reassure Alec and ease the obvious tension and uncomfortableness Alec now felt but instead they seemed to do the opposite. The confused and hurt expression on Alec’s face was gone; instead a dark resentment flooded his usually angelic features.

 

‘I’m not.’ He spat bitterly, shrugging his arm free.

 

His voice was hard and cold. It was a tone Magnus had not heard from Alec in a long time, not since their argument prior to Alec’s doomed wedding, the words Alec had spewn bitterly at him, _You have know idea how I feel._

 

Magnus hand hung in the air for a moment, for once the Warlock unsure of what to say or do next, distraught at how quickly it had all gone wrong. There was no magic that could fix this. Alec turned away from Magnus and reached for his discarded sweater, dragging it on.

 

‘Alexander, I didn’t mean to…’ Magnus began. ‘Please let’s talk about this.’

 

‘There’s nothing to talk about.’ Alec said coolly as he hastily did up his pants.

 

‘Please…’ Magnus said stepping closer to Alec just as he turned, almost colliding with the Warlock and flinched. With unsurprising grace due to his Shadowhunter training Alec dodged out of his path, ensuring he wouldn’t have to physically touch Magnus.

 

‘Look I get it ok, I’m fine Magnus.’ Alec said clumsily shoving his feet into his shows. ‘I just…I need to go.’

 

Magnus heart ripped in two as he heard the crack in Alec’s voice as he struggled with the final few words and fled the bedroom without a look back to Magnus, though he saw the tears in the Shadowhunter’s eyes in the mirror. Magnus followed him but Alec used his Shadowhunter speed to flee before the Warlock could make it to the hall, Magnus could have stopped him with magic but as the heavy loft door slammed violently shut he knew he had to let him go. In their brief time together Magnus had learnt Alec was not someone to be pushed, he needed to come to things in his own time.

 

So Magnus stood alone, barefoot and bare chested, cursing himself and wishing by all the gods he could go back and start this night over. Something black caught his attention from the corner of his eye, he picked up Alec’s forgotten leather jacket, Magnus felt a pained pull in his chest as he brought it to his face and breathed in the smell of Alec as a tear slid down his cheek.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for the amazing comments so far, I'm glad people are enjoying this. This was originally intended as a short scene but evolved and ended up as a whole chapter, I just really enjoy Jalec friendship and kinda been missing it on the show lately. I also wanted to write more from Alec's POV.
> 
> There will be Malec in the next chapter promise!

The cool night air hit Alec like a blast of icewater as he flung himself out of Magnus’s building onto the near deserted Brooklyn street. He shuddered, the skin on fire only moments ago now goosepimpled as he realised he’d left his jacket upstairs. He didn’t care, he couldn’t go back there. He had to get as far away as possible, he couldn’t let Magnus see him like that. He couldn’t let Magnus see him break.

 

Alec’s chest ached as he remembered the gut-wrenching pain tearing at his insides as Magnus spoke, the he look of pity etched onto the Warlock’s elegant features as he uttered the words which pierced Alec’s soul more than any blade before.

 

_You don’t have to prove anything Alexander._

Alec shut his eyes tight as though trying to somehow erase the memories but he couldn’t get Magnus’s face out of his mind. Alec didn’t understand what happened, what had gone so wrong. He’d been so clear to Magnus what he wanted and he thought Magnus did too. Despite Alec’s lack of romantic experience he was so sure Magnus had wanted him, why else would he have acted so... then Alec’s mind shifted. Maybe that’s just how Magnus was, how he’d been with the 17,000 before Alec.

 

The hurt burning inside him suddenly twisted into something else, an old familiar voice crept into his mind. What if it had been Alec, what if he hadn’t been good? Alec knew Magnus was beyond experienced, he’d said it himself again tonight and it hadn’t truly hadn’t bothered him but now as Alec thought back over how the night had unfolded, fear and humiliation flooded his body. He physically winced as he remembered the way he’d launched himself at Magnus seconds after walking through the door, shoved him into the bedroom tearing at his clothes, fumbling and grabbing at him like some inexperienced horny teenage virgin. What did Alec expect to happen? That the centuries old bi-sexual Warlock who could reduce Alec to a babbling mess with as little as a look would be impressed with that seduction style, let alone be turned on.

 

Alec heard Magnus’s words, saying he didn’t want to rush this, that Alec would regret it. Though deep in the back of his mind there was some part of his brain that heard the sincerity in Magnus’s words it was drowned out by another raging inside, cursing Alec’s pitiful inexperience, certain Magnus was trying to let him down gently. Alec remembered Magnus’s words from their first date.

 

_But you’re so…innocent._   

 

Tears stung at his eyes and Alec dug his nails hard into his palms to stop them from falling but it was no use, he could feel his cheeks were already wet. Something inside him broke and he ran, not towards the Institute or in any direction in particular but just away, away from here, away from Magnus. Alec was so lost he did not hear the voice calling his name, confused from across the street.

 

He ran blurry eyed, occasionally knocking into late night party revellers falling out of bars and restaurants, too adrift to think about activating his invisibility or silencing runes. His mind was so far gone he was completely surprised when he felt a strong hand tug at his arm. Alec reacted instinctively, spinning his body utilising the immense strength and speed for which he had dedicated his life cultivating as he thrust his attacker backwards slamming them fiercely against an alley wall.

 

‘Alec! What the hell? Jace yelled, wincing as his back hit the hard brick.

 

Alec stepped back and released his parabatai causing Jace to slide down, doubling over slightly as he caught his breath. Alec didn’t answer him but turned away, hands quickly rubbing his face, desperately wiping away the tears that would not stop falling.

 

‘You ok?’ Jace asked stretching up once more. 

 

‘I’m fine.’ Alec snarled, clenched hands falling to his side.

 

‘Clearly.’ Jace murmured adjusting his leather jacket.

 

The two men stood there in silence for a moment, Alec still with his back to Jack staring off into the Brooklyn night, chest heaving. Jace studied his brother, he didn’t need the parabatai bond to tell him something was seriously wrong with Alec, pain and rage vibrating off his whole body. Jace had experienced these emotions through their bond many times before, especially anger, Alec often kept things pent up inside for so long they came out in dark bursts but this felt different. This anger wasn’t drawn from a feeling of frustration or being wronged, it felt deeper, guttural, internal…Alec was angrier than he’d been before, but apparently with himself. There were a cadre of other emotions Jace was not used to experiencing via their bond, and though all were intertwined and tinged with the deep rage Jace still felt them; shame, embarrassment, disappointment, longing, desire and also…lust?

 

 Finally Jace let out a small breath, ‘Alec, did something happen…with Magnus?’

 

‘No.’ Alec bit back.

 

Jace rolled his eyes, so Alec was in that sort of mood, Jace knew he had to tread carefully.

 

‘C’mon, let’s go get a drink.’ He said tugging on Alec’s elbow.

 

Alec turned to him, a dark glare in his eyes. ‘I don’t want a drink, besides you smell like you’ve had enough.’

 

Alec glared; tequila, cheap perfume and sweat, clearly no one had kicked Jace of their bed tonight.

 

Jace rolled his eyes, ‘Fine, then be a good friend and make sure I get some coffee to sober up.’ He said nodding towards the diner across the street.

 

Alec frowned and realised he had no idea where they were but felt a slight relief for at least that meant they must be far away of Magnus’s. Regardless Alec did not feel like talking, about anything and at least of all to Jace, he opened his mouth to argue further but Jace was already prodding him in the direction of the harsh neon lights.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Thanks….’ Jace said glancing at the waitresses name tag as she poured two cups of coffee. ‘…Jenny.’

 

Jace flashed his usual Jace smile causing the woman to blush. She had to be in her mid to late thirties and not particularly attractive, she had that look of someone who’d lived a hard life already. Regardless she was a woman and Jace couldn’t help but flirt, the raging beast inside Alec growled at the ease at which Jace could do this, flirt with someone he had absolutely no interest in whatsoever, it was as if it was in his DNA. Alec wondered if he’d ever even have 10% of the confidence possessed by his parabatai.

 

‘No worries honey, can I get you something to eat?’ Jenny said in a girlish manner which usually would have caused Alec to roll his eyes, however right now he had neither the energy nor interest. She hadn’t even looked in Alec’s direction, her attention, as was the case with most people focused solely on the grinning blonde opposite him.

 

Jace gave a light shake of his head, ‘Coffee’s good for now, thanks.’ He replied reaching out for the steaming cup, adding a quick wink at the end.

 

This time instinct took over and Alec rolled his eyes as Jenny let out a small giggle.

 

‘Give me a holler if you need anything.’ She said before wandering off to fill the cups of the other late night diners.

 

Jace nodded in thanks but Alec said nothing, did nothing to show any form of participation in their ridiculous little exchange. He just sat staring darkly at the cup in front of him.

 

Jace raised his own to his lips and took a sip, wincing slightly at the scalding liquid, Jace Wayland never was one for patience. Whether it was a fight, a woman or a cup of coffee Jace took what he wanted when he wanted it, rarely ever thinking about the consequences. His parabatai on the other hand could not have been more different, Alec was a thinker, an over-thinker in all honesty, he would assess each and every potential outcome for every situation, weigh up the options and take the path of least resistance, the most logical. Alec rarely ever went off the agreed plan or acted rashly. When things went right Alec accepted it as the appropriate outcome for his careful planning but when things didn’t Alec couldn’t handle it. He would obsess and fixate on every detail until he found the answer to what had gone wrong, what he had done wrong, in Alec’s mind it was always his fault. The burden of the first born and Lightwood name Jace supposed. And from what Jace was feeling through the bond tonight, the self-doubt, the anger, the pain, something had gone very wrong.

 

Jace contemplated telling Alec about his and Clary’s run in with Valentine and the angel, the vision he had shared with them about the Soul Sword, wondering if initial distraction might bring Alec round and at least talking about something. But Jace pushed the thought from his mind, knowing Alec as he did that his parabatai would use this new danger to run away from whateve had happened tonight. Besides Clary was with Luke, and Simon, Jace thought darkly, nothing would happen tonight. Right now Jace knew his brother needed him; the war with Valentine could wait one night.

 

‘So…’ Jace said setting his cup back down.  ‘Are you going to tell me what’s going on?’

 

Alec let out a deep grunt, stretching backwards against the booth. ‘Nothing, I told you.’

 

‘Not buying it, parabatai remember?’ Jace said trying to keep his voice light. ‘Even if we weren’t your jaw is set so tight it looks like it’s been wired shut. Talk to me Alec.’

 

Alec shifted uncomfortably, as if he suddenly only just remembered their bond, worrying about exactly what Jace felt through it. He tried to remember what he’d felt in the past when Jace had been…occupied. Mostly Alec remembered going to the training room, taking his resentment out on the nearest punching bag or unlucky first year recruit.

 

‘Why won’t you let this go?’ Alec asked trying to keep his voice under control.

 

Jace let out an annoyed sigh and looked Alec dead in the eyes, ‘Look I know I was a dick this morning and pretty much since all the stuff with my…Valentine happened, but you stood by me through all of that, even when no one else would. You’re my brother Alec, whatever it is, I’m here ok? Just talk to me man.’

 

Alec said nothing.

 

‘Did something… _happen_ with Magnus tonight?’ Jace said quietly, his tone conveying exactly what he meant.

 

Jace had figured it out pretty much from the moment Alec let him go in the alley, from where Jace had first seen him fleeing from Magnus’s apartment, the hurt and confused look on Alec’s face as well as the ream of emotions pulsing off him all pointed to one thing. Not to mention Alec had the most messed up bed hair and his pants were half undone.

 

Still Alec said nothing; however his eyes darted downwards, suddenly fixated on his coffee.

 

‘Look I know we’ve never really talked about, about that…but if you…I mean when two people…’ Jace cleared his throat, not sure what to say next, he felt so uncomfortable. Usually he had no problems talking about sex whatsoever but this was different, this was Alec. Jace tried to push the awkwardness aside. ‘Alec you don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.’

 

‘What?’ Alec asked his voice stunned. He looked up at Jace who was looking back with an expression somewhat between total embarrassment and sincerity.

 

‘Magnus shouldn’t be pressuring you…’

 

Alec lent forward and repeated, ‘What?’ he shook his head, the sheer ridiculous of what Jace said forced the words out he desperately wanted to keep inside to pour out. ‘He didn’t, he isn’t… _I’m_ the one…I threw myself at him…literally.’ He said, mumbling the last word, cringing once more as he remembered his entrance into Magnus’s apartment.

 

‘Oh.’ Was all Jace could say, he had not been expecting that.

 

‘He said no.’ Alec said quietly. ‘He didn’t want to.’

 

‘Oh.’ Jace repeated, still slightly stunned by Alec’s words.

 

An awkward silence fell between them once more, both looking anywhere but at each other. For over ten years they had shared everything, as friends, as brothers, as parabatai. Jace had always been open about his sex life but Alec had not, and they had always understood why, though neither had ever spoken about it. But now, as Alec could be who he really was and be with who he wanted, they were entering a strange new phase in their relationship. Jace imagined Alec would rather keep the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy in place but knew if Alec kept on this path, bottling everything up, he’d explode. Jace was done losing the people closest to him, Alec and Izzy were all he really had left.

 

‘Obviously I don’t know what happened.’ Jace began shifting in his seat. ‘but first times, they uh…they can be tricky and awkward, especially when…’ Jace’s voice trailed off not quite sure how to phrase it, Alec looked absolutely mortified. ‘It’s a big deal Alec, you shouldn’t rush it. It should mean something.’

 

Jace heard the words leave his moan and cringed internally, he felt as though he was entering Simon Lewis territory. And Jace thought encountering an actual angel in the flesh would be the most amazing thing that had happened to him tonight, but here he was talking to Alec about sex. Tonight had been a weird night.

 

Alec rolled his eyes, ‘What like yours?’

 

‘Exactly. Mine wasn’t, just some random girl at a party. I didn’t care about her.’ Jace said honestly before admitting. ‘I can’t even remember her name.’

 

‘Rachel.’ Alec said despite himself. He remembered that night in Idris clearly even if Jace didn’t. At the time he’d felt a gut-wrenching pain he assumed was heartbreak and betrayal but as he compared it to what he felt now, what he felt for Magnus, Alec almost laughed.

 

‘You and Magnus, it’s different.’ Jace continued.

 

Alec sighed, his anger and embarrassment having subsided little by little as he saw how hard Jace was trying. His hands reached out and played with the edge of his cup.

 

‘I’m not, I wanted to…I _want_ to…I…’ Alec stammered, his voice tired now. ‘I mean its Magnus…’ he said as if that explained everything. ‘He’s been with…he lived with Casanova…’

 

Jace frowned, Alec wasn’t making much sense, he was more just talking aloud at this point.

 

‘And I’m…’ Alec paused. ‘I don’t want him to think I’m just some…’ _Virgin,_ Alec added in his head. Magnus words replaying in his mind once more, _you’re so…innocent._

 

Alec finally took a glug of his coffee; it was still warm enough to drink. As he set his cup back down Jenny reappeared filling Jace’s first and then his own, Jace waved her away this time with none of the playful blue eyed sparkle of before and Jenny slumped away, casting a dark look back at Alec as if she knew.

 

‘You need to talk to Magnus.’ Jace said simply.

 

Alec groaned, knowing Jace was right but he wasn’t sure he could face it, face Magnus. How could he ever again after tonight? What would he say? Relationships really did take effort, Alec was still figuring out how much.

 

‘I have no idea what I’m doing.’ He said honestly.

 

 Jace’s cup was at his lips, he nearly spat coffee out at Alec’s words.

 

‘Well I err, I’ve never been with a…’ Jace murmured lowering his cup as Alec’s brow furrowed in confusion. ‘but I imagine, you know it’s not that different…you figure out where the…parts…’ Jace lightly tapped his two index fingers together. ‘…go.’

 

Alec rolled his eyes and put his head in his hands. ‘I cannot believe we are having this conversation.’ He’d thought the one with Izzy had been bad enough.

 

‘You and me both.’ Jace mumbled.

 

Alec looked up, ‘I didn’t mean _that_ , I know about that.’ He said as convincingly as he could. ‘I meant being in a relationship.’

 

Jace raised an eyebrow, ‘Not sure I can offer any pearls of Obi-Wan wisdom there.’

 

‘Huh?’ Alec asked.

 

Jace thought back to earlier with Simon in the Hunter’s Moon, sure Jace Wayland was an expert on picking up girls, charming them and taking them home, but beyond one night, having an actual girlfriend, that was not his area of expertise. He’d thought maybe he’d found someone…Jace hurriedly push the dark thought from his mind.

 

‘Forget it.’ Jace shook his head. ‘Promise me you will talk to Magnus ok? Figure this out.’ Alec opened his mouth to protest but Jace carried on. ‘And don’t do what you always do; overthink things.’

 

‘I do not overthink things.’ Alec snapped though he knew it was a lie.

 

‘Right.’ Jace rolled his eyes.

 

Alec let out a defeated sigh, exhausted from this whole night. ‘Fine, I’ll see him tomorrow.’

 

Jace nodded and took another sip of his coffee. His mind now clearer and calmer Alec finally took in the sight of his parabatai, noticing the evident bruises of a fight on his face. ‘More wild Seelie fun tonight?’

 

Jace’s face fell serious as he leaned forward, ‘Not exactly. Listen I know you’ve had a pretty serious night but I’ve got something to tell, it’s about Valentine.’


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So since I started writing this I've noticed a few things; each chapter is getting more angsty and also a hell of a lot longer! Malec just give me all the feels I can't help myself. 
> 
> I'm trying to walk a fine line between Alec and Magnus's POV and emotions which to me are coming from similar places if only they'd talk and open up. I also enjoy writing broken Alec, I obviously want happy married soft Alec but I like the idea of more of a journey for him than is currently happening on the show. For me its gone from closeted can't ever have what I want and be happy to throwing a Spanish themed party wearing coordinated outfits a little to fast. 
> 
> Anyway rant over. This is definitely evolving as more than the 207/208 missing scene I original envisioned, so sorry guys not quite sure where it will end up...Malec obviously! Also this chapter features more Jace, again I just can't help it.
> 
> I also wanna say a huge thank you to everyone who's read it and reviewed so far, the comments have been amazing so far. I think this is also why I'm writing it so darn fast!

Wincing Alec peeled the damp shirt, seeped in demon ichor and blood from his battered body. It was a little after dawn as he’d returned from his fourth patrol in as many nights; the Clave had tripled the number following Jace and Clary’s revelation about the angel’s vision and the Soul Sword’s alternate dark purpose. Not all of the Clave were convinced by their story, most still doubtful of Jace’s loyalty but knowing whatever the truth was they needed to take any chance to stop Valentine.  The Iron Sisters increased their efforts; reinforcements had been brought in from Idris to all the Institutes whilst the Wards were re-fortified.

 

As usual there was no trace of Valentine, no clues to what his next move might be but the trail of destruction left by the Circle could be found all over the city. Downworlders were disappearing nightly, demon attacks on mundanes were increasing. Each night things seemed to get a little bit worse; the demons stronger, the violence bloodier, the innocents hurt or worse rising. Things had slowly been unravelling since Valentine first returned, Alec remembered but now, knowing he had two of The Mortal Instruments in his control, the Shadow and Downworld teetered on the edge, unrest and chaos threatening to engulf them all.

 

 _This was war after all,_ Alec thought to himself a he washed the blood from his hands. Suddenly a memory burned in his mind, a darkened night from what felt like a lifetime ago but was in truth only a few weeks.

 

_Alec sat shirtless on the edge of the lemon yellow chair in front of Magnus’s window, his body more battered and bruised than the speed any healing rune could match; thanking the Angel he had some additional healing hands he could call on._

 

_‘It’s just so…’ Alec murmured as the Warlock’s delicate yet powerful hands wove gracefully just over his dislocated shoulder, brilliant blue sparks darting out. ‘…dark out there….’ He continued trying not to focus on the pain. ‘…I’ve seen my share of demons and death but this is something else…that little girl…’ Alec closed his eyes, not from the pain but from the memory of the small child, no more than nine yeas old he’d found ripped apart earlier that evening before the vicious demon turned on him. Thank the Angel for Izzy and her whip._

_‘This, my darling, is war…’ Magnus said softly concentrating on the task at hand but his voice construed a certainty and wisdom that told Alec Magnus knew of what he spoke._

_Magnus had seen more than his share of wars and death his many centuries and a piece of Alec’s heart broke when he thought of the pain Magnus must have endured._

_Magnus in turn looked down at the ripped and bloodied shirt beside them and the bruises that scattered Alec’s beautiful torso, his fingers lightly tracing across the warriors skin, cursing the demon that dared to taint it, ‘…it destroys the most beautiful and innocent of things.’_

_Alec clenched his teeth and whispered, perhaps not meaning to out loud. ‘Can we even win this war?’_

_Magnus’s hands fell as he sighed softly behind Alec, his physical healing was complete though the Warlock felt the ache that remained inside him. Magnus leant forward pressing his chest against the Shadowhunter’s bare back, his head nestling into the crook of Alec’s neck so he could feel the Warlock’s breath in his ear._

_‘We have to Shadowhunter…’ Magnus whispered wrapping his arm around Alec’s chest. ‘You still haven’t beaten me at pool yet.’_

_Alec could not help but let out a loud laugh at Magnus’s words, a laugh so true and unexpected it rumbled deep in his chest. For the briefest of moments, despite the horrors he knew they would have to face, Alec felt at peace._

 

Alec’s heart twisted at the memory, trying to push it away, trying to push the thought of _him_ away… _Magnus_. It had been five nights since Alec had seen him, spoken to him, run away from him. Alec had meant what he’d said to Jace in the diner, he really had, he knew he needed to talk to Magnus, to tell him how he felt but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

 

Alec remembered how he’d sat in his room the following morning, cell phone shaking in hand as he tried to find the courage to even dial Magnus number, let alone speak the words he needed to say. For the first time he’d been genuinely happy to see Raj shove his head around the door and call Alec for Aldertree’s urgent briefing. Alec then of course volunteered to lead the first mission on Valentine’s trail, welcoming any distraction from the worry inside. Jace had given him a dark glare when he met Alec later, scolding him for avoiding this, avoiding Magnus, Alec lied and insisted he wasn’t but this took priority. After further pressure from Jace, Alec sent Magnus a text to say he was ok and would call later than night, to talk.

 

But Alec didn’t, he didn’t call Magnus that night or the next or the one after that and now, five days later Alec was more terrified than ever. Alec’s usual tactic of avoidance and denial had not stopped Magnus contacting him. Magnus was nothing if not persistent.

 

As Alec slowly started to strip off the rest of his gear, unbuckling his thigh holster and boots he played the numerous voice messages over and over in his head. The first had come on the night it happened, most likely as Alec sat with Jace in the diner.

 

 _Alexander…I know you’re probably not ready to talk yet, but when you are…I’m here._ Magnus soft voice played at the end of the phone. _Please, don’t push me away._

 

Alec had listened to it upon his return to the Institute, tears threatening to sting his eyes once more. He didn’t call back, afraid he wouldn’t be able to hold them back. The second had come later the next day, following Jace’s return to Magnus’s loft and recall of the recent events with Valentine.

 

 _Alec, its Magnus. Jace told me about Valentine, the angel and well the whole mad mess. I wanted to come see you but I’ve been called to Idris by the Clave along with some fellow Warlocks to fortify the Wards and research this vision-demon Clary is certain exists._ Magnus tone expressed his scepticism as what Clary and Jace thought they had seen. _But I’ll be back tonight to upgrade the wards at the Institute, it would be good to see you..._

 

Following this Alec had been sure to go on patrol that night, ending up in a nasty battle with a nest of Kuri demons. Jace for once cursing his parabatai’s recklessness as Alec nearly got impaled by one of the demons poisonous fangs during a hasty attack. Alec shrugged it off; it was only a scratch nothing a iratze couldn’t fix. Apparently Jace was taken it upon himself to keep Magnus updated on Alec’s nightly movements as another call followed that night.

 

 _It’s me…again, calling to check in as you weren’t at the Institute._ He couldn’t hide the disappointment in his voice. _I know you’re busy with these reconnaissance missions. Jace filled me in on the Kuri raid but please be careful Alexander. If anything were to happen…_ Magnus’s voice trailed off slightly cracking. _I’ll try you again later. Be safe._

Alec had felt shame flood his body when he’d listened to that message, the worry clear in Magnus’s voice. He’d hovered his thumb over Magnus’s number, he should call him now, let him know he was ok, from the attack at least. But again his fear won out and he threw the phone down.

 

By the fourth day Magnus’s patience and understanding had understandably worn thin, as his message conveyed.

 

 _Alexander,_ his voice firmer than Alec remembered ever hearing before. _I came by the Institute again today, Isabelle told me you weren’t there…_ It wasn’t a statement more of an accusation, as though Magnus hadn’t believed her. _Clearly you’re very busy but I would appreciate it if you called me back…_ he snapped before pausing then adding with a soft sigh. _Please Alec…I miss you._

Alec closed his eyes, Magnus’s final three words ringing in his ears as he collapsed on his bed, exhausted and beyond ashamed. He missed Magnus too, more than he could physically bear. He missed the feel of him, not the physical feel of his body or his lips, though Alec craved both, but the feel of Magnus when he was around him, the warmth and light that radiated from the Warlock which had nothing to do with the magic he possessed. A part of Alec was terrified he’d never to get to feel that again and he knew it would be his fault.

 

The buzz of his phone against the hard mahogany desk roared in the silence of Alec’s room. Alec let it ring; knowing who it would be, even now when he wanted, needed to speak to Magnus so desperately he was afraid. Alec threw his arm across his face, how could a warrior be such a coward? Eventually the buzzing stopped. Alec lay in the silence for a few more moments before he forced his aching body up and picked up the phone, flashing with the notification of a new message. He did as he had done for the past few nights and raised the phone to his ear, half-terrified, half-desperate to hear Magnus’s voice.

 

 _Alec, ah voicemail again, how surprising. Apologies for calling you so late or should I say early…_ Magnus’s voice lilted, he sounded a little slurred. _But here  I am out on my balcony watching the most glorious sunrise…so very beautiful  and I of course, thought of you…Alexander I…_ Magnus paused, Alec’s heightened hearing sure he heard the sound of clinking ice in the background. _I need to speak to you Alec…I…call me back...you need to call me back…please._

Alec so ashamed dropped the phone from his ear, the pained voice of Magnus tearing at his insides, ripping at his soul knowing he was the cause of it. Alec’s  heart thundered against his chest, knowing he couldn’t avoid this anymore, he couldn’t torture Magnus, nor himself, any longer. Hands slightly shaking he took a deep breath and hit speed dial one.

 

* * *

 

Magnus slumped against the hard brick of his balcony as he watched the red and amber hues of the sun rise creep out from behind the Brooklyn Bridge, tumbler of scotch in one hand, phone clasped desperately in the other. It really was the most beautiful sunrise but Magnus couldn’t really see it, his vision, his mind, his heart were filled with one image only, a face more beautiful in Magnus’s opinion than a thousand sunrises. Perhaps he should lay off the scotch before dawn, Magnus thought snorting at his own ridiculously dramatic musings.

 

Despite the one line text Magnus had heard nothing from Alec since he fled the loft nights ago and not for want of trying. Magnus had called him daily, left multiple messages, each one growing more pleading until he’d had far too many scotches last night and left the latest shamefully begging voicemail.

 

Magnus knew exactly why Alec was avoiding him and part of him understood, emphasising with the Shadowhunter’s struggle. Magnus had meant what he said to Alec the other night; this was still so new for him. Alec had only just allowed himself to be who he truly was, feel what he’d kept buried for so long. Magnus knew all too well how that felt, he understood the curiosity and excitement also tinged with deep fear and uncertainty. He knew Alec felt embarrassed and self-conscious after what (almost) happened and the fall out after between them. A part of Magnus knew he needed time to deal with it, come back to Magnus in his own time.

 

But the other part, the part that had sat here night after night without a word from Alec, grasping at scraps of information provided by Jace when he dragged his tired body home, letting Magnus know Alec was alive if nothing else, the part which had recently drank two-thirds of a bottle of scotch, was absolutely furious. Despite understanding Alec’s ongoing struggles Magnus felt like they were back at square one, facing a crossroad in their relationship and instead of facing it together Alec was shutting him out. Magnus wanted nothing more than to comfort Alec, help him through the struggle and self-doubt he knew would be raging within him but if Alec kept pushing him away how could he? How could they ever move forward?

 

Magnus cursed these thoughts; he hadn’t felt this way in so long, desperate and wanting, at the mercy of another. He hated the loss of control, that his emotions, his happy, his very being was so linked to another. Magnus remembered bitterly why he’d closed himself off for the past century; to let someone else have such power over you, over your emotions, over your heart…it was dangerous.

 

But as Magnus took another gulp of the warming liquid he realised it wasn’t anger he felt, it was a deep guttural ache in his heart, more sorrowful than angry. Magnus knew then what he’d been trying to block from his mind for weeks now, the silent truth he wouldn’t let himself admit, knowing once he did there’d be no going back for him. Camille’s words echoed in his mind, mocking, taunting, _you wouldn’t know what to do with love if you found it…or do you already think you have?_

Perhaps she was right, what did Magnus really know of love? Centuries on this earth and more powerful than he’d even been he still had no idea when it came to love. It was why he was so hurt, why he called Alec night after night, he wanted so badly for Alec to let him in.

 

As Magnus contemplating portalling himself to a deserted beach somewhere the previously silent phone suddenly buzzed to life in his hand, it was so unexpected Magnus threw his drink in the air, narrowly avoiding pouring scotch all over his silk kimono. Not that Magnus cared if it had, he didn’t care about anything right now other than the name flashing on his screen.

 

* * *

 

Magnus answered instantly not wanting to give Alec the chance to change his mind.

 

‘Alexander.’ He answered softly.

 

There was a pause, though Magnus could hear Alec’s breath at the end of the line before he finally uttered, ‘Hey.’

 

Despite the confusion and pain of the past few days Magnus couldn’t help but smile, it felt as though it had been 100 years since he heard Alec’s deep drawl.

 

‘It’s wonderful to hear your voice.’ Magnus said unable to stop himself. Magnus knew he had missed it but he hadn’t realised just how much until this moment.

 

‘I know…sorry…’ Alec murmured. ‘Things have been so crazy here.’

 

The joy Magnus felt at finally hearing Alec’s voice quickly began to fade as he heard the detached tone in his words.

 

‘I understand, a Shadowhunter’s duty comes first.’ Magnus said as lightly as he could.

 

‘Yeah.’ Was all Alec uttered in response.

 

Magnus sighed and pushed away from the balcony wall, settling in the patio seat where he and Alec had often sat, a glass of wine in hand; talking, touching, kissing one another.  

 

‘Alec…are you ok?’ Magnus said, a simple question on the surface but they both knew a hundred others sat beneath it.

 

‘I’m fine.’ Alec said, voice short.

 

At the other end of the line Alec sat against his desk, arms folded across his chest growing angrier by the moment. Not at Magnus of course but at himself, he could hear how he sounded, so cold and distant and it wasn’t his intention but he didn’t know how to stop. He’d planned to call Magnus, to finally talk, to apologise for the other night, for the past few days, to tell him every conflicting thought and feeling he was struggling with but as soon as he heard Magnus’s voice at the other end, not a message he could listen to in the dark moments of the night but here, now, something changed. The humiliation and hurt he thought he’d pushed down suddenly flooded through him. He felt paralysed, his mouth unable to utter the words he’d spent five days obsessing over.

 

‘No you’re not.’ Magnus said, though he couldn’t see Alec’s face Magnus envisioned the darkened expression etched upon it. Alec hated being told what he felt, especially when it was true.

 

Alec pushed himself away from the desk and began to pace. ‘I’m just tired, like I said things have been crazy with Valentine and the ang…’

 

Magnus had had enough, days of nothing, of wondering if he’d ever hear from Alec again and now this? Whether it was the scotch or his patience had finally come to an end he wasn’t sure.

 

‘Alexander, enough. We need to…’ Magnus began, then paused. ‘Talk to me Alec…you promised not to shut me out.’

 

Alec stopped moving, pressing his head against the wall but said nothing; his deep breathing was all that told Magnus he was still there.

 

‘Alexander?’ Magnus asked.

 

Alec balled his free hand into a fist and pressed it hard against the wall. ‘I can’t…’ he said softly Magnus barely heard him.

 

‘Why did you even call Alec?’ Magnus asked his voice hard now. 

 

Alec’s head was screaming, pleading with him to say something, anything to stop this before it went too far. He pressed his hand and head harder against the wall as if the pain might somehow bring him to his senses; ‘I don’t know.’ He lied.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus began, his voice soft once more, he felt more than heard the pain in Alec’s voice. His voice was calming, soothing, loving, Alec couldn’t take anymore.

 

‘I have to go…’ he said. ‘Aldertree’s called an emergency meeting so…’

 

Back on the balcony, Magnus fell back against the chair, closing his eyes. ‘I understand. I suppose I should let you go.’

 

The meaning of his words hung heavy between them, this was Alec’s last chance.

 

‘Yeah.’ Alec replied. Tears burned at his eyes as he fought to push down the lump building in his throat, using every inch of his willpower to keep his voice even.

 

‘Goodbye Alexander.’ Magnus uttered.

 

Alec said nothing else; he couldn’t, hanging up almost instantly. He remained where he was for a moment; his hand still clutching the phone too came to press against the wall. Suddenly a sound erupted from deep within him; somewhere between a snarl and a cry he pressed both fists fiercely against the wall, as though trying to push himself through it. Alec spun away from the wall and heaved the phone across the room, the small black rectangle colliding violently with the opposite wall, smashing and falling into broken pieces as Alec slowly slumped to the floor.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun now sat high and bright in the morning sky as Magnus stared solemnly at the phone in his hand. No violent outburst, no cry of pain. He felt dazed, numb, trying to understand how it had come to this, after everything.

 

He was soon pulled from his trance by a sharp voice in the doorway, ‘Seriously, that’s it?’

 

Magnus turned and glared at his increasingly exasperating roommate, ‘You really do have the most auspicious timing don’t you Jace Wayland.’

 

Magnus got up and pushed brusquely past Jace swaying back into the living room, heading straight for the drinks cart. He most certainly needed a refill.

 

Jace was close behind, ‘You need to call him back.’

 

Magnus rolled his eyes, ‘Alexander has made it quite clear he is in no mood to talk, especially to me.’ He said bitterly taking a long swig. ‘There’s nothing more to say.’

 

‘So what you’re just giving up?’ Jace asked.

 

The anger Magnus was previously lacking suddenly reared its head with a vengeance as he rounded on the blonde Shadowhunter, eyes dark with fury. ‘Giving up? Where have you been for the past few months Shadowhunter, I’ve been fighting for this, for Alec…’ his voice shook involuntarily as he said Alec’s name. ‘from the very start. I’m tired of fighting…Alec won’t let me in. He never will.’

 

‘He’s absolutely terrified!’ Jace roared. ‘He doesn’t know what to do!’

 

Magnus’s face twisted into a half confused, half embarrassed expression. Clearly Alec had spoken to someone about what happened the other night. He set his glass on the table. ‘Jace I don’t know what Alec told you about the other night, but…’

 

Jace shook his head, ‘No, no, no not _that._ Apparently Alec is certain what he wants on that front.’ He said raising his eyebrows, Magnus mirrored his actions. ‘He’s terrified of you, of how he feels about you. That he won’t be enough.’

 

Magnus knew Jace didn’t mean sexually. Dumbfounded he asked the only thought in his mind, ‘Why?’

 

‘You know why.’ Jace replied, not uttering the silent truth they both knew. ‘I feel it through the bond, I see it when he’s with you, when he talks about you.’

 

‘It’s not that simple Jace.’ Magnus said with a sad sigh. ‘You don’t understand…’

 

‘And it’s not that hard either.’ Jace snapped back. ‘God, if I could…if I had the chance to be with…’ Jace stopped himself before he uttered the name they both knew he could never say.

 

Magnus gave him an understanding look, god he thought he had relationship drama.

 

‘If you feel even half of what Alec feels for you, you won’t walk away from him…you couldn’t.’ Jace shook his head. ‘But what do I know right?’

 

Jace ran his hand through his hair and walked away without another word leaving Magnus alone once more. He turned back to the bar and reached for his drink but stopped his hand mid-air; his attention pulled by the small weight in his pocket he’d forgotten was there until now. His hand dipped into his pocket and retrieved the small brightly coloured talisman Alec had surprised him with following their shopping trip to Japan. He remembered the beaming look of pride and adoration when Alec gave it to him. Magnus had carried it with him every day since.

 

Magnus clutched it in his palm tightly and sighed, ‘I did say I loved a challenge.’


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So the feedback on the last chapter was incredible, thank you. This chapter is hopefully going to deal with some of the things people have raised in the comments and I personally felt has been missing from the show, not just 207 but generally. For me Alec has done this huge life changing thing and that takes time to deal with. I feel SH needs to give this a little more attention than it is. This is also full of fluff and soft Malec, sorry guys I just cant help myself.
> 
> I also know I said this was going to be a short 2/3 chapter thing...Basically when I had the idea for this I sketched out a rough plan of where I wanted to go - hence the 3 chapters I originally planned, but as usual when I start to actually write them my plan goes totally out of the window and it kinda takes on a life of its own. As I started to write this chapter I sort of changed where I originally intended with this story as being the missing scene(s) between 207 and 208. Now its gone somewhere else, and I think will actually end up bleeding into 208 and weaving through some of that in the next chapter (or two maybe!). I just love writing Malec.
> 
> Clary pops up too this time, basically because I love it when Magnus calls her biscuit.
> 
> hopefully you guys are still enjoying it, comments are always appreciated! Also I don't usually write this fast but this weekend I've been pretty ill and bedbound which has sucked but also given me lots of time to write this which has been super fun!

 

Magnus walked into the Institute control room with his usual swagger and without invitation. He was dressed in a dark navy blue three-piece suit embroidered with black baroque pattern, a jet black shirt underneath which was topped off with his best grey silk cravat. He knew he was probably a little overdressed but he didn’t know why, he felt the occasion called for it. His outfits were like his armour. He felt nervous of course, but also an odd sort of clarity and determination as he stormed past the various Shadowhunter’s staring at him with questioning looks. Let them look, he thought, nothing would stand in the way of what he’d come here for, answers.

 

‘Oh crap, you.’ He groaned as he turned the corner.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ Raj asked his usual empty-headed expression on his face. ‘Did Aldertree summon you? You can’t be here, no Downworlders in the Inst…’

 

‘I don’t have time for this.’ Magnus mumbled flicking his hand casually causing Raj to freeze mid-sentence. ‘Much better.’

 

‘Uh, Magnus?’ a more friendly voice called beside him.

 

Magnus spun on his heels, ‘Biscuit!’

 

Clary looked a little wary, her eyes darting between the now statue-like Raj and smiling Warlock. ‘Is he…’

 

‘He’ll be fine, unfortunately. He’ll just remain frozen where he is until I leave the Institute. Best for everyone really.’ Magnus replied. ‘Honestly I’d be surprised if anyone notices the difference.’

 

Clary still looked a little concerned. ‘Ok.’

 

‘So where are you dashing off to in such a hurry?’ Magnus asked.

 

‘Going to meet Simon, he said he needs to talk to me about something important.’ She replied with the slightest blush in her cheeks.

 

Poor Jace, Magnus thought before his mind circled back to his true purpose. ‘Before you go Red, tell me is Alexander here?’

 

Clary nodded, ‘He’s just got back from another raid, he went to change.’

 

Magnus nodded, the sense of determination building once more.

 

‘Is everything…ok with you two?’ Clary asked, whilst she and Alec weren’t exactly close even she had noticed the shift in him over the past few days, accompanied by the obvious lack of Magnus.

 

Magnus let out a deep sigh, ‘Well biscuit, there’s only one way to find out.’

 

* * *

 

Magnus entered Alec’s bedroom slowly, not bothering to knock, after all the element of surprise was all he had. A pang of disappointment struck him as he found the room empty, though Clary had been telling the truth, Alec had been here. Magnus saw the discarded battle clothes on the floor as he stepped into the darkened room, pausing as his foot crunched down on something hard. He bent down and slowly picked up one the broken remains of what had once been Alec’s cell phone. Frowning he twirled one of the jagged black pieces in his hands, wondering to himself what this act of destruction boded for the night ahead.  

 

Lost in his thoughts Magnus didn’t hear the soft creak of the bathroom door open, jumping to his feet only where he heard the utterly shocked cry of his name.

 

‘Magnus?’

 

Alec was staring at him, a look of total disbelief upon his face, one which Magnus returned but for very different reasons. Alec was standing before him in nothing more than a towel wrapped around his waist. Magnus actually gulped when he caught a glimpse of perfect, masculine thighs as Alec entered the room, tying the towel around his waist. The rest of his glorious body was on full display, and to make matters worse still dripping wet. His hard torso practically glistened under the soft orange light of the Institutes antique features, the black hair that adorned his chest called out to be touched. His huge, muscular arms and shoulders seemed even bigger than Magnus remembered; he wanted to touch them, wrap them tight around him. Magnus couldn’t help it as his eyes trailed over Alec’s body, drinking it all in, it was as though he’d never seen a half-naked man before (which was most certainly not true). His eyes danced hungrily across Alec’s taut stomach, fixating on the hard hip bones poking from the top of the towel Magnus actually licked his lips.

 

‘What are you doing here?’ Alec asked, breaking Magnus’s desperate peep-show and thankfully bringing him back to the present and reason he was here.

 

‘I uhh…’ Magnus began then cleared his throat, before uttering words he never imagined he would say to Alec Lightwood. ‘Please can you put some clothes on? If you don’t this could go an entirely different way and that’s not why I came here.’

 

Though the _different way_ sounded pretty good to Magnus right now after seeing Alec like that, Magnus pushed it from his mind. Focus Bane. Alec frowned, clearly confused by Magnus words and presence here at all for that matter. With a gruff sigh he edged towards his dresser and pulled out a pair of black training pants and a hoodie. With his back to Magnus Alec hands fell to the towel and began to untie it, with a strength and willpower Magnus didn’t realise he possessed he turned away. If he saw Alec’s bare behind he doubted he’d be able to form words, let alone have a rational conversation.

 

‘I’m good.’ Alec said.

 

Magnus turned back slowly as the Shadowhunter pulled the hoodie zipper halfway up his chest, still leaving a smattering of dark hair exposed. Magnus couldn’t help but smile thinking of a similar moment from months ago, when he’d first seen Alec’s glorious body.

 

Taking a deep breath, trying to regain his composure Magnus spoke. ‘We need to talk Alec.’

 

A dark, bitter glare flashed in Alec’s eyes. He was beyond exhausted, both physically and emotionally, their conversation on the phone earlier this morning had been painful enough. The idea of going through it again, with Magnus here in front of him but more than Alec’s heart could take.

 

‘There’s nothing to talk about Magnus.’ He snapped.

 

‘I disagree, there’s plenty.’ Magnus bit back. ‘Far too much has gone unsaid for too long.’

 

Alec let out a heavy breath, hand stretched out in the air as if trying to make Magnus see reason. ‘I can’t…I don’t wanna talk right now.’

 

But Magnus was undeterred, ‘Fine I’ll talk and you listen.’

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec protested but the Warlock gave a quick swish of his hands and the words vanished from Alec’s mouth.

 

Alec was confused as he opened his mouth but nothing followed. His bemused frown quickly turned into a furious scowl, shaking his head at Magnus he stormed past him towards the door, anger boiling inside as he heard the locks flick shut before his hand even reached the handle. Partly because of the over-the-top irate look on Alec’s face but mostly due to his nature Magnus couldn’t stop a small grin appearing at his lips as Alec turned back to him, flinging his arms in the air in exasperation.

 

_Seriously?_ The furious question so clear on Alec’s face it was almost as though he’d said it aloud.

 

‘Fantastic.’ Magnus said clapping his hands together. ‘It seems I have your undivided attention.’

 

Alec made a face which Magnus was sure, had he possessed the vocal ability, would have been a derisive grunt. Instead he rolled his eyes and folded his arms over his chest as if to say; _fine, let’s get this over with._

The temporary giddiness Magnus had felt at the sight of Alec’s perfect form and reaction to his magic quickly evaporated as Magnus remembered why he was here. He felt his body shake slightly as his own nerves and fears crept in his veins. This was it, his last chance…their last chance. Magnus only hoped it would be enough. He took a deep breath, now or never he supposed.

 

‘I’m sorry Alec.’ He said softly.

 

Alec physically reacted to Magnus words, his head jumping back in total surprise. Though usually one for keeping his emotions guarded, Alec had a terrible knack for letting them show completely on his face when he was caught off guard. He had not been expecting Magnus to say that, what in the hell did Magnus have to be sorry for?

 

‘I’m sorry for what happened the other night.’ Magnus continued eyes soft and comforting. Alec closed his eyes own, he couldn’t bare it, as if the mere mention of that night caused him physical pain. ‘I shouldn’t have let you…let things go that far. Not before we’d talked…properly.’

 

Alec shifted uncomfortably where he stood; relieved that Magnus was a few feet away from him, he prayed he couldn’t hear the pounding of his heart. They’d already had this conversation and Magnus had been clear enough, though it didn’t hurt any less hearing it again.

 

If Magnus noticed Alec’s awkwardness he didn’t show it, instead he continued. ‘I lost myself for a moment, I got so caught up I forgot what it would mean if…I just wanted you so badly.’

 

Again Alec’s face illustrated his shock at Magnus’s words. He opened his eyes, finding Magnus’s instantly, no longer looking at him with sympathy or understanding but now darkened with a hunger and wanting Alec was sure he’d seen flickers of the other night. Suddenly Magnus was moving forwards, towards Alec, though every fibre of his body screamed at him to move forward, go to Magnus, he remained fixed where he was. If Magnus couldn’t hear Alec’s heart beating before, he was certainly close enough now as it thundered against his chest.

 

‘Because make no mistake Alexander, I do want you…’ Magnus said softly.

 

Alec realised this was the first time he’d used his full name since he’d arrived. Alec used to hate being called Alexander, it reminded him of being reprimanded as a child in training or scolded by his mother in briefings, but when Magnus said it, when it rolled of his talented tongue Alec found it the most enticing sound in the world.

 

‘I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything…the things I want to do to you Alexander.’ Magnus growled lowly, lust dripping off each syllable.

 

Alec felt his skin grow hot at the sound. Slowly Magnus reached out, his hands lightly brushing across Alec’s chest. Alec was on fire at even the softest touch, he tried not to flinch as Magnus’s fingers traced across the exposed skin of his chest, dancing through his chest hair. Alec could feel his body moving forward, drawn to Magnus’s like a magnet.

 

‘I want to taste you…’ Magnus said darkly and Alec nearly lost it there and then. ‘Take you and make you mine completely Alexander. Have you writhing and coming undone beneath me.’

 

Alec swallowed, his whole body was trembling. No one had ever said such things to Alec, about Alec before. Alec thought he would be uncomfortable at the blatant sexual frankness with which Magnus spoke to him, the lust and hunger evident in his eyes but Alec wasn’t. He was in fact more turned on than he’d ever been in his life merely in reaction to the words Magnus was saying, what power this man had over him.

 

‘I want all of that, but I also want more.’ Magnus continued his voice softer but still tinged with a low growl that made Alec’s skin burn. His hands moved from Alec’s chest, stroking gently down his arms. ‘I meant what I said to you the other night; it’s rare I’ve ever felt this way about someone.’

 

Alec shook his head slightly, his mind trying not focus on the feel of Magnus body close to his, hands on his skin but the words he was saying.

 

‘I want to _be_ with you Alexander…be around you, take care of you. Know about your passions, your dreams and do everything in my power to make them a reality.’ Magnus voice was full of an entirely different passion now, a will and determination so clear Alec believed every word he uttered. Magnus’s hands moved down Alec’s arms, circling his wrists. ‘I want to keep you safe, protect you from anything that might cause you harm…including me.’

 

Alec opened his mouth, wishing he had his voice to question the madness of Magnus’s words.

 

‘When you came to me the other night, when we almost…’ Magnus paused, intertwining his hands with Alec’s, elated when the Shadowhunter let him. ‘When you give yourself, that part of yourself to someone it changes things completely. Sometimes for the better, sometimes not…’ Magnus voice was sad now, quieter, ‘Not matter how experienced you may be, sex changes things and after…no matter, what you can’t go back.’

 

With no words to provide reassurance Alec gently squeezed Magnus hand in his.

 

Magnus eye’s lifted for a second, a bright sparkle of hope shone in the deep brown. ‘I wanted you that night, but I knew we couldn’t, I couldn’t...I wasn’t ready Alexander…’

 

Alec remembered Magnus’s pained words from that night. _You’re not the only one who feels vulnerable._ Alec felt regret flood his body, though he’d heard the words from Magnus lips, he’d been so caught up in the moment, so worried about what he was doing, what he was feeling he didn’t _listen_ to them.

 

‘I knew once we…I’d never want to let you go and that terrified me.’ Magnus said simply, the meaning beneath his words evident in every syllable. ‘Terrified you would regret it, regret me and I’d lose you Alexander…I’m not sure I could survive it.’

 

Magnus sighed, ‘I know you’re struggling Alec…’ his hand pulled free from Alec’s and set once more against the bare skin of his chest, resting over his hammering heart. ‘I want all of you…but you have to let me in.’

 

If Alec’s breath could have made a sound it would have been harsh and ragged, throbbing in Magnus ear. For the first time tonight Alec’s face was unreadable, he just stared at Magnus blankly; the hands which a moment ago held Magnus’s own were now clenched tight at his sides. Magnus felt the heat between them, the sexual hum and want that was always there but had spiked massively following Magnus’s confession about what he wanted to do to Alec. He knew Alec wanted his body as much as he wanted Alec, but Magnus meant what he said, he needed more than that. Magnus’s body prickled like a poison spreading through, dread and fear threatening to drown him from the inside out. Slowly he lowered his hand from Alec’s chest, maybe he’d been wrong, maybe it wasn’t enough.

 

Magnus took a small step back, ‘Alec I know you’re man of few words but say something…anything…’ he said looking at Alec hopefully.

 

To his surprise Alec made a face usually reserved for Jace, when he was pissed at his parabatai for doing or saying something stupid, which was often. Rolling his eyes Alec pointed to his mouth and raised an eyebrow, saying, _well?_

Magnus’s eyes went wide in realisation, ‘Right, yes of course.’ He waved his hand quickly and turned away from Alec as he heard the sound of a struggled breath fall from his mouth. Magnus was completely mortified. ‘I’m sorry Alec, I guess I got so caught up in my third act declaration I completely forgot about the silencer spe…’

 

He turned back, hoping the embarrassment didn’t show in his face but suddenly Alec’s lips were on him. Alec’s strong warrior hands gripped firmly either side of the Warlock’s face causing a wave of deja-vu to wash over Magnus. But in truth this kiss was nothing like the one before. This wasn’t messy or rushed, coming from nowhere, leading them off course, down a path of uncertainties and secrets. Nor was it soft and nervous. This kiss was hard and all-consuming it had a finality to it that spoke more truth that any words could. Alec poured everything he had into the kiss, every terrifying feeling and thought he had, hoping it said all the things he’d kept locked inside for so long. _I’m sorry, I want you, I need you...I…_

 

Magnus smiled against Alec’s lips, his heart felt ready to burst as Alec pressed closer to him. In all his centuries Magnus had only felt this way once before, felt this from a kiss alone, the night of Alec’s wedding. That night, though only for a moment as Alec’s lips touched his Magnus felt a sense of certainty, certainty that Alec was finally making a choice. Choosing what Magnus had not known or dared let himself wish for at the time, he’d been too elated to think too deeply but now, despite himself he hoped he’d receive an answer.

 

Finally they broke apart, Magnus missed the feel of his lips already. Alec sighed, eyes closed and lent his forehead against Magnus’s.

 

‘I’m sorry…for everything.’ He croaked, voice still adjusting to being heard aloud once more.

 

Magnus smiled softly, ‘I always do enjoy your apologies Alexander. You’re getting very good at them.’

 

Alec’s face fell sheepishly, ‘Well I’m not very good at this relationship stuff.’

 

‘You’ll learn.’ Magnus said, moving his head slightly nose rubbing against Alec’s. ‘We’ll learn together…just don’t shut me out.’

 

Alec said nothing in response but lent down and kissed Magnus softly, it reminded him of the kiss after their first date. Alec pulled back, his eyes searched Magnus’s for a moment, clearly nervous about whatever he was about to say. Magnus felt the worry pull at his stomach once more.

 

‘I’m scared.’ Alec said so quietly he wasn’t sure if he’d actually uttered the words out loud. ‘I don’t want to ruin this, us.’

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus said soothingly, moving his hand around the back of Alec’s neck.

 

Alec brushed his hand away, wriggling free from their embrace, not because he didn’t want Magnus away but he just needed some space, some air to help his mind focus. Despite the glorious feel of being close to Magnus once more, it did not help Alec think clearly. He needed to say this, Magnus was right; he needed to let him in. Alec turned and sat against the edge of his desk, running a hand down his face before locking eyes with Magnus once more, reassuring him he was ok.

 

‘I know I’m not good at talking about how I feel…’ he began.

 

Magnus just couldn’t help himself, he let out a small scoff at Alec’s words causing Alec to give him the _seriously?_ glare once more. Magnus held his hands up in apology, ‘Sorry.’

 

Alec’s glare quickly faded, replaced by a small but real smile as he gave a quick shake of his head. ‘I want to be better with you Magnus, for you.’

 

Magnus opened his mouth to speak but said nothing. Magnus had said his piece and more tonight, now it was Alec’s turn, he needed to get this out in his own time. Magnus would be here. As though Alec sensed Magnus’s silent encouragement he continued.

 

‘Before you, I was…there was nothing.’ Alec said simply as though this were a bitter fact. ‘It was like I was sleepwalking through life, doing what I thought I should, what was expected of me, my duty but inside I felt…trapped, like I was slowly drowning. I couldn’t breathe and every day it felt worse.’

 

Magnus felt his heart practically split in half at the pain in Alec’s voice. He wanted so badly to go to him, to heal the wounds that still stung so deep after years of denying who he really was. Magnus had had centuries to find himself and accept who he was, Alec had had merely months. Perhaps he still didn’t know.

 

‘I thought it would always be that way, until…you.’ Alec said softly. ‘Magnus you make me…you make me feel…’ he paused, struggling to find any words that could possibly describe what it was Magnus Bane made him feel. ‘…you make me free.’

 

Tears stung Magnus eyes as everything Alec had held inside for so long came pouring out.

 

‘That was why I wanted to, I thought maybe if we…’ Alec paused, still struggling to talk about _that_ part of their relationship. ‘Then I could show you, you could…I wanted to make you feel as well.’

 

Magnus could hold back no longer, he rushed to Alec; firmly placing his hands at his waist slouched against the desk.

 

‘Alec we don’t need to have sex to make me feel for you.’ Magnus said, Alec’s eyes darted quickly at the word. ‘When I’m with you I feel…when I see you…’ Magnus pressed himself closer, his words a murmur in Alec’s ear. ‘When I touch you…kiss you…I feel things I’ve never felt before.’

 

His words were soft against Alec’s skin but they felt like flames, burning him, marking him like a rune. Alec bent his head and kissed Magnus hard on the lips, tasting him with his tongue this time, trying to answer the Warlock honest desires in his own way.

 

‘Magnus, I do want to…have…’ his words stumbled out, ‘have sex, with you.’ Alec let out a breath he didn’t realised he’d been holding until now. ‘But I’ve never…and you’ve…I don’t know what I’m…’

 

Raising a ringed finger to Alec’s lips Magnus silenced him, he knew Alec felt embarrassed. ‘There’s no rush Alec, we’ll find our way together. I’m not going anywhere.’ He said then grinned, a devilish glint in his eyes. ‘Besides, half the fun’s in the learning. I’m always up for a little show and tell Shadowhunter.’

 

Alec laughed deeply, for the first time in days and Magnus forgot how much he loved the sound. So few people got to see this side of Alec.

 

‘Now that sounds like an excellent idea.’ Alec said pushing their bodies away from the desk, snaking his hands around Magnus’s waist and pulling him down for a kiss, this one more fiery and intense.

 

Magnus broke his lips away, caught off guard and flustered, ‘I didn’t mean now Alexander.’

 

‘Why not?’ Alec asked.

 

Magnus opened his mouth to respond but said nothing. He looked at Alec staring back at him with nothing but adoration on his face and realised there was absolutely no good reason he wasn’t kissing him right now. Magnus answered Alec with his lips. The kiss is hard and a little rough, Magnus’s teeth caught Alec’s lower lip and he whimpered slightly. Not to be outdone Alec kissed him back, giving as good as he got, tongue pushing into Magnus’s mouth. They stumbled back, blinded by one another until they collapsed in a heap on the hard bed. Magnus let out a grunt of annoyance, damn the Shadowhunters, couldn’t they invest in some goose feather duvets but quickly lost himself in Alec’s lips once more.

 

They were lying on their sides, tangled in one another when Alec pushed their intertwined bodies apart. ‘Wait…’ he said breathlessly sitting up.

 

Magnus copied him, staring confused as to what had changed but before he can speak Alec rested his head against his forehead, breathing frantic and heart pounding.

 

‘Not here.’ Alec whispers. ‘Let’s go home.’

 

Magnus feels the smile spread across his face and nodded, nipping at Alec’s lips softly before rising from the bed, swirling his hands elaborately until the bright swirls of the portal appeared before them. He turns, offering his hand out to Alec who takes it instantly. Magnus pulls the Shadowhunter to him, lips meet lips again as they fall through the whirling light together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully this was some of the TALKING people have been waiting for. And we all know after the talking comes the...


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys so firstly sorry about the delay in getting this chapter up, especially after how quickly the others all went up. Isn't it annoying when work and family and life get in the way of the important things like fanfic updates?? Lol I promise to try and be better with the next few. 
> 
> secondly to make up for it this is an extra long chapter filled with Malec softness and fluff and sexytime.   
> I also realised for a story called silent truth the previous chapter had ALOT of talking so this is more non-verbal communication :)
> 
> lastly thanks to everyone for the well wishes i'm feeling much better, I think your lovely words about this story definitely helped!

They fell through the portal tangled in one another. Had Magnus not known any better he might have thought they had fallen through time, the scene a mirror image of five nights before, wrapped up in one another stumbling towards Magnus’s pristinely made bed but tonight could not have felt more different than if it had been from another lifetime.

 

Just as he had a few nights ago Alec was guiding Magnus to the bed, but this time the Shadowhunter’s moves were not hurried or frantic, hands clutching, unsure of what to do, where to touch. Instead Alec’s hands, strong and authoritative as always, moved slower, softer than before, caressing every part of Magnus he could. His lips too, though no less hungry for Magnus’s own, were gentler as they danced across Magnus’s lips, face, trailing slowly down the strong line of his jaw.

Magnus smiled above him, unable to stop himself, his mind reeling. He felt dizzy and not from the portal. When he’d gone to the Institute tonight he truly hadn’t known what to expect, what to let himself even hope for. He’d wanted so badly for Alec to finally let him in, trust him with his heart as well as his body but a part of him, the bitter broken part Magnus had kept guarded for so long, feared it was already too late, that he’d lost Alec completely. Yet somehow, perhaps by a magic Magnus himself had yet to discover, he had Alec in his arms once more and he was determined to never let him go again.

 

Though completely different from the wild and desperate way Alec had come to Magnus before; these quiet, delicate kisses confessed more than any other could. Each time Alec’s lips brushed his or traced Magnus skin the Shadowhunter let more of himself go, speaking truths he’d kept inside for so long. _I’m sorry…forgive me_ said silently as he kissed Magnus cheek. _I can’t be without you…_ as Alec’s lips dance along his jaw. _I want you…_ as he kissed Magnus’s throat. Magnus groaned at the feel of Alec’s lips sucking his pulse point and the sound caused something to shift in Alec.

 

Tightening his grip on Magnus waist his kisses grew harder and more desperate. Alec pulled back and silently moved his hands up, shaking from desperation more than nerves he pushed Magnus’s jacket from his shoulders, before moving to the buttons of his waistcoat. His hands trailed up Magnus’s chest, tracing the firm muscles beneath the undoubtedly expensive shirt and began to untie the cravat around his neck. Alec’s face fell into a frown as he struggled with the silk material tied so elegantly beneath Magnus’s collar. Seeing his struggle Magnus brought his hands up to assist, unable to stop the grin appearing from the look of intense concentration on Alec’s face, the same look he wore when preparing his bow before battle. As always wanting to help the Shadowhunter Magnus bent his head slightly upwards to tug at the grey fabric he now cursed himself for deciding to wear. Both now so distracted neither noticed the others movement until Magnus’s forehead collided hard with the side of Alec’s head, resulting in a sore but unlikely lasting injury.

 

Alec let out a small cry, of surprise more than pain and rubbed his forehead, Magnus offered an apologetic smile in return and with a flick of his right hand the troublesome garment disappeared in a flash of blue. Shaking his head slightly Alec let out a soft laugh as he edged their bodies closer once more, the beautiful sound caused Magnus’s heart to swell and he captured the last of it with his lips. Magnus raised his hand once more but Alec grabbed it mid-air, breaking the kiss staring at him with a commanding look. _No more magic_. Magnus nodded in understanding and lowered his hand. Alec wanted to undress him.

 

Silently Alec’s hands set back to work and slowly, torturously so in Magnus’s opinion, undid each button of his shirt. Magnus stayed still, hands at his side trying to keep his breathing calm, letting Alec lead this. Alec reached the top and final button and pressed himself flush against Magnus, crashing his lips against him as he roughly pushed the shirt from his shoulders. The Shadowhunter’s strong arms settled around Magnus’s body, groping at his taut back as the Warlock’s own slid between them, tugging the zipper of Alec’s hoodie down and off his body almost as quick as any magic could have done.

 

They stayed like that, bare chested and warm skinned, mouth on mouth, tongues delving into one another, tasting and claiming the other. Then Magnus felt Alec’s hands circle round him, fingers hooked between the top of his pants and waistline until finally settling on his belt buckle. Alec broke the kiss and locked his eyes with Magnus, his skilful warrior hands trembled as they pulled the leather strap loose and dragged his zipper down. Neither said a word as Alec tugged the pants over Magnus hips, along with his boxers. The only sounds were their hurried breathing and the soft thud as both items fell at Magnus feet. Magnus shrugged his feet lose, kicking the ridiculously expensive garments away, with his shoes as though they were worthless, anything separating him from Alec was.

 

Alec moved back, just a little and looked at Magnus, letting out a slow, almost imperceptible breath as he saw him like this for the first time. Magnus allowed Alec this moment, not embarrassed or self-conscious as he stood naked before him. Magnus had always been more than comfortable (in truth rather proud) of his body. In fact he was so accustomed to lovers eyeing him hungrily with desire that after all these years he was unfazed by it. Yet as Alec looked at him now it felt completely different. Alongside the lust and desire burning in his eyes, Magnus saw something else, something he had never felt before; Alec was staring at him as he were the most magnificent thing in the word. There was something in that look which caused Magnus heart to ache; something he could not dare let himself believe was possible, unable to bear the weight of it he turned away, closing his eyes.

 

He felt Alec’s hands touch his face, cupping his jaw and Magnus could do nothing else but turn his face into the Shadowhunter’s huge palm. His eyes opened once more as he heard a single world muttered softly from Alec’s lips.

 

‘Beautiful.’

 

Magnus opened his mouth, no thoughts able to form in his mind as to what he might say in response but Alec silenced him before he had the chance. Alec’s free hand snaked around his waist once more, settling on his hip, gripping harder now, just on the edge of painful but not quite. Tightening his hold Alec guided their bodies back to one another and now; flushed against one another, Magnus discovered Alec was naked, having quickly dispensed with his sweatpants himself. Had he not been lost in the feel of Alec consuming him so completely the Warlock might have made some quippy remark but instead he just mewled against Alec’s devouring mouth.

 

It felt like they were the only two people in this world or any other as they melted into one another. Alec’s hands were everywhere, exploring every inch of Magnus, burning fingers scratched across his back, hips and thighs, down his stomach, pressing their bare bodies even closer together. For the first time Magnus felt Alec’s stiff length pressed against his, growing even impossibly harder himself. He threw his arms around Alec’s neck, deepening their kiss, thrusting his tongue in greedily.

 

An odd sensation washed over Alec, though completely inexperienced and innocent by Magnus’s estimation, in this moment he knew exactly what he wanted, needed to do. He needed to touch Magnus. Trembling Alec’s hands followed the path of his abs slowly moving lower between their bodies before hesitantly he reached for Magnus and wrapped his hand around him. Magnus pulled his lips away with a shuddering breath and closed his eyes, resting his forehead against Alec’s, the sounds of their ragged breaths filling the room. Alec cupped him firmly for a moment, feeling the heavy weight of his dick in his hand, it felt so hard and thick and amazing. It took every inch of self-control Magnus had not launch himself at the Shadowhunter as he slowly moved his hand over his solid dick, learning the feel of him. Magnus wanted to let Alec take the lead, set the pace but the feel of Alec’s mouth and hands on him were almost too much, he honestly didn’t know how much longer his restraint or body would last. Not only would that do his lothario reputation no good at all, he wanted tonight to be about Alec. More importantly, despite everything they had said to one another tonight, he needed to know Alec was sure.

 

Despite every fibre of his body screaming at him not to, Magnus pushed them apart, chest heaving and breath ragged. Alec moved his hand from Magnus and set it firm against his hip.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus murmured lowly. ‘You don’t have to prove anything.’

 

Hearing the words which a few nights ago caused him such humiliation and shame Alec let out a heavy breath, eyes boring straight into Magnus’s, ‘I know…kiss me.’

 

Those words were enough for Magnus self-restraint to disappear as quickly as his troublesome cravat. He reached up grabbing Alec by the back of his neck, hands gripping roughly at his dark locks as he devoured his lips, tugging him backwards until they collapsed on the bed. They landed in a less than graceful tangle of limbs and Alec actually let out a soft giggle unable to stop himself. The sound of this 6’3” fierce and unyielding warrior actually giggling, free and lost in the moment above him was something Magnus never knew he craved so desperately until now. Magnus looked up at Alec, he was so beautiful, too beautiful, a warrior with an angel’s face and Magnus knew he would never want another thing in this world as much as he wanted Alec.

 

Deciding it was his turn now Magnus pushed his body upward, tugging Alec by the neck, kissing him roughly as he rolled them over, encasing Alec’s body in his. His skilled yet desperate hands raked all over Alec’s chest, his tongue forcing its way into his mouth as he ground himself against Alec’s core causing a deep growl to come from the Shadowhunter. With a grin Magnus moved lower, kissing Alec’s runed skin; his neck, collarbone, chest, worshipping every dark mark with his lips and tongue.

 

Alec was exquisite. Magnus wanted to take his time, taste every inch of him and mark him for his own but he was too eager tonight. Shifting his body he moved lower, taking one waiting nipple into his mouth, gently rolling his tongue over it whilst his expert hand teased at the other. Alec’s hands delved into Magnus hair, scratching at it, holding his head to his skin. Magus moved his lips to the other nipple, teeth lightly grazing and sucking. Alec let out a desperate whimper above him before Magnus returned his lips to the hot skin of his neck.

 

‘Alexander…’ he breathed, voice heavy and desperate. ‘Tell me if you want me to stop.’

 

Alec gave the slightest nod of his head before smothering Magnus’s lips with his. Magnus met his mouth hungrily as his hands resumed their dance across his lower body, fingers brushing his firm sides, tracing the hard muscles of his hips and abs until they moved lower. Slowly Magnus reached for Alec’s waiting length, he’d felt it hard against his body before but now feeling it in his hand was incredible. Alec was large, not surprising given his stature and, like the man himself his dick was strong and imposing. It felt heavy and solid and perfect in Magnus hold.

 

Alec was painfully hard, almost too far gone already and Magnus wanted to make him come undone completely. Alec reacted instantly to even Magnus lightest touch, bucking into his hand and writhing beneath him, Magnus name falling over and over a soft whimper from his lips. He set his skilful hands to work, one grasped firmer at Alec’s cock, rubbing and tugging whilst the other trailed the underside of his solid length, stroking down to the base cupping his balls, fondling and squeezing them as Alec jolted above him. Alec’s hands gripped desperately at Magnus, burying his face in the curve of his neck, kissing, biting, tasting any part of him his lips could find. Magnus increased the intensity and pace, both hands working around Alec’s shaft, Alec’s desperate pants and moans filling the room. Magnus knew he was close but still he wanted more, wanted to give Alec more.

 

Too gone in his own lust and desire to think Magnus took Alec’s throbbing cock into his mouth. Alec cried out, his body lifting off the bed as Magnus’s tongue swirled at his tip, licking him up and down before swallowing his dick completely once more. Alec closed his eyes, head batting against the pillow as Magnus’s hot mouth and tongue lapped at him, instinctively thrusting his hips upwards into his mouth, groaning when he felt it hit the back of Magnus throat.

 

Knowing Alec was on the edge Magnus placed one hand firm on his hip, holding Alec still as he moved the other hand back to his balls, squeezing one final time then moving lower to the bundle of nerves between them and his ass. Magnus’s fingers massaged Alec gently as his mouth continued to suck hard at Alec’s throbbing cock.

 

‘Uh…god…Magnus…I…’ was all Alec managed before a strangled cry escaped his lips, his entire body thrashing and writhing violently as his release ripped through him.

 

Alec’s hands remained desperately clutched at Magnus head as Magnus took all Alec had to give, reveling in the taste of him on his tongue. Still so hard Magnus ground himself against the bed, eager for any friction to find some release he was more concerned with his lover’s pleasure in this moment. 

 

Alec collapsed, drained and breathless against the bed, hand still set in Magnus hair as he removed his mouth from him. Magnus rested his head against Alec’s stomach for a moment as he recovered from his orgasm. Slowly he moved, the lightest of kisses tracing Alec’s thighs, hips and stomach as he moved back up the Shadowhunter’s body. Alec slowly opened his eyes, dark and heavy.

 

‘That was…’ Alec said barely audible against the heavy sound of his breathing, still falling in ragged bursts from his chest. ‘I…I never thought…’

 

Smiling Magnus cut him off with a kiss which Alec met hungrily, tasting himself as his tongue swept over Magnus’s. Alec had lost none of his desire or hunger, he was already half-hard again, Magnus blessed youth and Shadowhunter stamina but he knew Alec was exhausted, from their recent trysts as well as the past nights of grueling patrols. Tonight had been enough, more than enough, it had been incredible but now Magnus would reward Alec with well-deserved rest. Magnus broke his lips to tell the Shadowhunter exactly this but froze at the troubled, almost shameful look on Alec’s face.

 

‘Alexander…’ he asked shakily. ‘Are you alright?’

 

Alec’s eyes were downcast, not meeting Magnus’s. He shifted his body out from under Magnus, effectively pushing the Warlock off him. Suddenly the old anxieties and fears flooded Magnus’s body, did Alec regret this?

 

Turning onto his side, Alec finally spoke, ‘You didn’t get to…I’d didn’t make you…’ he stammered, eyes darting down to Magnus still hard dick.

 

Magnus understood ‘It’s ok Alec, I enjoyed what we just did…you have no idea.’ He added with a smirk, hands reaching out and traced Alec’s side reassuringly. ‘I wanted tonight to be about you…’ he lent forward and nuzzled at Alec’s neck. ‘We have plenty of other nights ahead.’

 

Alec breathed heavily in his ear but pushed Magnus back, his own hands roamed over Magnus chest.

 

‘I want to…for you…’ he said.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus began but Alec kissed him silencing any further protests.

 

‘Magnus please…I want to make you feel good.’ Alec’s voice a strangled plea against Magnus lips.

 

The sound of Alec so desperate for Magnus, begging to touch him was enough to make Magnus harder than ever before. With a small nod of his head he bent down and kissed Alec but the Shadowhunter was already pushing Magnus onto his back.

 

Alec kissed his way down Magnus’s body, mirroring Magnus’s own actions. Alec moved slower, more restrained and cautious though as his hands stroked down Magnus side and hips, moving down to his crotch. Magnus could feel the nerves reverberating off him but also saw the want and desire in his eyes.

 

‘Touch me Alec, touch me like you’d touch yourself.’ Magnus murmured.

 

Alec had held him in his hand already, knew how the heaviness and thickness of Magnus felt but he didn’t know how to make Magnus feel the way he had made Alec feel. He wanted to so badly. Timidly Alec reached for him and wrapped his large hand around Magnus’s straining length, feeling it grow even harder in his hold.

 

A low hiss escaped Magnus’s mouth; he closed his eyes and let his head fall back against the pillow. Alec moved his hands slowly at first, his strong fingers rubbing up and down Magnus’s throbbing length. Magnus couldn’t help himself, he dug his hands into Alec’s side with such force he was sure to leave a bruise. His breathing became increasingly heavy and broken as Alec began to increase the intensity of his movements.

 

Alec watched the reactions on Magnus face, his own one of wonder as the Warlock’s body responded to his movements, feeling an aching heat rising between his own legs once more. Compelled by a mixture of desire and curiosity for more, Alec increased his actions, gripping harder and moving faster. Magnus couldn’t help but buck into his hand, letting out a low guttural grunt as the pleasure began to spread through his body. Drawn to him like a magnet Alec seized Magnus’s lips, sucking and biting at his bottom lip. Magnus practically growled in response as Alec’s fingers lightly ghosted over the tip of his throbbing dick.

 

Suddenly Alec’s movements stopped and his hands were gone, replaced by the feel of his tongue lapping along the underside of Magnus’s length before he took it in his mouth quickly, wanting to get as much in as possible.

 

‘Alex-an-der!’ Magnus hissed, hips thrusting forward violently.

 

Magnus opened his eyes and looked down at the Shadowhunter’s titan-like body crouched before him, chest spread against Magnus legs, arms either side as his mouth engulfed him. Alec’s eyes were open wide, staring up at Magnus, fixed on him and Magnus felt his cock grow harder as Alec’s tongue lapped at him.

 

Alec’s mouth moved sloppily at first, slowly bobbing his head getting use to the feeling of Magnus, he wrapped one hand around his shaft, guiding it into his mouth. He kept his lips tight, the heavy weight he’d felt his hand incomparable to the feel of Magnus’s thick length filling his mouth. Alec rolls his tongue up and down, Magnus convulsing as it laps at the head of him. The taste of Magnus, tart and salty, stung his throat but Alec only goes harder, greedy for more.  

 

Alec feels a hand slip into his hair, sliding through it gently not gripping wildly as he had, not pushing or forcing but moving with Alec’s movements. He knows his actions are nowhere near as skilled as Magnus but Alec finds a rhythm of his own. His mouth moving easier now, he finds he can take even more of Magnus into his mouth, gulping his length all the way in until he gags. He winces, eyes watering slightly but any discomfort is outweighed by the reaction his movements elicit from the man above him. Magnus’s breathing sharp and rough, his grip in Alec’s hair turns suddenly desperate, as though clinging on as his hips twist and thrust into Alec’s mouth, hitting the back of his throat.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus croaks through tangled breaths. ‘I’m going to…’

 

Alec felt Magnus’s dick swelling inside against his tongue and knows what’s about to happen, his movements falter for a second as he considered what to do. Magnus hands moved from Alec’s hair to his shoulders trying to guide him off, he doesn’t expect Alec to do what he did, Alec knows this but he also knows what he wants more than anything else in this moment is to taste all of Magnus. He moved his head, batting Magnus’s hands away and sucked even harder, cheeks hollowed, eyes fixated on Magnus. The Warlock tossed his head back, face contorted in a look of utter desperation as he cried out. It was the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen but at the same time it also gave him a perverse sense of pleasure, so used to seeing Magnus in complete control.

 

Alec felt the heat of Magnus’s release before he tasted it, warm and bitter against his throat but he wanted all of it. Neither took their eyes off the other as the Warlock’s body shudders only final time. Alec pulled back, his throat felt a little sore and jaw tight as he propped himself up on one elbow. Magnus crumpled back against the now tangled sheets, sweat covered and chest pulsing, staring at Alec with a look of astonishment. Alec’s eyes fall slightly and Magnus notices a flash of nerves in them. Alec caught his breath, wiping his mouth against the back of his free hand. It was at the same time the most innocent and obscene thing Magnus had seen in centuries, he felt himself growing hard again at the sight.

 

‘Was that…ok?’ Alec asked quietly.

 

Magnus sat up instantly answering Alec with a hard rough kiss. ‘You continue to surprise me Alexander.’

 

* * *

 

 

It might have been hours later or days, neither knew nor cared, time having lost any sense of meaning, as they lay content in a tangled mess of limbs under the soft red sheets of Magnus’s sinfully comfortably bed. Alec’s head rested against Magnus’s stomach, arms stretched across him as the Warlock’s delicate fingers tracing over the runes which littered the Shadowhunter’s magnificent back.

 

Alec felt completely spent, his eyes heavy and body weary, he can feel sleep calling him, aided by the soothing feel of Magnus’s touch. But his mind wouldn’t quiet, a million different thoughts and emotions rushing through him. Tonight had been the most incredible of his life, he never thought he’d be able to have this, to be with someone like this, he never knew he could feel this way. He’d meant what he’d said to Magnus earlier tonight, Magnus made him feel free, free from the secrets and lies and denying who he was. And now Magnus had liberated another part of Alec, given him feelings and pleasures that before tonight, he couldn’t have even comprehended. He never wanted to lose this feeling.

 

In fact he wanted more, more of Magnus, to give more of himself to Magnus. He knew it wouldn’t be tonight. They hadn’t spoken about it, they hadn’t really spoken at all, just enjoyed the blissful silence of being with one another but Alec knew he would, one night, when it was right, he’d give all of himself to Magnus.

 

Alec was brought from his thoughts as he felt Magnus’s hands squeeze him slightly. He turned his face upwards, ‘Hmmm?’

 

Magnus chuckled, ‘That answers my second question if you were actually listening to me.’

 

Alec blushed and turned his cheek against Magnus’s skin, ‘Sorry…’ he mumbled. ‘What did you say?’

 

‘I was just wondering what you were thinking about so intently.’ Magnus answered running his hands through Alec’s hair.

 

Alec smiled, ‘I just feel…’ his words trailed off, what words could he find to describe what he felt in this moment. ‘I never thought it could be like this.’

 

Magnus hummed above him in agreement knowing what he meant completely.

 

‘I knew _being_ with somebody would feel good, god I’ve been subjected to enough of Jace and Izzy’s sexcapades to understand that.’ Alec rolled his eyes, cringing as he remembered the recent “advice” chats with both his siblings, the Jace one particularly burned into his memory. ‘Jace even tried to give me advice the other night…’ he shook his head not wanting to say any more as Magnus choked back a laugh. ‘But they never talked about it being like _this_.’

 

Alec rolled onto his side and looked earnestly at Magnus, ‘Is it always like this?’

 

‘Always is a difficult thing to answer Alexander.’ He said softly leaning his head against Alec’s. ‘But for me…no, it’s not always like this. This…us, is different.’

 

Alec kissed him lightly in response before pulling back unable to stop the yawn escaping from his lips.

 

‘Have I worn you out already Shadowhunter? So much for those stamina runes.’ Magnus teased, playful smile falling as he saw the nervous look Alec’s face.

 

Alec bit his lip. ‘Can I stay?’

 

 _Forever?_ Magnus asked in his head but simply nodded, pulling Alec into the curve of his arms as his answer. Alec smiled and settled himself in Magnus’s hold, reveling once more in the soothing feel of his arms.

 

Magnus laughed to himself, unable to stop. ‘I can’t believe Jace tried to give you sex advice.’

 

‘Me either.’ Alec made a noise somewhere between a scoff and a groan, ‘My family are hardly the epitome of relationship experts. There’s Izzy who uses sex as a weapon and interrogation tactic, Jace who found out the only girl he’s ever actually had feelings for is his lost long sister…’ Alec’s words were particularly exasperated as he thought about the dreadfulness of that situation. ‘And then there’s my parents, the definition of a dysfunction and…’ Alec shifted slightly. ‘Sorry, I guess parent’s are on the list of things not to discuss in bed with your boyfriend.’

 

Magnus couldn’t help it; his body physically reacted as Alec said the word. His arms froze, whole body went rigid just for a moment. _Boyfriend?_ He hoped Alec was too tired to notice and quickly resumed his gentle movements but the look on Alec’s face said otherwise.

 

‘Sorry…’ Alec mumbled clealry embarrassed. ‘I know we haven’t actually said what we’re…if we are…it just came out…I shouldn’t assume…’

 

‘Alexander.’ Magnus said firmly. ‘Do you think I would have said what I did tonight if this was some fling? This, us, is real.’

 

Alec smiled, ‘So you’re my boyfriend and I’m yours.’ It wasn’t said as a question but a statement.

 

‘Well it’s been a very long time since I was someone’s boyfriend…’ Magnus’s voice trailed off. He wasn’t sure he’d actually ever been given the label boyfriend before. Lover, partner yes, friend with benefits, one night stand, but boyfriend, he wasn’t sure. But hearing it from Alec’s lips he decided it was his new favorite word.

 

‘But yes Alexander, I am yours and you are mine.’ Magnus said, the true weight of his words hung in the air though neither said anymore. Magnus paused for a moment, then asked. ‘How are things with your parents?’

 

‘Magnus I really didn’t mean to bring them up, we don’t have to talk about them, especially now…or ever.’ Alec protested but Magnus simply raised his eyebrows and gave him stern look. Alec sighed and relented, ‘Honestly I don’t know, they’re still in Idris. I’ve barely heard anything from them, Izzy either. Though she’s acting really weird lately too…’

 

Magnus shifted slightly beside him, he had his own fears about Isabelle following their encounter the other night at the Hunter’s Moon, he didn’t know what was going on with Isabelle, but something was off. He didn’t think now was the moment to voice them with Alec, the selfish part of him didn’t want anything to spoil tonight.

 

‘My family is not exactly great at communicating.’ Alec said catching Magnus’s rolling eyes. ‘I know, I know …I guess that’s where I get it from. My parents mostly speak via fire messages or briefings nowadays.’

 

‘Parents can be…difficult.’ Magnus said simply, pushing any thoughts of his own from his mind.

 

‘They weren’t always like this. I remember when I was younger, before Jace came to stay with us, they were different. Less angry and bitter…they were happy I think.’ Alec said his voice soft as the memories flooded his mind. ‘We used to go to the Barcelona Institute every summer, it was where they first met, my dad actually proposed to my mom there. She was like a totally different person when we there, light and freer. I remember seeing them once, I must have been about seven or eight, and they were dancing on the roof even though there was no music…’

 

Magnus said nothing, letting Alec speak in his own time. Just when he thought Alec couldn’t surprise him anymore he always managed to prove him wrong. After everything they had said, shared with one another tonight Alec was still letting Magnus see another part of himself, his family, his past.

 

‘Then things changed, Jace came and my mom became head of the New York Institute, my dad would go Idris more and more, stay for longer and longer each time. I was a kid then I didn’t know but as I got older I figured it out…’ Alec paused. ‘My dad was having an affair. We don’t talk about it and it ended, obviously…’ though Alec’s tone showed he was not entirely convinced of this. ‘Then Max was born, and I thought, maybe things would get better but too much had happened. They were never the same. We never went back to Barcelona.’ His voice was filled with such sadness.

 

‘Alec...’ Magnus said softly.

 

Alec shook his head, ‘Sorry you probably didn’t need to know any of that. I know my mother hasn’t been the most welcoming to you…us.’

 

‘I like learning about your family Alec, they’re apart of you.’ He answered truthfully. ‘Though I don’t expect your mother and I will be swapping travel tips anytime soon.’

 

Alec chuckled, another yawn falling from his lips; his eyes were barely staying open.

 

Magnus sighed and pulled Alec close to him, kissing the top of his head softly. ‘But now, I think sleep is what’s needed Shadowhunter.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so guys thoughts? obviously its not Malec going all the way yet, like I said in the last post i'm extending this story beyond the 207/208 gap so it's kind of going in a bit of a different way than originally intended and I actually like the idea of building up to their first time a bit more (hell of lot more than the show!)
> 
> also i couldn't resist tagging on a little post-sexytime chat.
> 
> as always comments and thoughts are appreciated.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N:So like everyone I'm pretty much still in pieces following that Winter finale! My babies are so happy (for now) so I ended up writing some soft Malec in the next couple of chapters to feed through 2.08-2.10 likely to focus on the missing scenes and include some scenes with little changes. This is some missing Malec moments as I just want more Malec all the time!

Streaks of bright amber glimmered through the huge glass windows of Magnus’s loft as the morning sun filtered through against the Brooklyn skyline. The Warlock blinked his eyes open slowly, rubbing sleep from them he rolled over looking at the clock on the nightstand, it was almost 11am. Magnus couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept in so late, leisurely lie-ins were certainly not something he had much experience of. Centuries of portalling all over the world in and out of changing time-zones meant he had grown accustomed to functioning on little or no sleep. And when sleep did find him it wasn’t always entirely restful. Magnus found when he laid alone in the dark the fears and worries he managed to push from his mind during his hectic and demanding days wormed their way in and tormented him. He often dreamed of his childhood, usually of his mother, or sometimes and those dreams were always much worse, his father. He remembered the fear, rejection, guilt and pain he felt, every minute detail flooded back to him in the quiet of his dreams and tormented him night after night. He resisted dosing himself with sleeping draughts, knowing the dangers of Warlocks who self-medicated with their own potions but occasionally he would give in, allow himself at least one nightmare free night, cherishing the feeling when he awoke the following morning rested and his mind untroubled if only for a short while.

 

And that was how he felt as he awoke this morning, completely content and at peace. He couldn’t recall a time he had slept so well. Rolling onto his side he saw the source of his newfound bliss, still sleeping beside him. Alec lay on his front, arms tucked under the pillow, face turned inwards facing Magnus. They’d fallen asleep rather quickly last night, Alec tucked into the curve of Magnus’s arms, Alec’s own splayed across his chest, legs intertwined beneath the sheets. They moved around a lot through the night, both adjusting to the feel of sharing the bed with the other. Sometime in the early hours they found a position which seemed to work and Magnus found himself half on his side, his arms wrapped around Alec, face tucked into the crook of the Shadowhunter’s neck, finding more comfort and bliss than he thought possible in the sounds of Alec’s soft breathing filling the night as he slept beside him.

 

Magnus smiled unable to stop his face from doing anything else. This was the first time Magnus had been allowed to see Alec like this, the deep set scowl that usually furrowed his brow when awake, there even when Alec seemed to be happy, was completely gone. He looked more relaxed than Magnus had ever seen, completely at ease, undisturbed by the pressure and responsibilities of his duty, his family name, the horrors of the war they were facing and his own struggles as he let himself be who he truly was. Unable to stop himself Magnus reached out and lightly traced a line from the top of Alec’s forehead down, dipping into the curve of his cheek before brushing over his perfect lips, set into a soft almost half-pout as he slept. Magnus wanted to take them and suck them between his teeth.

 

The sunlight danced over Alec’s warm olive skin, causing it to almost glow, as if calling for Magnus touch. Magnus shifted his body and lent against Alec’s, soft lips pressed against his exposed shoulder, more followed, decorating his broad muscular back. Alec squirmed slightly under the sheet, his eyes remained closed though a smile appeared on his face.

 

‘Mmmmm.’ The only sound from the Shadowhunter’s lips.

 

Magnus’s own smile grew as he moved his lips upwards covering Alec’s neck, jaw, face before finding his lips.

 

‘Good morning.’ Magnus said as he fell back against the pillow.

 

‘Morning.’ Alec breathed softly finally opening his eyes, the half-smile on his lips grew as he took in the sight of Magnus looking down at him.

 

‘How do you feel?’ Magnus asked softly, admittedly a rather open ended question after what they’d shared the night before.

 

Alec smiled, a smile which lit up his entire face, one few people rarely saw from him but Magnus was growing quite accustomed to.

 

‘I feel…’ he breathed. ‘…happy.’ Alec said the final word with an almost questioning tone, as if it was a feeling he wasn’t used to.

 

Magnus smiled, ‘Did you sleep ok?’ hands replacing his lips on Alec’s body, fingers tracing the shapes of his runes.

 

‘Better than I have in a while.’ Alec stretched his body out slightly, rubbing his head into the soft pillow. ‘Seriously Magnus is this made of clouds? I feel like I never want to leave this bed.’

 

Magnus chuckled and lent closer, his voice low. ‘I’d be ok with that Shadowhunter.’ He said before his kissed Alec.

 

Alec laughed as he broke his lips away enjoying the soft feel of Magnus’s hands. They lay in silence for a while, enjoying the feel of being with one another.

 

After a time Alec rolled onto his side, fingers tracing Magnus’s chest, a hopeful look on his face. ‘Do you have plans today?’

 

‘Free as a bird.’ Magnus lied.

 

In fact he had three clients booked in, bookings he’d moved this week when he’d been wallowing in his Alec-withdrawal, one in Mogadishu he was actually already late for and this was not a man you wanted to cross. Magnus however could not find himself to care, he’d cross every warlord in the western hemisphere to spend the day with Alec, especially if it involved Alec in his bed.

 

‘Good.’ Alec propped himself up kissing Magnus quickly, Magnus saw something he was not used to seeing in his eyes, a playful almost impish glint.

 

‘What did you have in mind?’ Magnus asked his curiosity and lust rising in equal measure.

 

Alec sat up fully now, giving Magnus a close up view of his perfect chest and abs, he traced a hand down Magnus side, falling over his waist and slipping under the sheet. Magnus took a sharp breath as Alec’s hands roamed beneath the fabric, tracing along his hip, down his thighs, fingers moving up and down tauntingly.

 

‘I thought…maybe, we could try uh…a little more…uh show and tell.’ Alec breathed, his voice trembled, face suddenly closer than Magnus than remembered.

 

Though Magnus’s mind was growing blurry at the feel of Alec’s hands on his skin he grinned, alongside the nerves he heard the low, almost suggestive tone in Alec’s voice. Alec was trying to flirt with him and though he was sure it wasn’t the Shadowhunter’s intention it was adorable.

 

‘Is that so?’ Magnus replied trying to stop the smile spreading fully on his face, not wanting to dampen Alec’s newfound confidence. ‘My, Alexander, are you trying to seduce me?’

 

Alec’s cheeks blushed but he tried to keep his expression fixed, ‘Maybe…’ he murmured his hands moving across Magnus thighs, brushing against his already half-hard length, Alec quirked an eyebrow. ‘Is it working?’

 

‘Always.’ Magnus replied in more of a growl than word before he took Alec’s mouth, kissing him deeply.

 

Alec moaned and gripped his hand at Magnus’s waist, pushing him over until Alec’s body was atop his. Magnus lay back, revelling in the feel of the man above him, kissing and touching him so hungrily. Alec’s lips were at his neck, licking and nipping at his skin, his earlobe when Magnus heard the unmistakable sound of his cell phone blaring from the pocket of his discarded jacket across the room. Magnus shook his head, blocking the sound from his mind concentrating only on the feel of Alec. Silence returned and then a moment later the phone rang again.

 

‘Ignore it.’ Alec murmured between kisses, moving back to Magnus lips.

 

On the third time Magnus waved his hand silencing the phone instantly with a flash of blue, tongue delving into Alec’s mouth. Suddenly the phone on the nightstand sprang to life, ringing even louder in their ears, Alec let out a growl of frustration as he sat up.

 

‘If that’s Jace I swear I’m going to…’ he muttered darkly.

 

Magnus waved his hand silencing any murderous thoughts Alec might be having over his parabatai, who did seem to have a tendency to interrupt at the most spectacular moments. He grabbed the phone, suddenly wondering if perhaps it might not be Jace but a very angry and deadly Somalian warlord who would not have appreciated his ward reinforcements being cancelled on twice in one week so Magnus could spend the morning in bed with his boyfriend.

 

‘Yes?’ Magnus spat bitterly, if it was Jace he may as well start with annoyance in his voice, if it was the warlord he could feign an emergency and offer this spell free of charge. The tense hunch of Magnus shoulder’s fell instantly as he heard the voice at the other end, ‘Oh Isabelle it’s you…’

 

Alec’s own annoyed expression was by a combination of utter shock and embarrassment.

 

‘Is everything ok?’ Magnus asked, why else would Isabelle be calling him if there wasn’t another life threatening emergency at the Institute. ‘What…Alec? Yes he’s here…yes I understand there is a slight issue with his phone at the moment…’

 

Magnus eyes met Alec’s and grinned. It seemed Isabelle had been trying to find Alec all night, the last anyone had seen of him yesterday was trudging gloomily to his room after patrol, barking at everyone to leave him alone and then he’d vanished. She’d tried calling his cell which she was unaware lay smashed in pieces in his room, then of course she’d come to Magnus.

 

‘Yes of course, hold on.’ Magnus said passing the phone to Alec, before lowering his voice. ‘It’s Isabelle.’

 

‘Yeah I got that.’ Alec rolled his eyes as he took the phone from Magnus, ‘Izzy, hey I…yeah sorry I had to...my phone? It err…it just stopped working. What do you…’

 

Magnus lent back against the headboard, sighing as he listened to the two siblings go back and forth, grinning to himself as he heard Alec struggle against his sister’s interrogation.

 

‘I stayed here…yes at Magnus’s…’ he lowered his voice, though Magnus had no idea why he could hear everything anyway. ‘No, Izzy I…I’m not talking about it… _Izzy!’_

Magnus tried not to snort as he heard Isabelle’s excited questions and repetion of the word _details_ over and over from the end of the phone. Though Isabelle’s interruption reminded him of something, Alec needed a new phone and immediately. Magnus gave a flick of his hand and a new cell phone appeared in Alec’s lap.

 

Alec’s eyes went wide in shock, ‘Look Izzy I gotta go. Yes I’m on my way…’ he rolled his eyes. ‘Fine, fine I promise. Bye.’

 

He ended the call and tossed the phone on the bed beside the pristine new one that had appeared.

 

‘What’s that?’ he asked, cursing himself as the ridiculous question left his mouth.

 

‘This Alexander is a phone; people use it, it seems in your case a very eager for details about last night Isabelle, to contact you.’ Magnus replied grinning. ‘I take it you have to go?’

 

‘Unfortunately.’ Alec sighed, nodding though not actually moving. He didn’t want to leave. ‘I can come back later…finish what we started?’

 

Magnus grinned, despite his lack of subtly he could get used to flirtatious Alec. He leaned up and kissed him, ‘I’m not going anywhere Shadowhunter.’

 

* * *

 

Magnus couldn’t quite believe he’d heard Alec correctly, was Alec really asking him what he thought he was? When Alec announced Maryse had returned Magnus first instinct had been to run and hide, perhaps a long weekend on a beach somewhere with many, many cocktails. He’d hoped Alec had had a similar thought when he suggested that he had something else in mind, perhaps a lengthy show and tell weekend locked away in the loft.

 

But for some reason Alec felt the appropriate response was in fact to throw a party for his younger brother’s rune ceremony, attended by his mother who absolutely despised Magnus with every fibre of her very being and refused to acknowledge his relationship with Alec at all. The idea was completely absurd, and Magnus wanted absolutely no part of it.

 

‘I’ll think I’ll pass.’ Magnus said turning away hoping, though knowing it was unlikely, that Alec would let this go.

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec sighed, his name more of a plea than scold.

 

Magnus turned back to him as he always would, ‘I’m sure I’ll love Max but Maryse…’ Alec stepped closer to him. ‘That woman hates me.’

 

 _And the feeling was rather mutual_ Magnus added in his head.

 

‘That’s sorta the point of the party.’ Alec replied, hands moving behind his back the way they did when he was about to make a serious point. Magnus stared at him intently, intrigued about where this was going. ‘So that she can see that _this_ …’ Alec’s right hand sprung free and gestured between them. ‘…us, it’s not going away.’

 

Magnus heard Alec’s words and understood his thinking. On the surface it seemed like a sensible plan, a party would be the first real public event for Alec and Magnus as a couple. Like his actions at his wedding it would show the whole Shadoworld who Alec truly was, who they were together.

 

For though Magnus was truly touched by the gesture and believed in Alec’s honest intentions, he wasn’t sure the Shadowhunter fully understood the potential implications. The Lightwood family’s youngest child’s rune celebration held at the residence of the High Warlock of Brooklyn’s home, a Warlock currently involved in a same-sex relationship with the eldest Lightwood son, heir to the family name, was not something that would go unnoticed. Magnus knew how much Idris loved gossip and this would be the talk of the Clave for months.

 

Even if he were to agree to it, Magnus knew it would take more than a party, even one as fabulous as Magnus would throw, to change Maryse Lightwoods opinion. Her hatred of Magnus was visceral but that didn’t bother him. Truth be told he had very little time or interest in the Nephilim and archaic rules that governed the Shadoworld. In fact he really didn’t like Shadowhunter’s at all, just one, _his_ one and that was what worried him most about this whole situation. Maryse could refuse to acknowledge Alec’s true self or his relationship in private but should she refuse the party or worse make some cruel scene he wasn’t sure Alec would recover. What had happened at the wedding had been spontaneous and come out of nowhere, the party was different.

 

‘Are you sure about this?’ Magnus asked with a half-smile though he already knew the answer.

 

‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Alec replied absolute certainty in his voice.

 

Magnus gave a small nod of agreement, knowing he was never going to refuse Alec, on this or anything he ever asked. Besides Magnus did _love_ throwing a party. _Why the hell not_ , he thought.

 

‘Then I’d better get to work.’ He said leaning forward lightly patting Alec on his broad chest before walking off without another word, mentally drafting a million to do lists in his mind leaving Alec standing a little stunned and disappointed.

 

On the surface it was an innocent gentle touch but it was also his way of dismissing Alec from his presence. Magnus had a party to plan in one day and needed to focus, no distractions and that included Alec, especially Alec.

 

‘Don’t I even get a goodbye?’ the Shadowhunter whined.

 

Without looking Magus grabbed a book from the shelf as he sauntered out. ‘Goodbye Alexander, I have a _fabulous_ party to plan.’

 

* * *

 

Alec was attempting to read some of the Clave text’s Jace had given him, trying to research anything and everything they could about the Soul Sword but he couldn’t focus his mind on the words on the page. Instead he kept replaying his conversation with his mother when he’d returned from Magnus’s with the party invitation over and over his mind.

 

 

It had been almost as awful as he’d expected. As if he’d been blessed with the power of premonition Alec could have predicted the look of horror on her face when he handed her the invitation and she saw Magnus’s name underneath, the incredulity in her voice as she spoke, the dismissive way she referred to Magnus as his “friend”. Though expected her reaction and refusal to acknowledge who Magnus was, what he meant to Alec was no less infuriating. Alec knew everything had come as a shock to his parents and they had needed time to understand but they couldn’t go on ignoring this, ignoring the truth. Alec was gay, Magnus was his boyfriend, they were a couple and they would be for a long time. Or at least Alec hoped the last part was true.

 

What had been unexpected was that despite her initial disapproving response his mother had given in and agreed to attend much easier than Alec anticipated. He’d imagined much more yelling and judgemental remarks thrown between them, ending in all probability that she would flat out refuse to come at all. It had been his harsh comments about Jace and the façade of the Lightwood family itself which had caused Maryse to finally relent. Alec had been prepared to fight on, he had plenty more home truths to say but he saw the defeat, exhaustion and hurt in her eyes, the same emotions he heard in her voice when she snapped about his father. In truth it made Alec uncomfortable, he wasn’t used to seeing his mother like this, fragile, almost vulnerable.  

 

He’d done his best to push it from his mind for the rest of the afternoon, immersing himself in research but he couldn’t. Instead Alec now felt much more nervous about the party than he had before, something was wrong with his mother but he didn’t know what. Perhaps Magnus was right, this wasn’t a good idea after all, maybe it wasn’t too late to cancel. Reaching for his new phone he hit speed dial one.

 

Magnus answered on the second ring. ‘Alexander.’ He said curtly in a tone Alec wasn’t used to hearing. ‘Unless this is a life-threatening emergency I really don’t have the time. I am currently simultaneously taste testing over fifteen different canapés, trying to find a suitable place for the ice sculpture and waiting to hear back from four different orchestra’s, do you have any idea how difficult it is to find a semi-competent obo player at this short notice?’

 

‘I err…no I don’t think so.’ Alec really didn’t, that was not a problem he’d ever encountered. As he heard the stress in Magnus voice and all the effort he was putting into tonight he knew there was no way he could ask him to cancel now.

 

‘So as I said unless its life threatening and I mean really life threatening not one of biscuit’s everyday run ins with mortal danger…’ Magnus snapped and Alec couldn’t help but grin into the phone. ‘Not of course that I don’t love the sound of your voice but what do you want?’

 

‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Alec asked. ‘I could come over if…’

 

‘No Alexander, it’s probably best you don’t.’ Magnus said his voice softening slightly. ‘The mood I’m in right now if I saw you I’d portal us to Paris and lock you away in my chateau for a long weekend in bed drinking wine and eating macaroons.’

 

Suddenly all thoughts of the party, his mother and anything else in the world vanished from Alec’s head. ‘That…that uh, sounds like a good idea for next weekend…’ Alec said completely serious, his voice low and husky.

 

Magnus laughed, again delighted by Alec’s attempts at flirtation. He felt himself relax the more he spoke to Alec, his voice as always holding a soothing and reassuring power Magnus couldn’t explain.

 

‘It’s a date Shadowhunter.’ He said.

 

Alec paused for a moment, ‘So I spoke with my mother…she’s coming.’

 

Magnus felt the tension return to his body almost instantly. ‘Wonderful.’

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec began.

 

Magnus sighed, trying to hold his negative thoughts inside, knowing it wouldn’t help ‘No I mean it Alec, that’s the whole point of tonight isn’t it?’ he said honestly. ‘I mean obviously it’s a celebration for young Max but the point was to bring your mother here and lessen the palpable hatred and tension when we’re all in the same room…or continent.’ He added with a dark mutter, literally hearing Alec’s eye rolls on the end of the phone.

 

‘It’ll be fine Magnus, tonight will be fine.’ Alec said as strongly as he could, not sure who he was trying to reassure more.

 

Magnus sighed, ‘I hope you’re right Alexander.’ Though Magnus doubted he was. ‘Now whilst I have you, I wanted to run the theme by you, I tried to think of something that would help Maryse relax and perhaps even attempt some form of enjoyment. I myself favour more gregarious and obscene themes, we really should throw another party Alec, a 1920s speakeasy theme, imagine you dressed in a three-piece Al Capone pinstripe suit with a hat and…’ Magnus suddenly lost his train of thought.

 

‘Magnus!’ Alec cried snapping him back to the present. ‘The theme?’

 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I'm still pretty much dead following 2x10 and have been on a total Malec high and writing nothing but soft fluff ever since. Literally I have a million fic ideas buzzing around my head but I definitely want to finish this one first! Probably a few more chapters to take us up to 2x10! As the last chapter was pretty much fluff filler this is hopefully a little more thriller.
> 
> Your guys comments so far have been amazing. Its hard when you write something, you never know if people will like it so thank you so much. As always I'd love your thoughts on where the story is going. I'm trying to find a good balance of the angst and fluff and adding a bit of humour here and there where I can! I really want to try and bring the Simon/Jace relationship in because I LOVED their scenes lately so we shall see. But if nothing else there will always be Malec.

 

* * *

 

It was a little over two hours until the party and though Magnus had pulled off nothing short of a miracle managing to organise it in less than half a day he couldn’t shake the nagging feeling he’d forgotten something important. The apartment had been cleared of Magnus’s furniture and was decorated in tasteful reds and golds, nothing too brash but subtle nods to Spanish colours. The flamenco dancers and band had been confirmed and the chefs were already in the kitchen preparing the food, with a list of Magnus’s specific directions to follow on pain of a nasty hex should anything be less than perfect. Magnus had no worries regarding the bar, it was generously stocked (following Jace’s advice) and, after much begging and a hefty pay packet, Maia had agreed to sacrifice her rare night off from the Hunter’s Moon to help. She really did make the most delicious sangria, which Magnus anticipated he would need buckets of to get through the evening ahead.

 

Magnus went over and over his many checklists, determined to find whatever it was he’d missed, knowing surely it would be the one thing Maryse would notice and snidely comment on. However as he slowly drove himself insane he realised the infuriating feeling pestering his mind was in fact nerves. Magnus was nervous. It was an odd feeling, Magnus rarely got nervous and never over social engagements, his parties were such elegant and exclusive affairs, he’d not received a bad review in centuries. However tonight was a completely different event all together. The party would be fabulous, he knew that of course, even with less than twelve hours Magnus Bane could throw a better party than most could plan in twelve weeks but the fear of Maryse, of how she would react was something Magnus could not predict or control.

 

Not being in control was something Magnus did not like and made him very uncomfortable indeed, being an all-powerful Warlock he was not used to being at the judgement of others. Magnus hated feeling this way, hated that he let what Maryse or any of the Shadowhunter’s or anyone else, thought about him bother him so much. He never had before, before Alec. Life before Alexander Lightwood had been much simpler, except for his foolish agreement to help Jocelyn erase Clary’s memories (something at the time he knew he’d live to regret one day), Magnus had largely managed to stay out of the politics of the Shadoworld, away from the Clave’s rigid laws and judgemental rulings. And now here he was throwing a rune ceremony celebration for a child of one of the most powerful Shadowhunter families, attended by many high ranking Clave officials, as if it was something he did every week. Shadowhunter’s and Downworlder’s didn’t mix, not socially, not politically and certainly not romantically. It was the way it had always been. But that was before, before Alec.

 

 

Though Magnus knew life before Alec had been easier and uncomplicated (or as uncomplicated as life could be for the High Warlock of Brooklyn) he also knew with complete certainty life after Alec, _with_ Alec was better in every way possible. Magnus would take every whisper, every judgemental look, every distasteful comment about his reputation or relationship with Alec for a morning like today.  

 

That was why tonight had to go well, a public Shadowhunter event, the first, where Magnus and Alec would be together, had to be perfect. They didn’t talk about Alec’s wedding much, not really but the event had sent shockwaves through the Shadoworld and was still a hot topic in Idris when gossip in the Clave was running low. The first born Lightwood son being gay was damaging enough to the family reputation, but choosing a Downworlder, and one with Magnus’s reputation, was ruination from which they’d never recover. Magnus knew what they said about him, about them. _The disappointment, the shame his poor parents must feel._

 

Magnus didn’t care what they thought, ignorant and bigoted fools but Maryse was different. Though probably more bigoted than most her opinion mattered to Magnus, because it mattered so much to Alec. With everything Alec had struggled with over the past few months, coming out, losing Jace, Jocelyn’s death, Magnus knew the deepening rift in his family plagued his mind. Alec tried to hide it, pretend to Magnus he didn’t care what his parents, his mother, thought about their relationship Magnus knew how much it truly bothered him. Maryse’s refusal to acknowledge Magnus and accept their relationship was also her refusal to accept Alec, who he really was, who he’d always been. Magnus knew what it was to crave a mother’s acceptance and be rejected; he knew the pain of knowing that the person who was meant to love you unconditionally, who gave you life, despised your existence just for being what you were. Magnus would do anything to ease that pain for Alec, if he had to spend all night gritting his teeth and bearing Maryse Lightwood insults he would.

 

In truth Magnus’s desire to resolve the estrangement with Maryse was not entirely selfless. Though he truly did want to do this for Alec, he was also doing it in the interest of self-preservation. Knowing that family above all else was everything to Alec, should the rift with his parents continue Alec would never be able to find a balance between his family and his life with Magnus. One day he’d be forced to make a choice between them. Magnus didn’t want that to happen and of course he wouldn’t ask Alec to choose him, knowing how unfair that would be but Magnus couldn’t be certain, if that day came, what Alec would choose. Blood was blood after all.

 

Magnus needed a drink; it was unlikely to clear his mind but would settle his nerves. He headed towards the drinks cart, picking up the decanter of scotch when he heard the front door click open.

 

‘Finally.’ He mumbled putting the bottle back down. ‘Carlos, I’ve been waiting here desperately for you…’

 

Magnus turned to the door with his usual dramatic flair only to be completely surprised to find a shocked and slightly frowning Alec starting back at him, duffle bag clutched in one hand, suit garment bag swung over his shoulder.

 

‘Excuse me?’ Alec asked eyebrows raised.

 

‘Alexander.’ Was all Magnus answered his tone one of surprise and delight.

 

‘Carlos?’ Alec asked his frown deepening.

 

‘My olive guy.’ Magnus answered confused by Alec’s unusual sharp tone. ‘I wanted a particular order of _Arbequina_ olives for tonight.’

 

Alec visibly relaxed at his words, ‘Oh, ok.’

 

Magnus was even more confused, staring at the Shadowhunter slightly perplexed he had a completely unexpected but equally delightful thought. He couldn’t help but grin.

 

‘Alexander, did I detect a hint of jealousy for a moment?’ Magnus teased.

 

Alec rolled his eyes, dropping his bag and tossing his garment carrier on one of the party chairs.

 

‘No.’ he protested though Magnus could see the slightest red blush tinge his cheeks. Magnus opened his mouth to say something else, enjoying this far too much but Alec interrupted. ‘It’s just a little disconcerting walking through the door to the sound of your boyfriend calling desperately for another man’s olives.’

 

Magnus laughed, his heart skipping slightly as Alec referred to him as his boyfriend again and so easily. Alec shrugged his jacket off, tossing it aside as he walked to Magnus, hands circling his waist and kissed him softly. Magnus sighed into it, revelling in the light and relaxed closeness that was developing between them, feeling more natural each day.

 

‘You have an olive guy?’ Alec asked in bemusement raising his hand to silence Magnus before he could answer, knowing the question was pointless. ‘Of course you do.’

 

‘Not that I’m not pleased to see you of course. But what are you doing here?’ Magnus asked.

 

Alec gave a light shrug, ‘I thought I’d get ready here…with you. Is that ok?’

 

Magnus beamed at his words, such a small simple gesture but it spoke volumes.

 

‘Of course.’ Magnus replied before placing a quick kiss on Alec’s lips then tugging him by the hand and leading him to the bedroom, Alec grabbing his suit bag on the way.

 

Once in Magnus’s room they separated. Alec hung his suit on the outside of the wardrobe, it was a dark grey, simple and elegant. Absolutely perfect on Alec Magnus thought as he sauntered to his dresser, removing the many rings, bangles and necklaces he’d decided upon for today. His back to Alec as he told him the many stressful party planning stories of the day, Alec displaying his trademark stoic nature, making agreeing sounds when appropriate.

 

After finishing his final rant about the extortionate hourly rates of flamenco dancers Magnus turned back to Alec, unbuttoning his shirt as he spoke  hands freezing half way down as he found Alec standing in nothing but his underwear.

 

It felt as if all breath completely evaporated from Magnus’s chest, his body instantly filled with waves of lust and desire. All thoughts of the party were gone. Magnus wasn’t sure he’d ever quite get used to the sight of Alec’s body, he’d always enjoyed looking at it, however now he knew how it felt to touch it, how the solid feel of it pressed Magnus’s own into the bed, how it tasted between his lips and tongue, how it felt coming undone beneath him, Magnus was certain he’d never get enough. Magnus wanted Alec, he always wanted him and knew he always would, he also knew _now_ was not the ideal time.

 

‘No. This won’t do.’ Magnus said firmly.

 

‘Huh?’ Alec said looking up with a questioning look as he folded his t-shirt.

 

‘No.’ Magnus repeated as he reached for one of his many robes draped over his antique room divider and tossed it on the bed in front of Alec. ‘Put that on before my willpower disappears completely.’

 

Alec looked down at the bright blue silk material and rolled his eyes. ‘Magnus…’

 

‘I mean it Alexander, I have too much to worry about tonight. My brain is busy running over the performance timings, will there be enough _Montaditos,_ are the tiki-torches far way enough from the ice sculpture…’ Magnus ranted, voice serious and stressed, so very unlike Magnus like that Alec couldn’t help but grin. ‘But with you standing there, like _that_ all I can now think about is throwing you down on that bed.’

 

Alec tossed his t-shirt down, grin widening as he raised an eyebrow. He moved slowly around the bed towards Magnus. ‘Well…

 

Magnus raised his hand as if Alec were a misbehaving puppy. ‘No.’

 

Alec paused where he was, face falling in disappointment, the smallest pout forming on his lips which only made Magnus want him more. _God help me those lips,_ Magnus thought. He pushed the dark thoughts forming from his mind.

 

‘Tonight has to go well Alec, remember the whole point is to try and get your mother to accept me, us.’ Magnus said, still not convinced they were going to succeed in that endeavour. ‘I’m certain that her walking in on the High Warlock of Brooklyn having his wicked way with her first born son isn’t going to help our case.’

 

‘Wicked way?’ Alec said unable to hold in a laugh though Magnus’s face was entirely serious. Alec sighed and held up his hands in defeat, moving back around the bed. ‘Fine, fine. I’m not putting _that_ on though.’ He said nodding towards the bright robe.

 

Magnus rolled his eyes, ‘I’m going to shower. And you…’ he said pointing accusatorily at Alec’s near nakedness. ‘best be in a more appropriate state of dress when I get back.’

 

Magnus moved elegantly passed Alec towards the bathroom, being sure to steer clear of getting too close to him knowing he’d struggled to resist the urge to reach out and touch him. _That Shadowhunter will be the death of me,_ Magnus thought darkly he closed the door behind him, though a smile was firmly fixed upon his face.

 

* * *

 

Magnus shrugged his clothes off quickly and stepped under the shower spray, turning the water up so it was near scalding. Magnus needed the near-painful burn on his skin to focus his mind on something else, anything else than the indecent thoughts currently consuming it, all to do with the glorious almost-naked body in the other room.

 

Magnus was already half-hard, it was ridiculous how turned on and desperate he got from simply _looking_ at Alec. He ran a soapy hand down his chest, tracing the lean muscles remembering where Alec’s lips had been the night before, the images playing over and over in his mind. Magnus knew no matter what he tried he wouldn’t be able to push the thoughts of Alec out, he’d never not want him. It was no good, if Magnus went back out there wound up like this and saw Alec’s god-like body again they’d never make it to the party. Magnus lent his head against the cool tiled wall, hand travelling lower a low groan coming from his mouth as he gave in and wrapped his hand around his cock and began to stroke lazily. Magnus hadn’t done this in a long time, he hadn’t needed to, there had been no shortage of sexual partners eager to fulfil his needs but he’d never desired them, not really. Never lay in bed night after night, picturing them, fantasizing about them, he barely remembered their faces but Alec was different. Magnus had wanted him since the first moment he saw him and every day he wanted him more and more. Alec consumed his thoughts, his heart, his body. Magnus wanted all of him and after last night he knew he’d never stop.

Magnus hunched over slightly, hands moving faster as he remembered the feel of Alec’s body underneath his hands, his solid muscles, smooth rune-covered skin, the sounds he’d made as Magnus brought him to the edge. He remembered the feel of Alec’s dick, strong and powerful like the man, how it felt in Magnus’s hand, the taste of him on his tongue. Magnus’s hands moved harder and faster as he imagined how it would feel inside him, Alec’s huge hands gripping Magnus’s narrow hips as the Shadowhunter took the Warlock completely. Magnus groaned at the image in his mind, until now not realising how desperately he wanted that, needed that.

 

He braced one hand on the wall, the other moving faster over his throbbing dick, he was so close already, the idea of Alec inside him was enough to push him over the edge. He felt his release building, his mind hazy and lost in the feel of his hand, the burn of the water and memories and fantasies of Alec blurring in his mind he was completely taken aback when he felt a much larger hand wrap around his own. Magnus spun around to see Alec under the hot spray, water dripping down his flattened dark hair, falling through the soft curls at his chest, trailing down his solid stomach.

 

The Shadowhunter was staring at Magnus hungrily, Magnus was half-dazed but sure he saw Alec actually lick his lips before he flung himself forwards kissing Magnus desperately, tongue forcing its way into the Warlocks mouth pinning him against the shower wall. Magnus was still slightly awestruck, wondering if the stress and exhaustion of the past week had pushed his mind over the edge, his fantasies now becoming hallucinations. However the hard feel of Alec’s body against his, grinding him into the wall felt all too real. Magnus couldn’t help but moan against Alec’s lips, seeing Alec like this was still so new it felt surreal, he’d wondered before last night if they’d ever have moments like this.

 

Magnus broke their lips, ragged breaths drowning out the sound of running water.

 

‘Alexander, we…the party…’ Magnus stammered, usually he wasn’t the one lost for words but he was struggling to think let alone speak. ‘…your mother will be here soon.’ He said, half-hoping despite himself, the mention of Maryse might throw a little cold water on this.

 

Alec pulled back, dark eyes staring down at Magnus. ‘She’s not here now.’

 

 _Excellent point,_ the beast inside Magnus roared as Alec’s hands moved down his side and hips. Magnus knew there was no use in fighting anymore, he hadn’t really wanted to in the first place but led by some sense of moral righteousness felt like he should have at least tried to resist for a moment. Today had been a hard day and there was every chance tonight was going to be a total disaster, Magnus would let himself have now, both he and Alec needed it.

 

Magnus leaned up and kissed Alec in his answer, pressing their wet bodies together pushing his away from the tiles. No further words were needed, Alec’s hands had already replaced Magnus’s own on him as he moved his to Alec’s already stiff dick, feeling it harden in his palm. Alec gasped, eyes closing as Magnus wrapped his hand around him, resting his forehead against Magnus’s as he began to slowly stroke him, picking up where the Warlocks hands had left off.

 

‘Look at me Alexander.’ Magnus said. ‘I want to watch you.’

 

Alec opened his eyes, almost gasping at the mention of his name. He bit hard into his lip to stop his moans as Magnus’s hands worked him, moving up and down firmly, thumb running over Alec’s throbbing head.

 

Their movements weren’t elegant or skillful, to look at them you wouldn’t have known who was the supposed experienced lothario and who the innocent virgin. They were frantic, working each other furiously, bodies shaking and pulsing as the others hands desperately stroked and rubbed the other. 

They increased their pace together and soon found a rhythm of their own, bucking against one another, moving in an almost instinctual synchronicity, as though their bodies were always meant to move this way together. Magnus, already on the edge when Alec found him, could barely hold on, he needed to let go and the feel of Alec in his hands once more was almost too much. His fantasy of having Alec inside him emboldened him, keeping one hand around Alec’s dick Magnus dragged the other across his hips tracing his perfectly round ass fingers moving down between his cheeks.

 

The soft sounds, moans and gasps Alec had been making before morphed into rough, ragged grunts at Magnus’s movements. He sucked in a sharp breath as he felt Magnus’s fingers circulating at his entrance, brushing over it, almost teasing. Magnus looked at Alec the unspoken question clear on his face.

 

‘Magnus…please.’ Fell from his lips an almost desperate plea as Alec buried his face in the crook of Magnus’s neck.

 

Magnus slowly slid one finger inside, pumping in and out slowly a few times before sliding in another. Alec growled against his neck, licking and sucking. Alec wanted to scream, cry out, Magnus’s fingers inside him felt strange and wonderful at the same time, it was a completely new sensation Alec didn’t know what to feel. He only knew he didn’t want Magnus to stop. Magnus’s continued his movements on Alec’s dick and ass, expertly bringing the Shadowhunter to a new realm of pleasure. Alec’s own hands still working Magnus’s hard cock but even more frantically than before until both men were writhing desperately against one another.

 

Magnus fingers moved slowly in Alec, stretching him until he found the right spot, pressing his fingers firmer against it causing Alec to roar in pleasure, body shattering into a million pieces spurting out over Magnus’s hand, bringing the Warlock over the edge with him. Magnus hissed Alec’s name through gritted teeth as they fell against each other. Alec kissed Magnus’s neck softly, lips dancing along his jaw and face, finally resting their foreheads together both still panting and shuddering riding the aftershocks of their release.

 

‘So…’ Alec said through ragged breath.

 

‘So indeed…thank you for ignoring me completely Shadowhunter.’ Magnus responded.

 

Alec tossed his head back with a laugh and reached for the soap. ‘I guess we should actually get cleaned up.’

 

They washed one another in a comfortable sort of silence that only comes from true intimacy. Despite the amazingly pleasurable moment they had just shared Magnus found the feel of Alec washing his body, touching and caressing him so softly, tenderly even more incredible. Magnus stood with his back to Alec, eyes closed, basking in the feel of the Shadowhunter’s hands running through his hair as he rubbed in the shampoo.

 

‘Magnus,’ Alec said, breaking the quiet. ‘Can I ask you something?’

 

‘Hmmm, of course Alexander.’ Magnus said.

 

‘About…about sex.’ Alec added.

 

Magnus turned around, Alec looked very nervous. Magnus nodded for him to continue.

 

‘I…uh…I do want…want to, I _really_ want to…’ he mumbled unable to stop the blush appearing at his cheeks. Magnus smiled. ‘But I’ve never so…I don’t know what, how I’d…if I’d like…’

 

His words fell out a babbling mess but Magnus understood completely. In his typical tongue-tied Alec way he wanted to talk about positions, about being a top or bottom. It made complete sense that this would be something Alec would be thinking about, especially after what they just did.

 

‘I understand Alec, there’s no right way.’ Magnus said. ‘It’s different for everybody, some people only like sex a certain way, others enjoy both, some find it different with different partners. It’s about what feels good for you. What we just did, did it feel good?’

 

Alec’s blush turned even redder and he nodded quickly mumbling a yes.

 

‘Do you…’ Alec said. ‘Do you like a certain…way?’ he couldn’t quite find the courage to say exactly what he was asking.

 

‘I enjoy both.’ Magnus said honestly with a reassuring smile, edging closer to Alec. ‘For me, positions, age, gender, none of it really matters. It’s about the person I’m with, that’s what makes it good. And this, us, Alexander is very good.’

 

Alec smiled at his words, nodding.

 

‘We don’t have to do anything that you’re not comfortable with Alec, I don’t expect you to…’ Magnus began.

 

‘I know.’ Alec said with certainty. ‘I just don’t know what I’m comfortable with.’

 

‘We’ll learn together.’ Magnus repeated, Alec’s smile grew loving when Magnus said that word. ‘You seem to have enjoyed the learning so far, I know I certainly have Shadowhunter.’ He said before playfully squeezing Alec’s ass.

 

Alec laughed, ‘Magnus!’ Alec said with a laugh before kissing Magnus softly.

 

There was a loud thump on the bathroom door causing Alec to physically jump back from Magnus.

 

‘Magnus you in there?’ Jace’s voice called from the other side.

 

‘Yes.’ Magnus yelled back, slightly panicked. ‘What is it?’

 

Magnus prayed it wasn’t another Clary emergency, though that would be a totally acceptable excuse to cancel the party. Then a different, more terrifying thought crept into his mind, Jace’s comments this morning about being able to feel Alec’s emotions through the parabatai bond and prayed to all the gods he’d hadn’t had a sudden rush of Alec’s emotions.

 

‘I need to borrow a jacket for tonight…’ Jace answered.

 

Magnus rolled his eyes and relaxed a little. He looked to Alec who remained frozen where he was in complete horror, terrified any movement might give him away.

 

‘…and I know you said never again after I got mustard on your fancy jeans but…’

 

Magnus glared through the door, ‘Those _fancy_ jeans are $850 a pair and were not designed for scruffy little Shadowhunter’s to wear to demon raids and taking Seelie bimbos out for hotdogs.’

 

‘Whatever. I said I was sorry!’ Jace whined. ‘Look please can I borrow something, I didn’t exactly pack my formal wear when Aldertree kicked me out and I promise no condiments will be used for the duration of the party.’

 

‘Fine, fine.’ Magnus snapped. ‘Take whatever you want, just go away.’

 

‘Jeez thanks.’ Jace muttered. ‘Hey have you seen Alec?’

 

‘Alec?’ Magnus croaked.

 

‘Yeah, I saw his jacket in the hall and suit in your room. Is he around?’ Jace asked, his tone giving nothing away.

 

‘Yes.’ Magnus responded causing Alec’s eyes to go wide in horror. ‘Alexander was here earlier, then he left, he forgot something at the Institute.’

 

‘Yeah my dignity.’ Alec mumbled to himself causing Magnus to roll his eyes.

 

‘But his shoes and pants are still out there I don’t…’ Jace’s voice suddenly trailed off.

 

The combination of Magnus’s terrible story, the evidence and what Magnus imagined was waves of Alec’s embarrassment flooding the parabatai bond Jace suddenly realised the awkward scenario in which he found himself.  

 

‘Oh.’ He said quietly. ‘Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh god, sorry! I’ll just go, get the jacket and…go. Leave you guys to…’

 

‘Go away Jace!’ Magnus yelled. The hurried sounds of Jace’s fleeing footsteps quietened until they could no longer be heard. Magnus turned to a mortified Alec, ‘Still think the party is a good idea?’


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! So firstly I'm really sorry for the delay in updating this story, I went on vacation for a couple of weeks and then when I got back I had THE worst case of writer's block. I knew what I wanted to right, how I wanted the next few chapters to play out but it just wouldn't come out and then this week Matthew Daddario takeover and BOOM I started writing again. The power of Malec love for sure.
> 
> To make up for the wait this is an extra long chapter. It was definitely a tricky one dealing with the suicide attempt and I struggled a little with it, trying to get across both points of what happened. A lot of the comments said they would like to see this addressed more so hope this is somewhere along the lines of what people wanted. I also think more needed to be made of Jocelyn's death and how it affected Alec. It's definitely a more internal reflective view of the suicide attempt. I also wanted to include Jace because I think the show kinda glossed over his reaction to what happened with Alec, I mean parabatais are meant to have this insane connected bond and I think that could have done with a little more exploration on the show. Promise the next chapter is all Malec.
> 
> Anyway I hope there are still some people out there enjoying this story and want some more. I promised I've not abandoned it and will be much better at updating it now I've hopefully got my writing mojo back - thanks again Matt :)
> 
> as always would love your thoughts - your comments have all been amazing.

 

* * *

 

The party had been a complete and resounding success Magnus thought as he waved his hand flippantly, the last of the party decorations disappearing before his eyes as the loft returned to its usual state. Unless of course you count the shape-shifting Warlock infiltration, unleashing the worst deep-seated fears in the party guests as a ruse to steal one of Magnus’s most powerful spell books. A spell book which was now in the hands of Valentine, preparing to unleash god knows what hell onto the world. Then of course there had been Maryse, though not outwardly or explicitly rude, her displeasure at the event had been evident enough throughout the party. At least Magnus had gotten a bottle of vodka out of it.

 

And then there had been Alec, what almost happened to him, what _he_ almost did tonight...Magus couldn’t get it out of his head. He could still hear Clary’s pained cry piercing his ears, the image of Alec’s beautiful body falling off the ledge burned into his eyes. Three seconds, three seconds was all that Magnus had once he’d pushed the roof door open to find Alec disappearing over the ledge. A fear unlike Magnus had ever known gripped his entire body, instinctive took over with a swish of his hand and stopped Alec mid-air, bringing his sedated body back to the safety of the terrace. If Magnus had been a millisecond later it would have been too late, Alec would be…

 

Magnus closed his eyes, a physical pain running through him, unable to even bear the possibility of the thought, of a world without Alec, when he felt a strong hand rest on his shoulder.

 

‘Hey.’ Alec said softly.

 

Magnus turned instantly at the feel of his hand and sound of his voice, Alec was staring at him with a nervous look, his hands sliding down Magnus’s arm. Magnus wanted to throw his arms around Alec, pull the Shadowhunter’s body close to his and never let go, he wanted to touch him, feel him to know he was really here but he didn’t. Despite the recent private developments in their relationship Magnus knew Alec still struggled with public displays of affection and he felt the burning eyes of Clary, Jace, Izzy and Simon across the room upon them.

 

‘Hey.’ Magnus responded.

 

‘Magnus…I’m so sorry I’ve gotta take off. I wish I didn’t have to go…’ Alec said softly, his hand hidden from the view of the others slipping into Magnus’s. ‘but with everything that’s happened tonight my mom wants to do the rune ceremony now before she goes back to Idris.’

 

‘I understand.’ Magnus responded giving Alec’s hand a reassuring squeeze. ‘Go be with your family Alexander.’

 

Alec sighed, ‘I wish you could be there. You _should_ be there.’ He said anger in his voice. ‘Ridiculous archaic Clave rules…’

 

Magnus sighed. ‘Plus there’s still Aldertree’s veto on unauthorised Downworlder’s in the Institute…’

 

‘Aldertree’s an ass.’ Alec muttered tugging Magnus hand, pulling him closer, his voice lower this time. ‘Thank you for tonight Magnus, the party was great, really, until…’

 

‘It wasn’t.’ Magnus added.

 

Alec smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, his hands gripped Magnus tighter, ‘I mean it Magnus. Thank you for tonight…for _everything._ ’

 

Magnus heard the meaning in his words and though he knew Alec had to go but Magnus couldn’t leave it like this.

 

‘Alexander, about what happened tonight…’ he breathed softly.

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec interrupted.

 

‘We need to talk about it Alec.’ Magnus said.

 

‘Magnus, I’m ok.’ Alec insisted.

 

 _No you’re not and neither am I,_ Magnus thought but he knew better than to push Alec now, besides he was beyond exhausted.

 

‘Alexander…’ his voice weary.

 

Sensing the pain in his boyfriend Alec pulled him closer and kissed him, hard on the mouth, as if trying to silence any further questions. From the corner of his eye Magnus saw the others turn their heads, looking anywhere but the clearly intimate moment happening between the two.

 

Their lips broke apart, Magnus breath all but gone from his body, Alec rested his forehead against the Warlocks.

 

‘Magnus I’m ok, really…’ Alec breathed. ‘I promise.’

 

Magnus knew it was a lie but before he had a chance to respond Alec kissed him again, softer this time and Magnus knew it was a kiss goodbye. He felt Alec’s hands untangle from his own as the Shadowhunter moved away to join the others. It took all of Magnus’s strength not to reach out and drag Alec back to him. Magnus watched in silence as Alec disappeared with the others, the heavy sound of the loft door echoing as it closed behind him, he stood in silence for a moment, unsure what to do next. Finally completely, exhausted from the night’s events, he collapsed upon the recently reappeared couch.

 

 _God he needed a drink, badly_ , he thought, _where had he left that vodka_ …

 

 

* * *

 

With the exception of the occasional babbling comment from Simon, they’d driven back to the Institute in silence, everyone still reeling from the night’s events. Alec sat in the back of the vampire’s hideous van, tucked away in the corner wanting to be as far apart from the others as he could. Hiding in the dark he could almost pretend he didn’t see the looks of pity in their eyes every time they glanced uncomfortably at him.

 

Not that it mattered, they’d all been up on that roof, they knew what happened, there was no point pretending otherwise. Alec wished he was anywhere else, somewhere he could be alone, away from their questioning looks and sympathetic stares. As the van rattled through the New York night Alec realised that in fact wasn’t true, he didn’t wish he was _anywhere_ else he wished he was _somewhere_ very specific. He wasn’t lying earlier when he told Magnus he wished he could have stayed with him. Things had moved very quickly between them recently and Alec knew there was still more to figure out but if there was one thing he was certain of, no matter what terrible thing had happened or pain he felt when he was with Magnus, if even just for a moment, he always found some semblance of peace. After everything that had happened tonight all Alec wanted, needed, was the comforting feel of Magnus’s arms around him.

 

Alec remembered Magnus’s words from the other night, _I want to be with you Alexander…be around you, take care of you…I want to keep you safe, protect you from anything that might cause you harm…including me._ Alec knew with every part of his being those words were true.

 

Alec was broken from his thoughts by a tap on his arm, he turned to see Jace staring at him questioningly.

 

‘What?’ he asked lowly, eyes darting to the others in the front seat.

 

Jace shuffled closer to him, ‘You ok man?’

 

Alec shrugged, ‘I’m fine.’ His words curt and short, clear to his parabatai he did not want to talk, especially now.

 

Jace gave a slow nod, understanding instantly. ‘Look I get it, but Clary told me…about the spell, what you thought she was saying to you about her…about Jocelyn…’ Jace corrected himself, still unable to refer to Jocelyn as his mother.

 

Alec’s eyes shot to the redhead sitting in the front seat between Izzy and the driving vampire, heart thundering in his chest. ‘Jace…’

 

‘I get it you don’t wanna talk but I need to say something.’ Jace’s voice now more of a whisper, barely audible against the racket of the ancient van’s engine. ‘I’m sorry Alec.’

 

‘What for?’ Alec asked slowly, completely confused.

 

‘For not being there.’ Jace said his voice twisted in pain. ‘I’m your parabatai, I should have felt it…felt something tonight before you…’ Jace’s voice trailed off as if unable to say the words. ‘but I didn’t…if Magnus hadn’t of…’

 

Alec said nothing for a moment, ‘It was a spell Jace, we were all messed up. But it’s over now, I’m fine.’

 

Jace stared off into the dark not looking at his brother. ‘No you’re not.’

 

Alec sighed, ‘Look we’re almost back at the Institute…’ he said, realising himself he never referred to it as home any more. ‘Tonight is about Max, can we drop this, please?’

 

Jace’s face fell, eyes cast down to the floor. Alec felt terrible, he knew Jace was in pain after everything that had happened tonight, the fight with Maryse, the things she had said, how Max had behaved. Alec could feel the emotions vibrating off his parabatai, hurt, loneliness, longing, guilt, shame. This wasn’t the first time Jace had tried to reach out to Alec, he remembered how Jace came to him after Jocelyn’s death but Alec had shut him out then too, he’d been too ashamed to face him, to be comforted by him when Alec had ripped away the mother he’d only just discovered. He knew Jace didn’t blame him, knew he felt no anger to him at all and that only made it all the worse. So Alec had run away from him, run to the only place he now felt truly safe, Magnus.

 

So much had shifted in the past few months; Alec barely felt like he knew where to find solid ground anymore. For so long, Alec had been used to how things had always been, just him, Jace and Izzy. For over a decade it’d been that way. They knew each other inside out, had each other’s backs no matter what and never questioned each other. But with all that had happened in the past few months, since Clary showed up and the Mortal Instruments had been taken by Valentine, everything changed and Alec knew they couldn’t go back. He and Jace were still parabatai, Jace was still a part of him and that would never change but at the same time they felt further apart than ever. Not because they wanted to be but each day life seemed to be pulling them in different directions.

 

After all that happened with Valentine, Jace seemed to be retreating more into himself, isolating himself from the others, determined to prove he wasn’t what Aldertree and the Clave accused him of being, a traitor. Where Alec was, for the first time, taking time outside of his Shadowhunter duties, time to build a life for himself, to have something, someone, that was only his. Both Shadowhunter’s had struggled find a way to make their new lives fit together. Even with Izzy Alec knew there was some distance that hadn’t been there before, neither intended it or wanted it but it was there.

 

It had been happening slowly over the past few months, ever since, though despite his previous protests Alec didn’t blame her. Clary was the spark of all this but it wasn’t her fault, he knew that now. But after the demon attack at the Institute, when Alec was possessed, when he killed Jocelyn everything felt like it fell apart. Unable to face the shame and guilt he felt he’d withdrawn even further from his family seeking solace in another. Alec turned to Magnus more and more for support, for guidance, for comfort, knowing there was no place safer for him.

 

The van came to a sudden jolted stop as they arrived back at the Institute. Jace turned to Alec.

 

‘Fine Alec but I’m here, if you wanna talk…’ he said sliding the rusty door open. ‘I’m always here.’

 

Jace jumped out the van without another word, following Clary and Izzy up the steps, Alec watched them, knowing he should follow. Alec wanted so badly to find his way back to them, for things to go back to how they were before but he also knew it wasn’t possible. You can never go back, Alec just hoped he could find a way to move forward.

 

* * *

 

Magnus reached for the bottle and refilled his glass with the clear liquid, sloshing against the ice he’d magicked into the tumbler. He had to hand it to Maryse Lightwood, she might have been a snide ignorant fool but she had excellent taste when it came to vodka selection. Two-thirds of the bottle down, mind a little blurry Magnus was half considering writing her a personal thank-you fire message. Magnus almost giggled imagining the look on her face as he took another long swig, vodka spilling over the edge as he set the glass back down, spilling over a sixteenth century codex he’d been attempting to read for the past hour.

 

‘Crap.’ He mumbled, wiping the page with his hand. ‘Sorry old friend...you always did hate me borrowing your books.’ Magnus said raising his glass to the empty chair beside him.

 

Despite his increasingly vodka-blurred haze Magnus could see Ragnor sat there as clear as day, wicked grin and grumpy frown beneath his horns, extravagant silk cravat and floor length coat fanned across the chaise. To distract himself from the horrific thoughts and fears running through his head after tonight’s events Magnus had tried, along with the vodka, to do some research into a way to locate his spellbook or Madzie or Valentine, anything that would keep his mind occupied. After pursuing a few of his less than helpful volumes he’d remembered a book on blood-oaths he’d “borrowed” from Ragnor sixty or so years before.

 

Magnus missed his friend so much, more and more lately with all that had happened. Despite his eccentricities and peculiar ways over the decades Ragnor had been there for Magnus in his times of need, been his confidant and voice of reason, saw the best in the Warlock when he could not see it himself. Amongst his many magical gifts Ragnor Fell seemed to have the uncanny ability to know exactly what Magnus was thinking or feeling and more importantly, tell him exactly what he needed to hear, especially when he didn’t want to hear it.

 

Magnus wished so badly that Ragnor was here with him now; he needed his wise advice more than ever. He remembered Ragnor’s words from before Alec’s wedding.  

 

_Someday, someone will come along who will tear down those walls you’ve built around your heart. And when that love comes back to you, you must do everything in your power to fight for it._

Whether it had been a ghost or memory or figment of Magnus’s imagination that night, those words were exactly what Ragnor would have said had he’d really been there. Magnus thought about that night often, Alec’s wedding. He’d found himself thinking of it more and more lately as things with Alec had moved forward. In his heart Magnus knew he was always going to go to the wedding, no matter what he’d said or pretended about playing his last hand he knew he wouldn’t be able to stay away. He had to get his final answer one or way or another despite the pain it might have caused him. If Alec had gone through with it, married Lydia, Magnus would have been able to let him go, knowing in his heart the Shadowhunter was lost to him forever. Had Alec found the courage to call the wedding off, Magnus hoped, in his idealist heart, it meant there might be something there, something real.

 

That was why Ragnor’s words, real or imagined, had struck a chord with him so. Ever since Alec Lightwood had come into his life, Magnus’s world had been turned upside down. Magnus had felt the spark between them from the first time they met, he knew Alec was fighting it, fighting himself but Magnus had to try, he’d hadn’t felt this way in so long. Magnus had always thought of himself as a romantic but perhaps he was a masochist.

 

That was why Magnus needed his friend now so badly, he needed his guidance. He and Alec had come so far since the wedding, they were finally in a good place, being open and honest, moving forward together but tonight that had come so close to being cruelly ripped apart.

 

Every time Magnus closed his eyes all he saw was Alec’s shaking form up on that ledge, giving up, letting go…each time his mind played it back, the image of Alec’s body falling backwards Magnus felt a physical gut wrenching twist inside.

 

Magnus knew Iris’s spell had done the most part, twisting and corrupting their worst fears but he also knew the devastating truth, magic, as powerful and overwhelming as it may be, didn’t create the fears themselves it only brought them out. The fears existed in each and every one of them, Jace’s fear of rejection and abandonment, Clary’s jealously and insecurities, Alec’s guilt and hopelessness, they were all there buried inside before tonight.

 

Magnus heard Ragnor’s words over and over, _when that love comes back to you, you must do everything in your power to fight for it._ Magnus had been so worried about losing Alec, about protecting him from any and all pain, he hadn’t realised he should have been concerned about protecting Alec from himself. He knew Alec had struggled for so long, denying who he truly was, Magnus remembered the Shadowhunter’s confession from a few nights before, _I was…there was nothing. It was like I was sleepwalking through life, doing what I thought I should, what was expected of me, my duty but inside I felt…trapped, like I was slowly drowning. I couldn’t breathe and every day it felt worse._ Magnus’s heart had ached when Alec had first spoken them but after tonight Magnus felt sick at the thought of what they might truly mean.

 

 

Magnus knew the magic had played a part tonight, leading Alec to the roof but it was very likely those thoughts were in his head already. Magnus hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all night. Had Alec considered taking his own life before? Had he tried before? Would he again? Magnus tried to push the thought from his mind, it was too much, he could not, would not let himself contemplate a world without Alec.

 

Magnus himself knew what it was to face that self-struggle, the self-doubt, loathing and hatred that came from denying who you were for so long, burying it deep inside that it could only manifest itself with the most dire of consequences. Magnus remembered the despair and torment that had driven him to Blackfriars Bridge that night long ago, the utter hopelessness he felt, that there really was nothing left in this world for him to cling on to, to consider fighting for, living for. The thought of Alec going through that, feeling that way was too much for Magnus to bear.

 

They hadn’t spoken much about Jocelyn’s death, not since the funeral. Alec hadn’t wanted to and Magnus hadn’t pushed him, though he knew the Shadowhunter needed to talk about it, burying the pain and guilt inside wouldn’t work forever but Magnus had never thought it would come to this. The weight of Jocelyn’s death was a heaviness Alec carried with him every day and though he tried to hide it Magnus knew. Usually solitary and closed-off Alec had always been close to his siblings, Magnus had known that from the day he met them but lately, for many reasons beyond their control, a distance had grown between them, one they all struggled to bridge and find their way back to one another. Magnus knew Jace’s struggle with the truth of his parentage and manipulation by Valentine had caused the once cocky Shadowhunter to retreat into himself and there was something going on with Isabelle causing her to withdraw from the others, though Magnus did not yet know the reasons why.

 

Alec’s guilt at Jocelyn’s death was something he could not share with them, not seek comfort or forgiveness for they could not understand the pain he felt. As Shadowhunter’s, warriors, they had all taken a life before, many times, but those had been demons or rogue Downworlder’s who’d broken the Accords. Those deaths had been justified, punishments for crimes against the laws they swore to uphold. They did not know what it was like to take an innocent life, the life of someone you knew, someone who was loved by those closest to you, to look into the eyes of the heartbroken ones left behind, knowing you were the reason that life was gone. Though Alec had been possessed, his actions not his own, nothing could change what was done, what he did and unlike his siblings Magnus knew that pain all too well.

 

Magnus wanted to call Alec, he needed to hear his voice, selfishly let his worry and fear be soothed by the Shadowhunter’s low lull. He reached for his phone but stopped himself, remembering why Alec had left in the first place. They’d most likely be half-way through Max’s rune ceremony now and the last thing Maryse Lightwood would appreciate was a drunken call from Alec’s Warlock _friend_ spoiling the family celebration. He tossed the phone aside and reached once more for the vodka.

 

‘One more for the road you old bugger?’ he said raising his glass once more to the empty chair beside him, though completely alone in the dark of his loft, Magnus heard Ragnor’s exasperated imaginary reply.

 

_Oh for god’s sake man sober up and pull yourself together. You’ll never be able to save the boy in that state._

 

* * *

 

 

Silently Alec followed his mother through the quiet corridors of the near-deserted Institute, Maryse’s revelation about his father was playing over and over in his mind, Robert was having an affair, he had betrayed his marriage and his family, he had betrayed Maryse again. Alec wanted to say something, anything to comfort her but he couldn’t quite find the words, he didn’t know what more there was to say.

 

He’d asked her not to go back to Idris, to stay here with them but he knew she wouldn’t, even if she had wanted to. No matter what Maryse Lightwood was a Shadowhunter first and nothing, not even her own pain and need for comfort would come before her duty.

 

Alec remembered how fragile she felt in his arms as she cried, finally letting the heartbreak and betrayal out, so unlike the Maryse Lightwood she displayed to the world. Maryse was usually so strong and stoic, appearing cold to some, Alec himself included. Alec now knew it was a mask, an armour she wore to protect her insecurities and fragile heart, not unlike Alec himself. Tonight for the first time Alec realised, despite what he might wish, that he and his mother were more alike than he thought and for the first time in a long time he felt close to her.

 

However the flash of vulnerability Maryse had shared with her sons was long gone as they entered the control room to where the portal to Idris was to be activated. Dressed once again in her Shadowhunter black and Ice Queen glare fixed in place as she barked orders at the terrified Shadowhunters around them. She had however allowed Alec to carry her bags, a small gesture he supposed but it was her small way of allowing him to help her.

 

‘…and I want that Iron Sisters inventory report on my desk in Idris by the time I’ve unpacked.’ She barked at a dumbfounded looking Raj.

 

‘But how will I know when you’ve…’ Raj stammered.

 

Alec rolled his eyes as he dropped Maryse’s bags marvelling at Raj’s continued idiocy. He looked up to see a mirrored infuriated expression on his mother’s face.

 

‘I didn’t actually mean…’ Maryse snapped raising her hand to pinch the bridge of her nose in exasperation. ‘Just do the report as matter of urgency Raj, you’re not exactly known for your quick work.’

 

Raj grinned like an idiot. ‘Something the ladies appreciate I can tell you.’ He began as usual speaking without thinking. ‘Not that those two hot waitresses got the find out thanks to Magnus’s party catastrophe ruining my game tonight.’

 

Maryse said nothing but glared at Raj with such terrifying fury the Shadowhunter physically stepped back from her.

 

‘I’ll write it…right now, right now. I promise.’ He stammered.

 

‘That sounds like an excellent idea. Why don’t you write it far, far away from here.’ Alec said dismissively shoving Raj out the door for the second time that night. He turned back to Maryse who was wearing a similarly exasperated expression.

 

‘Each time he speaks I’m more convinced Raj would benefit from a posting in another Institute…Antarctica perhaps.’ She said in a furious tone Alec couldn’t help but grin.

 

Maryse’s tight glare fell instantly as she turned to her son. ‘Alec, I wanted to say something to you before I go…’ She paused and cleared her throat, Alec wasn’t sure what she was going to say next. ‘Thank you Alexander, for tonight…with everything that happened I don’t think I actually thanked you for the party, for all you did for Max, it was wonderful really.’

 

Alec nodded and repeated the words he’d uttered to his mother earlier that day. ‘Thank Magnus.’ He said though this time with no anger or bitterness. ‘He did everything.’

 

‘Indeed.’ Maryse said nodding, her face fell serious once more and Alec braced himself for a typical-Maryse disapproval comment. ‘It appears the party is not all I have to thank him for tonight.’

 

Alec heard her serious Maryse Lightwood, Head of the New York Institute tone and knew was she was referring to, Iris spell.

 

‘Mother…’ he began but Maryse cut him off.

 

‘If Magnus hadn’t gotten there in time tonight Alec…I…I don’t know…’ her voice cracked slightly. ‘Alec if anything happened to you…you’re my first…my Alexander…’

 

Alec didn’t know what to do, he was not used to seeing his mother like this but understood it must have been terrible for her to see him up on that ledge tonight.

 

He reached out and took her hand, ‘Mom, I’m ok…really. It was just a spell, I’m fine.’

 

It was a lie and they both knew it but Maryse did not push it further, Lightwoods did not push for deep meaningful conversations. He and his mother really were more alike than Alec realised. Instead Maryse gave a reassuring squeeze of Alec’s hand in response, clearing her throat before any teas fell realising once more where they were.

 

‘Perhaps, when I’m next back from Idris we can arrange a family dinner…’ She said softly. ‘…with Magnus.’

 

Alec nodded, taken aback by her words. ‘Yeah…I’d like that.’

 

Maryse smiled in response and nodded. ‘Ok then.’ before she turned back to the Shadowhunter’s at the control centre scalding them for the delay in the portal not being ready.

 

Alec watched his mother slip easily back into her pubic Maryse Lightwood persona and wondered if her words were a hollow offer, an empty invitation never to be fulfilled. Alec also knew that in reality, even if they weren’t, given the lives they led the meal was unlikely to actually every happen but after all that happened tonight Alec took it as a step in the right direction.

 

 

* * *

 

With an exhausted sigh Alec locked his heavy wooden door, leaning back against it for a moment. Jace and Max had joined him and Maryse at the portal to say goodbye, Alec had hugged them both a little harder than normal. Izzy was nowhere to be seen, she’d apparently said her goodbyes to Max earlier and refused to see her mother. Both Alec and Jace knew it was pointless to argue with their mother on her decision not to tell Izzy the truth about Robert, once Maryse had made up her mind there was little anyone could do to change it.

 

Somehow Alec found the strength to push his body away from the door and staggered to his bed, collapsing on it with a grunt. He was completely exhausted, physically and emotionally spent. So much, good and bad, had happened over the past few days, Alec felt like he’d fallen through a portal that wouldn’t stop spinning.

 

Valentine’s latest actions were terrifying, having taken Madzie and Magnus’s spell book, and knowing what the Soul Sword could be used for it didn’t bare thinking about what awful hell he was planning on unleashing upon the world. Alec knew there would be suffering and pain ahead, his warrior mind told him they needed to prepare, to strategize, do as much research and reconnaissance as they could, train and prepare as many warriors as possible for battle but his body was tired and his heart, well his heart was in another world entirely.

 

For despite the recent horrors that had unfolded, in another way the past few days had been the greatest of Alec’s life. Things with Magnus now were incredible, it felt like they’d come so far in such a short time, especially after the events of the other night. Alec couldn’t quite believe this was real, that Magnus was really his, how Magnus made him feel. How Alec felt when he touched Magnus, held him, kissed him was beyond amazing. It was an odd comparison but when Alec held Magnus’s body in his hands it was the same feeling as when he held his bow. It felt right, as though it was the thing his hands were meant to hold.

 

As Alec thought of Magnus he remembered the pained look on the Warlock’s face before he left tonight, his beautiful features twisted in fear and pain. Alec hated leaving him after what happened, he couldn’t imagine how difficult it must have been for Magnus to see Alec on that ledge. Alec wondered for a moment how he would have felt had their roles been reversed, if it had been Magnus about to jump but Alec couldn’t bring himself to even conjure the image, the thought made him feel physically sick.

 

Alec knew Magnus would want to talk about tonight and he also knew unlike his mother, Alec would not be able to avoid Magnus’s questioning so easily. What Alec had told both of them had been partially true, Iris’s fear spell had played a role, drawing on his fears about Jocelyn, about what happened, what Alec did. Alec thought about it every day, he tried desperately not to but the guilt and pain he felt was overwhelming.

 

It was easier in the day, Alec could push it from his mind, distract himself with work or training or recently lose himself in Magnus but even then, there were times the weight of the guilt would be too much to bare. Blood hazed memories would flash in his mind and he would freeze, back there in that moment again.

 

The nights were much harder, when Alec was at the complete mercy of his mind and memories. Night after night he would awaken in an ice cold sweat, Jocelyn’s pained screams echoing in his ears, his tired eyes would look down, sure they could see the blood soaking his hands.

 

He hadn’t been lying this morning when he’d told Magnus last night had been the best night’s sleep he’d had in a while. Perhaps it had been the consequence of five nights with little or no sleep, perhaps it had been the magic comfort of Magnus’s cloud like bed or perhaps the natural result of post-orgasm weariness. A part of Alec knew the truth, last night, in Magnus’s bed, in Magnus’s arms was the first night in a long time Alec had felt safe.

 

Now lying here alone in the cold dark of the Institute room which no longer felt like home, Alec longed for the comforting feel of Magnus’s arms once more. Alec rolled over and looked at the clock, it was almost 3am, Magnus was probably long to bed by now, he’d had an exceptionally long day planning the party and dealing with the dramatic events of the night. Alec had no right to disturb him now for his own selfish comfort. Magnus had already done so much for Alec, not only all he’d done with the party and his family but once again Alec owed Magnus his life. As Alec lay in the suffocating darkness he wondered if, or when, the Warlock would grow tired of saving the Shadowhunter.

 

Alec willed his brain to switch off, or at least slow down but it wouldn’t, instead it tormented him, taunted him, playing the nights events over and over. He closed his eyes tight, trying to will the memories away but it felt as if it was happening all over again.

 

Alec could feel the cold breeze of the night air on his skin, the hard granite of the ledge under his hands as he climbed up, the low hum of the New York traffic below. He could hear Clary’s words like a roar over it all.

 

_You’re a murderer…nothing more._

_Why are you still here?_

_You let a demon possess you…you’re weak!_

_Don’t worry; nobody’s going to miss you._

_The guilt must be eating you alive._

He played her cold snarls of ‘weak’ and ‘murderer’ over and over again until he could take no more, covering his ears with his hands as though she were still in the room screaming them at him.

 

Alec knew now it hadn’t been real, Clary hadn’t said those things to him and never would, he and Clary weren’t close but Alec knew she wasn’t cruel. It had felt so real, though Clary might not have said them it didn’t stop them being true. It was all true, everything Alec heard was true. Alec had let the demon in, been weak enough to let it possess him, lacked the strength to fight its hold on him, let it take over his body and take Jocelyn’s life. That was a truth no one could deny.

 

Tears stung Alec’s eyes as he clenched his fists at his sides, digging his nails painfully into his palms. The guilt was consuming him from the inside, he couldn’t escape it, he needed to suffer, to pay for what he’d done. Everyone kept telling him it hadn’t been his fault, it was the demon and Valentine who were truly responsible; Clary, Jace, Magnus, none of them blamed him. But it didn’t matter, it didn’t change what Alec felt because it didn’t change what happened, nothing could. No matter what anyone said, Alec had killed her, taken her life with his bare hands. He was a murderer. Their forgiveness made Alec feel even worse, their need to comfort him after what he’d done made him feel sick.

 

Warring images flooded his mind, Jocelyn’s terrified screams, the feel of his hand crashing through her chest, her bloody lifeless body falling to the floor, Clary’s heart wrenching cries. Suddenly the images twisted into other memories, Magnus’s crooked smile, the feel of his kiss, the sound of him saying ‘Alexander’ breathlessly, the feel of his firm body writhing beneath Alec’s hands. Alec sat up in the bed, wringing his hands over and over rubbing them frantically. He stared down at the hands which last night had been blessed with the feel of Magnus’s perfect skin but now felt cursed and dirty. There was blood on his hands and he couldn’t wash them clean, no matter what he did. Alec felt sick, his chest grew suddenly tight and heart pounded in his chest, he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

 

Alec’s chest grew even tighter, the guilt and shame twisting and tearing at his insides. How could he have this feeling, how could Alec be free and so happy after what he had done? Alec needed to be punished, to suffer, he should be in a world of pain and torment but he wasn’t. Instead he had been rewarded with the magnificent gift of Magnus and he was terrified something awful was going to happen, that Magnus might pay the price for Alec’s sins. His chest grew even tighter, the pain constricting around his heart.

 

Alec knew what was happening, he was having a panic attack. It had happened before, he had them ever since he was a child, when he was stressed or overwhelmed but they had been happening a lot more lately, since Jocelyn. Alec slowly bent forward and placed his head between his legs as he tried his best to calm his breathing. He stayed like that for a while, trying desperately to push the dark thoughts consuming his mind away.

 

He felt his breathing start to even out slightly and his heart slow, though his head still felt heavy. He slowly sat up, catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror. His face was red and puffy, his eyes white and wide, it looked as though he hadn’t slept in weeks. Alec knew he should try to get some sleep but he was terrified of what might await him in the dark of his dreams here. There was only one thing which would soothe him now, one thing he really needed; Magnus.

 

No one in Alec’s whole life, not even Jace, had been able to affect Alec’s emotions the way Magnus did, when Alec was scared Magnus made him blissful, when Alec was angry Magnus soothed his rage, when Alec was scared Magnus made him feel safe. Through his parabatai bond Alec knew what it was to be connected to another person, what it was to have another soul connected to his. Jace was a part of Alec and he of Jace, they were connected completely by their thoughts, feelings, strength but Magnus touched parts of Alec he didn’t even know existed. What Alec felt with Magnus was the same as the bond and completely different at the same time, what he felt with Magnus was…more. Through the bond Alec needed Jace to survive but Alec wanted Magnus, craved him more and more every day.

 

Alec tried to pretend he didn’t know what it meant, the consuming feeling in his heart but he it was a lie, he knew and that was more terrifying than anything. The certainty of what he felt for Magnus was overwhelming; it was too much, too soon. Magnus had lived for centuries, been with thousands, experienced so much, he couldn’t possibly feel the same as Alec, he couldn’t possibly crave the Shadowhunter’s body and soul in the same way.

 

Ashamed at his selfishness but unable to stop himself Alec reached for his phone and called Magnus, it rang and rang but he didn’t pick up, surely asleep by now. Alec didn’t leave a message, terrified in his muddled state what terrifying truths he might confess. He held the phone tightly in his grasp for a moment, contemplating whether to call again, try to wake Magnus from his sleep, just to hear his voice for a moment. He shook the thought from his head, knowing how selfish he was being but also knowing he needed so much more than Magnus voice and he could not wait until tomorrow.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Thanks to everyone for your amazing comments on the last chapter, especially about the parts dealing with the suicide and Jocelyn. It was really difficult to right and your reaction to it was really incredible so thank you.
> 
> I hope you guys still like where this story is going, my aim is to work up to 2x10 and see where these crazy kids end up in my version, will try keeping it as canon as possible, maybe a few tweaks here and there. And I hope this chapter makes up for the lack of Malec interaction in the previous one.

* * *

 

‘Alec…Alec no!’

 

Magnus heard Clary’s pained cry of Alec’s name tear through the loft and reacted on instinct, shoving past Izzy and Maryse, their confused shouts drowned out by the voice screaming in his own mind.

 

_Alec…something was wrong…Alec was in danger._

Magnus could think of nothing else but getting to Alec. Magnus ran ahead of the others, moving faster than the three highly trained Shadowhunter’s following close behind. Magnus reached the stairs, rushing up them two at a time willing his body to move faster, he needed to get to Alec now.

 

Finally after what seemed like a lifetime he reached the roof, shoving the door open roughly with such force it practically flew off its hinges. Magnus felt his heart stop as he took in the horrifying scene before him; Clary stood shaking, not from the night air but fear, as she stared in horror at Alec, stood at the roof ledge, body edging dangerously close to the edge. Her voice wavered as she pleaded with him not to do this, begged him to get down.  Magnus’s eyes widened in horror as they looked to Alec’s perfect suit-clad form, teetering on the edge, his left foot practically hanging over the ledge. Fear gripped the Warlock’s entire body as his mind tried to process exactly what was happening and he froze for a moment, just a moment.

 

‘Alexander…’ Alec’s name fell a mere whisper from Magnus’s lips.

 

Alec stood with his back to them, if he knew Magnus had arrived he didn’t acknowledge his presence, he didn’t do anything except stare down at the bustling night street below. Then he turned to them, his face completely blank, no emotion, not even fear or pain on his face and fell backwards, over the edge into the night.

 

Fear and panic flooded Magnus’s entire body as he watched Alec fall back, he raised his hand instantly, a flash of blue light dashed from his powerful fingertips towards Alec’s falling body but it didn’t reach him. It was too late Alec was gone.

 

Magnus let out a sound somewhere between a scream and a strangled growl as he rushed towards the ledge where Alec had stood only milliseconds before, waving his hands frantically, flashes of white and blue light fill the night sky as he wills his magic to reach Alec, to save him.

 

He hears Clary’s sobs, followed by the confused voices of Jace and Izzy and a screaming mother somewhere in the distance.

 

Suddenly Alec opens his eyes and stretches his arms out, suddenly he cries for Magnus. ‘Magnus!’

 

Magnus tries once last time, drawing on every element of magic and power his body possess, drawing on the dark demon parts of himself he’s kept locked away for decades, fearing what giving into the darkness within would unleash within him. In this moment he doesn’t care, he would do anything, sacrifice anything including his own soul to save Alec. The bright blue lights burst forth once more but Alec is already too far gone for Magnus to reach. Magnus can’t save him.

 

‘Alec!’ Magnus screams, physically feeling his soul rip in two as he watches the Shadowhunter’s body fall away into the dark of the night. 

 

When Magnus awakes he’s still screaming Alec’s name, over and over until it slowly becomes more of a murmur into the empty dark of his loft. His heart is pounding in his chest, his body drenched in sweat; he’s still in his shirt and pants from the party. It takes the Warlock a moment to realise he’s on the couch, having moved from his reading chair at some point following Ragnor hallucinations, deciding he’d had enough vodka.

 

Slowly Magnus sat up, bringing a ringed hand to his eyes. His head hurt and not just from the vodka. Though he’d hoped his alcohol induced sleep might provide his mind and heart some reprieve from the torturous thoughts of Alec that had plagued him all night, it appeared that was not going to happen. Magnus replayed the nightmare over in his mind, a mirror image of what had happened tonight with one fatal exception; he wasn’t able to save Alec.

 

In the dream he’d been too late, hesitated for just a second as fear gripped his body and he’d lost Alec forever. Magnus closed his eyes he saw Alec’s lifeless warrior body falling away into the dark, reaching out and calling Magnus’s name, wanting him to help him, to save him. Magnus shook his head as if trying to banish the images from his mind, swallowing back the tears he felt burning his eyes. Though he knew it was a dream, that wasn’t real, Alec was alive, Magnus _had_ saved him, it didn’t lessen the guilt he felt tearing at his insides. He couldn’t shake the painful dread consuming his body, he felt sick with it.

 

Blinking his eyes open he brushed the tears away, eyes falling to his cell phone on the table beside the near empty bottle of vodka. Magnus reached for it instantly. He needed to talk to Alec, hear his voice, know he was ok, that the dream wasn’t real. He was about to dial Alec’s number when he saw the time displayed on the screen and lowered the phone; 3.08am. What was he thinking, after all Alec had been through tonight the last thing he needed was a panicked phone call from Magnus in the middle of the night, needing comfort. Alec needed rest, he deserved rest. Magnus threw the phone down on the table a little harder than was probably good for it, cursing himself for his selfishness, his need to seek comfort from Alec when he was the one in pain.

 

With a frustrated sigh he fell back against the couch and resigned himself to a restless night ahead. Magnus knew he should drag his tired body to his bed but he couldn’t quite find the strength. He also knew, despite the fact they had only spent one night together, that without Alec his bed wouldn’t feel right. Without Alec there was no comfort to be found anywhere.

 

* * *

 

The cool night air felt like a blast of ice water crashing against Magnus face as he burst through the roof door. This time he was alone, there was no Clary desperately trying to talk Alec down, no Jace or Izzy hot on Magnus’s heels desperate to save their brother. It was just Alec and Magnus, alone in the cold dark of the night.

 

‘Alec please…’ Magnus said softly, one hand raised as he moved cautiously towards the ledge. ‘Please don’t do this.’

 

Alec was standing facing Magnus this time, his face no longer void of emotion but twisted in fear and pain.

 

‘I can’t Magnus…’ his voice was so quiet Magnus could barely hear him; he sounded so tired, as if there was no fight left in him. It broke Magnus’s heart.

 

Magnus moved a little closer, he wanted to throw himself forward, grab Alec’s body and force him back to the safety of the roof, to his arms but he was afraid anything he did might scare Alec.

 

‘Alexander…’ he repeated trying to keep his voice calm and soothing. ‘Talk to me…I’m here Alec, I’m not going anywhere…’

 

Alec shut his eyes as if the sound of Magnus’s voice caused him pain. ‘I…I…can’t’ he shook his head. ‘I can’t do this…I’m sorry…’

 

Magnus was so close to Alec, if he reached out he could touch him. ‘Don’t leave me Alec…please…’ Magnus whispered his voice shaking. ‘I need you Alec…I lo…’

 

Magnus’s voice trailed off before he was able to say the final words as Alec closed his eyes and fell back off the ledge.

 

‘Alec!’ Magnus yelled as he reached for him, his hands desperately clutching at Alec’s strong arms.

 

‘Let me go Magnus.’ Alec cried, his words stabbing Magnus’s heart.

 

‘No!’ Magnus tried desperately to hold on, to drag Alec back to him but he could feel his grip slipping, the Shadowhunter’s strong muscular form too much for him to hold onto alone. He could feel his grip starting to falter, the feel of Alec slowly slipping from his grasp. ‘Alec…Alec no!’

 

Like the nightmare before Magnus awoke crying Alec’s name. He clenched his fists painfully, his painted nails digging into his palms as if trying to hold onto Alec from the dream, to stop him from letting go. His whole body was shaking, pulsing with anger, fear and panic but it suddenly stilled as he felt strong arms wrap around him, enfolding his fragile body completely.

 

His mind slowly began to clear, the tormenting images of the dream faded away and Magnus suddenly realised where he was, no longer on the couch but in his bed, tucked protectively beneath his lavish bedsheets. The soft sheets felt comforting against his bare skin as he also realised he had been undressed, now only in his underwear.

 

Magnus felt the fear and pain begin to ebb from his body, instead his skin prickled with a familiar heat and burning as if being brought back to life by the body beside him. Magnus felt the hard warmth of Alec’s hard chest; his soft hair pressed against Magnus back as the Shadowhunter pulled him even closer, trying if it were possible to wrap his arms even tighter around the Warlock in his hold.

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec’s voice was low and soothing in Magnus’s ear and he welcomed it like a cure. ‘It’s ok…I’m here.’

 

Magnus let out a sound somewhere between a whimper and sob in the dark as he twisted his body, turning so he was facing Alec. He moved slowly, careful not to break the hold of Alec’s arms around him, terrified if he did Alec might disappear, that this too might all be a dream.

 

‘Alexander?’ he asked, his voice a questioning croak, almost broken from the screams of his nightmares.

 

Magnus blinked his eyes open slowly and stilled for a moment, staring at the angel beside him. Alec’s face is so close to his, those deep dark eyes glimmering in the darkness, though Magnus can still see the pain inside, the soft perfect lips set into an almost sad half-smile. Slowly Magnus reached one hand out, slightly shaking and cupped Alec’s face, terrified he might not be real.

 

‘Alexander.’ He said again, not a question this time, more to reassure himself than anything. ‘You’re here.’

 

‘I’m here.’ Alec breathed softly, tuning his face into Magnus’s palm, kissing it softly.

 

Suddenly all hesitation and softness were gone, Magnus launched himself forward, both hands delving beneath the bedsheets grabbing roughly at Alec’s sides guiding the Shadowhunter’s body to his. Magnus’s mouth is rough and desperate, his tongue forcing its way into Alec’s mouth, his hands are wild and frantic clutching at any part of Alec’s skin he can. Magnus needs to touch Alec, taste him, feel his body, know that he’s here, he’s real and he’s Magnus’s.

 

Alec’s responds instantly, his actions just as wild and desperate as Magnus’s, his tongue trails over the Warlock’s lips as his arms scratch at his perfect toned back. It all happens in a wild haze, their underwear is quickly removed both bare to one another, hard and desperate against the other, a tangled mess of limbs and mouths and desperate moans.

 

Alec’s name falls over and over from Magnus’s lips, a desperate prayer said each time his lips kiss the rune covered skin, desperately clinging to his lovers body. Magnus pushes Alec’s body back, pinning him roughly to the bed as he covers his mouth once more, grinding and rutting their hard cocks against one another. Alec groans against Magnus’s mouth, his tongue thrusting harder against the Warlock’s as he feels their bodies so close together, revelling in the feel if Magnus above him.

 

Alec feels like his entire body is on fire, lost in the feel on Magnus against him his hands move as if of their own design, sliding down Magnus’s back to his perfectly round ass. Alec cups it, digging his fingers and squeezing the soft flesh, wanting to drag Magnus’s body, already covering his completely, even closer. Acting on lust and instinct Alec’s hands move slowly over Magnus’s ass, dipping in between his cheeks, his desire for Magnus, to feel him, overpowering any fears or self-doubt in his mind at what he’s doing. Magnus’s mouth is still hard against his but Alec takes his frantic nod as permission before he gently pushes one finger inside.

 

Magnus’s low groan is stifled against Alec’s mouth but his tongues laps at the Shadowhunter’s more fiercely as Alec slowly moves his finger in and out, teasing open Magnus’s tight hole. The Warlock grinds his body harder against Alec’s, moving in sync with Alec’s hand inside him. Magnus breaks their kiss, his breath harsh and wild as he utters one word.

 

‘More…’ he kisses Alec hard and rough. ‘I want more Alec.’

 

Alec eases a second finger inside, a low growl rumbling in his chest as he feels Magnus’s tight ass grip around his fingers. Magnus grunts, feeling Alec’s fingers stretching him open as he continues to rock his body back and forth, keeping the delicious friction of their hard cocks between them. Alec tilts his head up and kisses Magnus, hurried and frantic. Magnus moves his lips across Alec’s face before moving down, kissing and biting at his neck, sucking at his collarbone, feeling the blood pulsing at his neck. Alec continues to work his fingers, trying desperately to replicate the pleasures of Magnus’s expert hands from the shower this afternoon. He’s not sure if he’s doing this right, he only knows this feels, Magnus feels, incredible. The feel of Magnus’s tight ass on his hands, hard cock against his and lips on his skin push Alec closer and closer to the edge, he’s beyond desperate but like Magnus only wants more.

 

Alec pushes his fingers deeper inside, twisting them slightly feeling them brush against Magnus’s prostate. Magnus jolts in Alec’s hold, growling against the Shadowhunter’s skin.

 

‘God…Alec…’ he moans as Alec repeats the movement, circling and twisting his fingers inside him.

 

Slowly Magnus pulls back, bringing his face level with Alec’s, he’s so far gone in the feeling of Alec’s hands and body beneath him he can’t take anymore. His breath his ragged as he rests his forehead against Alec’s.

 

‘Alexander…’ he murmurs. Alec almost loses it at the desperate way Magnus says his name. ‘I need you Alexander…I need to feel you.’

 

Alec’s hands stilled suddenly at Magnus’s words, the Warlocks meaning clear but he still needed a moment to take it in, what Magnus was saying to him. Alec still couldn’t believe, after everything, Magnus, amazing, beautiful and powerful Magnus wanted him. Alec wasn’t sure if he’d ever truly believe it, he knew he’d never be worthy of the extraordinary creature above him but he also knew that in this moment he had never wanted anything as much as he wanted this. He was nervous but not afraid, he wanted to be with Magnus completely. He needed to feel all of Magnus he could.

 

Sensing the anxiety in Alec and rethinking his words, understanding the gravity of what he was saying Magnus reached his hand up and cupped Alec’s face once more. The honourable voice in his head was trying to drown out the lustful demon who wanted to consume all of Alec, heart body and soul and make him his. No matter how badly he wanted Alec, needed Alec, Magnus wouldn’t push him.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus’s voice was softer now, though still ragged and full of wanting. ‘I’m sorry…we don’t have to…’

 

Alec leant his head up and kissed Magnus hard on the mouth, twisting his hands inside Magnus once more causing the Warlock to mewl against his mouth as Alec hit the perfect spot inside him once more.

 

‘I do…I want…’ Alec breathed. ‘I want you Magnus.’

 

Magnus buried his head in Alec’s neck for a moment at his words, too overwhelmed by them, his heart and head so lost in lust and desire he could feel his self-control barely holding on, he didn’t want his glamour to fall and Warlock mark show. Magnus kissed Alec’s deflection rune lightly then moved his lips back across Alec’s jawline and cheeks before settling on his lips once more. When Magnus pulled back he saw the nervous look in Alec’s eyes and unspoken questions he wanted but was too embarrassed to ask.

 

_What should I do?_

Magnus kissed him again, softer this time, and slowly wriggled his body upwards, easing Alec’s fingers out, pushing the Shadowhunter’s body back against the lavish pillows.

 

‘Lie back.’ Magnus whispered softly kissing Alec again.

 

Alec moved back, noticing a flash of blue light leave Magnus’s hands as a small bottle materialised on the bedside table. Magnus moved backward and gently eased Alec’s strong legs apart a little wider. Alec was aware he was sat completely naked, spread before Magnus, dick rock hard jutting out against his stomach yet he didn’t feel exposed or self-conscious in anyway. Instead he stayed completely still, eyes transfixed on Magnus as the Warlock moved elegantly above him, his own desire rising with each passing moment by the hungry way Magnus was looking at him.

 

Magnus moved with his useful grace, being sure to never take his eyes from Alec, Magnus couldn’t help but actually lick his lips at the sight of the Shadowhunter spread out in all his glory before him, waiting for him. He’d wanted Alec so badly for so long and he couldn’t wait another minute. Magnus settled himself on the bed in between Alec’s legs, bending his own long limbs over the Shadowhunter’s so his feet were flat on the bed either side of Alec. Alec stared wide-eyed in wonder at the perfect figure before him, his glorious body bared so openly to Alec. Magnus was perfection, a masterpiece of a man. Alec’s heart swelled inside, how could this beautiful creature have chosen Alec?

 

‘Watch me Alec.’ Magnus breathed, his voice hot and heavy.

 

Alec said nothing in response, still unable to look anywhere but at Magnus, he heard the snap of the bottle opening and squelching sound of liquid. Alec looked on, awestruck, as Magnus propped himself up on one elbow before moving the other hand down to his ass. Slowly Magnus eased one liquid coated finger inside himself, moving it with the usual skill and elegance he demonstrated in all things. Soon, following the lube and Alec’s earlier attentions, Magnus added a second finger, moving the two digits in a scissoring motion, opening himself wider and wider.

 

Alec couldn’t take his eyes off Magnus working himself so beautifully, he watched the Warlock, an intense hunger growing inside, remembering the feel of Magnus on his own fingers, wanting desperately to feel that tight perfection again, wanting to know what it would feel like to be inside Magnus completely. Alec felt himself grow even harder as he watched Magnus, he couldn’t help but reach for his straining cock, hands gripping tightly at the throbbing length.

 

Grunting roughly Magnus adds a third finger, his wet fingers moving in and out faster now, his hole stretched wide before Alec.

 

‘Mmm Alec…’ Magnus murmurs, his eyes fluttering shut.

 

Alec bites his lip at the sound, terrified he might explode just from watching Magnus.

 

Magnus opens his eyes, staring down at Alec. ‘Need you now.’

 

Alec nods unable to speak, even if he wanted to, or more truthfully terrified of what truths he might confess in this moment. He only hopes his eyes reveal his own desperate need for Magnus. Magnus slowly removes his fingers and climbs up Alec’s body and kisses the Shadowhunter desperately, tongues roughly warring together. Alec releases his hold on his dick as he feels Magnus’s wet fingers encircle his throbbing cock before he slowly, torturously moves his hand up and down Alec’s shaft coating it.

 

Alec closed his eyes and lost himself in the feel of Magnus’s expert touch, bucking into Magnus hands when the Warlock lightly brushed over his swelling tip. Alec is already so close to the edge he’s not sure how much longer he can hold on but he wills every fibre of his body to hold on. He can feel his breath rising fast, his body pulsing with anticipation and lust, he doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anything as much as he wants this right now.

 

Alec hadn’t quite realised how much until this very moment, about what was about to happen. Like any teenage boy Alec had thought about sex from the moment he hit puberty but he hadn’t wondered what it would be like, how it would feel, would he be good at it like most, instead he felt ashamed, he felt like what he wanted was wrong. So for so long he pushed away any thoughts of sex or his true desires, shoved them down deep inside along with all the truths he kept hidden for so long. Even with Jace, when Alec had feelings for him, or at least thought he did, he never really thought about him sexually. Alec wouldn’t allow himself to. But that all changed when Magnus came along.

 

Since Magnus everything had been different. Magnus once told Alec that the Shadowhunter had unlocked something within him, Alec hadn’t really understood what he’d meant at the time but now Alec knew completely. Magnus had unlocked things inside Alec that he hadn’t even known were there, passion, desire, longing, lust. Every day Alec felt overwhelmed at the feelings Magnus awoke within him. Sex was an entirely new world for Alec, he knew in his head what sex was meant to be, how it was meant to feel, the pleasures and gratification of the act. But this, what Alec felt when he was with Magnus went beyond any of that, he felt pleasures like nothing he’d ever experienced before when Magnus touched him but that wasn’t why Alec wanted to be with him so badly. This wasn’t about sex, it was about Magnus. Alec needed to feel Magnus, be inside him, be with him completely more than he needed anything else in this world.  

 

Alec tried to even his breathing as he felt Magnus’s body move, positioning himself over the head of Alec’s throbbing cock, his soaking hand still wrapped around the base, firmly gripping Alec’s thick length as he guides it slowly inside himself. Unable to stop himself Magnus lets out a hitched breath as he lowers himself down onto Alec, feeling every nerve ending in his body explode as Alec’s thick cock stretches him open completely. Alec makes a strangled growl as Magnus’s tight hole take all of him in, the feeling is beyond incredible, Alec feels as if he’s reached the edge of heaven.

 

His breathing coming in ragged bursts, Magnus finally sinks down on Alec completely and stills for a moment, allowing his body to adjust to the delicious intrusion of Alec’s cock inside him. He places both hands on Alec’s hard chest, feeling the burning heat of his skin under his touch, the Shadowhunters eyes fluttering open and closed as he tries to comprehend what is happening between them.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus asks breathlessly, his hands tracing the sides of Alec’s muscled body. ‘You ok?’

 

Alec nods then stammers ‘I…I just…you feel…’ but his words keep catching in his throat, there is nothing he can say that will adequately convey what it is that he feels in this moment. There is one thing, one truth burning away in his heart threatening to spill out. ‘Magnus I…’

 

Magnus cuts off his words, leaning forward to kiss him slowly, silently answering Alec’s pleas with his lips. As always the kiss grows heated, Magnus’s tongues licks at Alec’s mouth as he starts to move his body, gliding himself up and down, shifting his hips in a slow steady rhythm as he rides Alec’s body. Alec lets out a primal groan at his slow but exquisite movements, his hands move instinctively upwards and set in a tight grip around Magnus’s waist.

 

The feel of Alec’s hands digging on the edge of painful in his sides spur Magnus on, he sits back and begins to move faster, grinding his ass harder back and forth on Alec’s dick, his own rock hard cock slapping against Alec’s stomach. Alec knows he should be doing something, use his hands or his mouth, anything but he can’t, he’s so lost in the amazing feel of Magnus’s body around his, the blissful euphoria of them finally being joined so completely. No thoughts or fantasies could have prepared Alec for this moment, for this feeling, for Magnus.

 

Magnus moves even faster, now practically slamming his glorious body down on Alec’s, desperate whimpers falling from his lips. Spurred on by the sound Alec sits up slightly, his face brushing against Magnus’s, lips kissing anywhere he can. With the movement Alec shifts the angle of their bodies, thrusting upwards with his hips. Despite their bodies being completely joined he needs to be even closer to Magnus.

 

‘Uh god…Alec…’ Magnus cries at the movement, feeling his body melt against the Shadowhunter.

 

Alec is holding Magnus up in his arms now, trusting his cock upwards hitting Magnus even deeper inside. Magnus’s moans grow even more desperate, his body feels lose and his mind blurry, riding a high from a drug he can’t get enough of. He wraps his arms tightly around Alec’s neck as the Shadowhunter drives himself up more forcefully, pounding his cock desperately into Magnus.

 

‘Magnus…’ he murmurs wanting to say so much more but once again the words fall away. So instead he kisses him, hard and hopes its enough.

 

Magnus’s tongue meets Alec’s in answer and Alec moves his hips harder and faster, thrusting so relentlessly Magnus can barely hold on. The feel of Alec inside him is so powerful, hitting the perfect spot with such force each time he raises his hips. They’re moving together in such wild rhythm, two halves of one perfect being, the feeling building in Magnus’s heart rivals the waves of pleasure spreading through his body. It’s almost too much for Magnus to bear. He can feel his release building and the magic of his glamour slipping away, so lost in the pleasure and feel of Alec Magnus isn’t sure he has the power to stop it. Instead he shuts his eyes burying his head in the curve of Alec’s neck once more. Suddenly he feels Alec’s hand roughly grab the back of his neck and pull him back.

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec practically growls. ‘Open your eyes…I want to see you.’

 

Not having the strength to conjure the glamour nor deny Alec anything in this moment Magnus slowly raised his head and open his eyes, the glamour gone completely, yellow cat eyes boring into Alec’s perfect hazel. Alec had seen his cat eyes earlier tonight for the first time, when Max had asked about Magnus’s Warlock mark. The boy had been afraid, understandably so but Alec’s reaction had been…unexpected, in the way that he hadn’t really reacted at all. From the corner of his eye Magnus had seen the momentary shock pass over his face as Magnus lowered the glamour but Alec quickly composed himself, stoic unreadable expression on his face within seconds. And then with the nights events Magnus hadn’t had a chance to ask Alec about it. Not that he was sure he would, he honestly wasn’t sure what Alec’s reaction might be. Alec knew what Magnus was, he’d seen him use magic and do spells countless times but his Warlock mark was different, it was the mark of the other part of Magnus, of the demon within. He wasn’t sure how much of a demon an angel could love.

 

Alec slowed his movements slightly, still rolling his hips upwards but less fiercely than before, though he didn’t lessen his intense grip on Magnus’s waist. Alec stared at him for a moment, his eyes staring over the yellow gems looking back at him. Slowly he raised one hand and rubbed a thumb over Magnus’s bottom lip.

 

‘So beautiful.’ He murmured before crashing his lips back to Magnus’s, moving his hips hard and fast once more, thrusting so fierce and rough now Magnus whimpered in his hold.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus whispered breaking their kiss. ‘My Alexander.’

 

Magnus cried out as Alec’s dick slammed inside him, hitting his against his prostate harder than before, Alec always the quick study did it over and over again. Magnus dug his nails hard into Alec’s shoulders, clinging onto his lover desperately, his tight ass clenching even tighter around Alec’s cock as the Shadowhunter continued to slam into him at a relentless pace. The room is filled with the sound of flesh meeting flesh, heady moans and their ragged desperate breaths.

 

The rising heat burning inside Magnus reaches its peak, his whole body starts to shake, his own cock desperately tight, slapping between their two bodies. Alec thrusts up one last time, lifting their joined bodies off the bed, Magnus bites down into Alec’s shoulder with a violent cry as his release rips through him, his cock exploding and covering both their stomachs. Alec’s own release follows, his body shattering into a million pieces, hips bucking wildly as he spills all of himself inside Magnus.

 

Chests heaving and hearts pounding, they stay wrapped up in one another for a moment. Alec’s hands roam over Magnus’s back, up his sides soothingly, lovingly wanting to touch him everywhere until they settle in the Warlock’s hair. Magnus’s lips brush over Alec’s shoulders, kissing the skin which will likely show bruises tomorrow but neither of them caring. His lips move slowly upwards until he and Alec are facing each other once more. Silently they look at one another, neither able to find words that could quite convey what just happened between them but both their eyes are filled with more truth than any words could match.

 

The bed dips slightly as Magnus slowly eases himself off Alec, wincing at the movement, feeling suddenly empty. Completely exhausted and craving sleep almost as much as Alec’s touch, Magnus summoned the strength to wave his hand, clearing their bodies before collapsing in a heap beside Alec, his body sore in the most perfect way possible. Alec moved instantly wrapping his arms around Magnus once more, tucking the Warlock’s body into his own the way he’d done when Magnus had awoken earlier tonigh.

 

* * *

 

They lay in the silence of the darkness for a time; both awake though in need of sleep before the sun came up but unwilling to let the other go. Hands and lips traced skin, lightly, barely there but always touching the other. Finally as Alec drew ghost-like circles on his hip Magnus felt his eyes grow heavy as they started to fall, he knew sleep was close. Alec was still awake; he could hear the slow even breathing behind him. Magnus’s hand delved under the covers and grabbed Alec’s bringing it to his mouth.

 

‘Don’t leave me Alec.’ he whispered in the dark, kissing Alec’s hand lightly.

 

He felt Alec sigh into his hair. ‘I won’t…’ he said softly. ‘I’m here Magnus.’

 

Alec kissed Magnus neck softly, brushing his fingers through the Warlock’s soft hair, soothing him to sleep. Magnus swore he heard three more words muttered into the dark but he didn’t hear what they were but sleep won out.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi everyone so I am really sorry for the delay in updating this, I know I said I had found some re-inspiration following Matt's amazing takeover which was true but unfortunately due to some family things that happened I just didn't have the time to write, which sucked massively. 
> 
> Thankfully things are ok now so I've managed to get this chapter out and have a plan for the next few which i'm hoping to get done before the 2b premier - I know this is a serious goal considering my latest pace but i'd love for this to be finished before we get to see the next parts of Malec in 2b.
> 
> What has been amazing is that people still seem to be finding this story and enjoying it (I hope) so thank you all for that. I hope there are still some people out there who are following this, I am sorry for the time breaks, i know HOW frustrating it is waiting on chapter updates! fingers crossed you all still like where this is going.
> 
> on a separate note thank you for your amazing comments on chapter 9 and the Malec loving. there will definitely be more to come but this is picking up in 2x09 so focusing more on what happened at the party. Also i;ve added a slight non-canon time jump just as i realised a hell of a lot had happened in like 3 days in my version!

 

Magnus let out a contented sigh, enjoying the feel of the morning sun warm his face as he sipped his morning coffee on the balcony, basking in a rare moment of peaceful quiet. His temporary, though seemingly growing more permanent by the day, roommate was nowhere to be found. Now they knew Clary was the key to activating the Soul Sword, Jace barely spent any time at the loft at all, instead permanently fixed at her side, watching her every move, vowing to protect her from Valentine’s evil schemes, much to the redhead’s, and her new vampire beaus, annoyance. That’s what family was for Magnus supposed as he stifled back a yawn before taking another swig. This was his second cup, black and full of sugar, most definitely what he needed after the past few nights.

 

Magnus couldn’t help but grin as he remembered the reason behind his sudden weariness. Magnus had used the peace of Jace’s recent absence from the loft to fill his days with research and spells, desperately hoping he’d find something, anything to help locate his spell book or Valentine. It had been a fruitless and frustrating endeavour. However the nights more than made up for it, as they had been solely and completely consumed by one thing; Alexander.

 

Three nights had passed since the rune party, since what had been both one of the worst and most incredible nights of Magus’s life. The first night with Alec had been beyond amazing, Magnus couldn’t remember experiencing anything like it before. The sex itself was incredible, not that Magnus was really surprised, Alec Lightwood was a dutiful student and exceptionally fast learner, the things the Shadowhunter had learnt to do with his tongue in the past few days were near sinful. Magnus praise the angel (or demon) for every second. But it went beyond physical pleasure, in his many centuries Magnus had had his share of mind blowing sex, in fact he’d had many men’s share, but that first night with Alec had been something else entirely. He couldn’t remember a time in his long years he’d felt this way about someone,  he feeling of finally being _with_ Alec, having Alec finally inside him, connected and consuming him so completely, was beyond pleasure. The way Alec looked at him when they were finally joined was otherworldly.

 

Magnus took another glug of the sweet hot liquid remembering the perfect way their bodies had come together that first night and every night since. They hadn’t come together in the same wild and desperate way as the first night but the need for one another was always there between them. They had quickly found a satisfying rhythm in the nights that followed the party, few words passed between them, the desire clear in their eyes. Desperate hands would meet burning skin, lips would devour lips and they quickly lost themselves in each other completely, bodies slotting together perfectly, like two pieces of beautiful puzzle.

 

Magnus’s grin widened as he remembered the way Alec had awoken him this morning, taking his time to slowly explore every inch of Magnus body with his hands and mouth, worshipping him as he brought the Warlock closer and closer to the edge before finally taking him slowly as Magnus lay face down in the bed, Alec’s breath hot in his ear, lips at his neck, rolling his hips with delicious skill. Magnus remembered the way his body shattered completely beneath him, the incredible feeling of Alec’s huge warrior body slotted perfectly into Magnus’s elegant frame. It had been the same between them every time and like the first time it felt incredible; Magnus loved the feeling of being filled by Alec so completely. Magnus hoped, one day if Alec wanted that, Magnus would be able to share that feeling with him, of being filled so completely. For now Magnus was blissfully content in whatever Alec wanted.

 

Despite the blissful pleasures and euphoria that Magnus’s body was revelling in, a part of him felt ashamed. He and Alec had not spoken about what happened on the roof the night of the party, not really, and Magnus knew the longer they avoided it the harder it would be. Magnus knew Alec didn’t want to talk about it but there were things Magnus needed to say, things he needed Alec to hear. He needed Alec to know he was here; that Alec wasn’t alone, no matter how dark or ugly things got Magnus would be there for him. It wasn’t a choice or decision Magnus made for himself, he knew that now, Alec had become a part of him long before that night and Magnus couldn’t survive without him.

 

Magnus had intended to talk to Alec the morning after the party, especially after what happened between them the night before. However Alec had been called back to the Institute urgently the next morning for Aldertree’s briefing on Valentine. When Alec finally returned later that night, he’d been so riled up following Aldertree’s latest refusal to listen to Alec and Jace, that Magnus barely had the chance to utter more than a few words before Alec had shoved him against the wall and dropped to his knees before the Warlock, frantically tugging his belt buckle open.

 

Magnus knew Alec was distracting him, as well as himself, with sex and he knew he should stop, or at least slow things down but it was so hard to resist when he craved the Shadowhunter so desperately. However as much as Magnus craved Alec’s exquisite body, if it were possible he craved his heart even more, Magnus wanted to protect it, cherish it and shield it from any pain with his own.

 

In fact it was the quieter moments, the moments after they lost themselves in each other, Magnus came to cherish most. Nothing in all his centuries compared to the feel of holding Alec in his arms, the dazed blissful half-smile set on his face, the soft melodic sound of his breathing as he drifted to sleep. Magnus almost craved these moments as much as he craved Alec’s body. In the moments before sleep took hold Alec seemed to find a rare peace and calm he struggled to find anywhere else. Each night he asked Magnus to tell him things, not deep personal secrets but small things, good things Alec called them.

 

 _Tell me something Magnus…_ he would whisper in the night. _Tell me something good._

 

Magnus remembered the night before as he held Alec close to his body, delicate hands stroking Alec’s sweat sheened skin, his hard body still shaking from feel of his release. Magnus told him stories of when he lived South America in the mid-19th Century, though careful to leave out any details which included Camille, instead softly telling him of his adventures with Ragnor in Peru, the mystics he encountered in the Amazon and his nights dancing into the early hours in Buenos Ares.

 

_Alec sighed, his breath warm against Magnus sweat sheened chest. ‘I’d love to go to Argentina; I’ve always wanted to see Iguazu Falls.’_

_‘We can Alexander; Argentina, Paris, Marrakech, I told you the world is your oyster.’ Magnus replied stroking his hands down Alec’s back, he could feel his excitement growing; he loved the idea of exploring the endless corners of the world with Alec. ‘We could go right now, anywhere you want.’_

_Alec smiled against his chest, ‘I think we may be a little underdressed.’_

_‘Hmmph, clearly you haven’t been to the midnight show at the Moulin Rouge.’ Magnus murmured in response causing Alec to chuckle softly. ‘The offer stands Alec, anywhere in the world, name it and we’ll go.’_

_Alec moved his head up slightly, tucking an arm between his chin on Magnus’s chest, his eyes instantly met Magnus’s own before he uttered softly. ‘I’m happy here.’_

_‘So am I.’ Magnus smiled, leaning his head to kiss the Shadowhunter softly, bruised lips brushing lips._

_Alec closed his eyes as Magnus’s lips broke away and sighed. ‘I’ll admit a night in Paris with you is a lot more appealing than having to sit through another one of Aldertree’s ridiculous briefings.’_

_‘Gee thanks.’ Magnus grumbled giving Alec’s side a playful squeeze beneath the covers._

_‘I didn’t mean…sorry.’ Alec said with a smirk, before pressing his lips to Magnus’s chest in apology. ‘I just don’t know how much more of Aldertree I can take.’_

_‘Don’t let him get to you Alexander.’ Magnus said running his hands soothingly over Alec’s arms. ‘He’s just trying to rile you; everyone knows you should be Head of the Institute.’_

_‘But I’m not.’ Alec replied bitterly._

_Magnus knew how much Alec resented Aldertree and quite rightly, not only had Aldertree taken the position Alec had been working towards his whole life but Victor had decided the best way to secure his authority was to belittle and disparage Alec or his family at every turn._

_Magnus sighed, ‘I could always portal Aldertree away, perhaps not Paris…far too exciting for a diplomat…’ he mused. ‘I’m seeing more of a one-way trip to Antarctica…or Mars.’_

_‘I’ll bear that in mind.’ Alec sniggered. ‘I just don’t want to go back there.’_

_‘Then don’t.’ Magnus said firmly. ‘Stay here, I’m sure Jace will call, or more likely interrupt at the worst possible moment, if he needs you.’_

_A half-smile appeared on Alec’s face. ‘I think I’ve reached the amount of days I can get out of that sweater.’_

_‘You do realise I have a washer and dryer, not that I use it, and you know, magic to clean clothes Alec?’ Magnus teased._

_Alec rolled his eyes, ‘You know what I mean.’_

_Magnus’s brow furrowed, ‘I don’t see why you don’t leave some stuff here, have a drawer or something. It seems ridiculous to trek back and forth to the Institute every morning for a new sweater in a slightly different shade of green.’_

_Magnus looked to Alec who was staring up at him with a slightly wide-eyed look of disbelief at what Magnus was suggesting._

_‘Magnus…’ Alec began, his body wriggling slightly beneath the covers._

_Magnus hadn’t intended to ask Alec this, it really had been a sensible solution to a problem but now he’d said it aloud he realised how much he wanted it. The idea of Alec’s things sitting side by side with Magnus’s, if only for some of the time, was something Magnus wanted more than anything in the world. But he knew he needed to be careful not to push Alec too fast._

_‘It makes sense for you to have a few things here when you need them...’ Magnus said as casually as he could manage._

_‘Oh…I guess you’re right.’ Alec’s face was a combination of uncertainty and something else Magnus couldn’t quite place. He looked almost…disappointed by Magnus’s response._

_‘Alec…’ Magnus began but paused, not sure exactly how to say what he really wanted to. He let out a soft breath before continuing, ‘It would be nice for you to have a place here…if you’d like.’_

_Alec smiled, giving a small nod. ‘I would.’_

_They lay in silence for a few moments, Alec resting his head against Magnus’s body, listening to the slow thud of the Warlocks heart, his fingers tracing rune-like shapes on his stomach until the sound lulled him into a peaceful sleep. Magnus looked down at the man sleeping in his arms, tightening the grip of his arms around Alec, pulling his body closer with a heavy sigh._

_‘What are you doing to me Shadowhunter?’ he whispered into the night before kissing the top of Alec’s head, feeling his own need for sleep looming._

Magnus smiled at the memory, the feeling of falling asleep with Alec in his arms was something he would never tire of. It was why he needed to talk to Alec so badly, no matter how good things had been between them in the past few days Magnus couldn’t forget what happened the other night, he couldn’t let go of the fear and pain he felt seeing Alec on that ledge, knowing how close he came to losing him was too much. Taking the last glug of his coffee Magnus decided he would talk to Alec today, no matter what the Shadowhunter tried to do with his hands and mouth.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec walked silently through the bustling command centre, head down conscious not to make eye contact with any of the stressed-looking Shadowhunters as they hurried past him, barking orders about reports and weapons at one another. Alec didn’t want to get pulled into anything; he just wanted to get out of the Institute as quickly as possible. He’d had another run in with Aldertree when he returned from Magnus’s this morning about some patrol reports which apparently didn’t meet Aldertree’s standards. The diplomat snidely stating in front of a packed Ops Centre that as the Head of the New York Institute, Aldertree shouldn’t have to chase a Shadowhunter for such a simple task and if Alec needed help with his reports perhaps he should go back to desk duty. It took all of Alec’s willpower not to smack him down in front of the whole Institute.

 

Instead Alec went straight to the training room and took his frustrations out on a punching bag before rewriting all the reports and leaving them in what was, formerly his mother’s and rightfully should be Alec’s, office. He then returned to his room, packed a bag grabbing everything he could find in five minutes deciding he wouldn’t spend a moment longer in the Institute that necessary.

 

As Alec made his way through the Institute, swinging the heavy duffle bag over his shoulder he began to panic slightly that he may have gone a bit overboard in his hasty packing. Magnus’s suggestion for Alec to keep a few things at the loft was a practical solution; Alec had spent more nights there than the Institute over the past few months it made sense but regardless Alec was happy. The loft felt more like home to Alec every day but as the heavy bag shifted on his shoulder Alec wondered if perhaps he was feeling a little too at home. Alec was about to turn on his heels and go unpack when he heard a pained cry from the across the room and familiar sound of a body hitting the training mat, hard.

 

‘Owwwwwwwwwwwww.’

 

A dismissive grunt followed, ‘Get up grunt, I didn’t hit you that hard.’

 

Alec turned at the sound of his parabatai’s annoyed voice to see Jace standing, kendo stick clutched in hand, staring down angrily at a first year Shadowhunter recruit lying flat on his back, arms clutching his chest in clear pain. Alec took in the rest of the training room scene to see two other bruised and battered recruits in the corner, one pressing an ice pack to his nose. Unable not to, Alec walked towards them, swinging the bag back over his shoulder.

 

‘C’mon worm, I said get up.’ Jace barked slamming the stick so forcefully into the ground the floor shook.

 

‘I…think…I…my ribs are…cracked…’ the recruit replied, by the way he wheezed Alec would say he was right.

 

Jace rolled his eyes, ‘So?’

 

‘I need…a…break…’ the boy stammered rolling onto his side slowly.

 

Jace bent down next to him, a move the Shadowhunter stupidly mistook for help, putting his arm out but Alec knew better. Jace took the Shadowhunter’s outstretched arm and roughly dragged him to his feet, the boy squealing in pain as he found himself face to face with a very angry Jace.

 

‘Do you think demons are going to give you a break?’ he yelled into the boy’s face, his own turning increasingly red, wild blonde hair flying. ‘Do you think the Circle or Valentine will?’

 

‘I…errr…I don’t…’ the boy whined, clearly scared and in pain.

 

‘You fall on your ass fighting them and you’re dead.’ Jace spat. ‘Valentine would rip your heart out in a second.’

 

‘It’s nice to see you imparting your usual wisdom and knowledge to the next generation of Shadowhunters.’ Alec said dryly appearing at Jace’s side.

 

Jace dropped the terrified kid at the sound of Alec’s voice; the boy fell to the floor in a crumbled heap.

 

Jace turned to Alec, his face had lost none of its anger. ‘These aren’t Shadowhunters.’ He spat bitterly looking down at the whimpering boy at his feet. ‘You. Go join useless and more useless over there.’

 

The boy nodded hurriedly and scrambled away, Jace banged the stick again barking at him to move faster causing the boy to practically crawl to the other recruits, all who looked completely terrified of Jace. Alec was surprised at his parabatai, Jace usually had a habit of showing off in front of the young recruits, putting in over the top displays of his fighting or swords skills earning looks of adoration and worship from the ranks. He enjoyed being the hero of the training room and didn’t use trainees as his own personal punching bags.

 

‘Don’t you think you could ease up a little?’ Alec said. ‘They’re barley of out rune class.’

 

‘They need to learn, the world doesn’t give you a break. I did.’ He said coldly. ‘You know what’s coming Alec.’

 

Alec didn’t say anything, Jace was right. A war was coming and if they didn’t find a way to stop Valentine using the Soul Sword horror, devastation and death would consume the Downworld. Magnus’s face flashed in Alec’s mind, a fear unlike any other flooded his body. Alec felt the same fear flood the parabatai bond, and realised Jace’s mind was consumed with his own worries, Clary.

 

‘How’s Clary doing?’ Alec asked. He knew Clary was the reason Jace was back at the Institute, he wanted to be as close as possible. Despite Aldertree’s continued obstruction Jace had barely left in days, volunteering for every menial task going, hence why he was inducting the green new recruits.

 

Jace tensed up at the question, ‘She thinks she’s fine. She has no idea how much danger she’s in, of what Valentine is capable of…he won’t care she’s his daughter.’

 

The pain in his voice told that Jace knew all too well of Valentine’s fatherly skills. Jace shook his head in frustration, moving towards the battered punching bag hanging across the room.

 

‘She’s pissed at me.’ He said hitting the bag with a thud. ‘Said she’s doesn’t need me watching her every minute and told me to back off.’

 

‘I get it, you want to protect her. She’s your family.’ Alec said, realising the gravity of what he’d said as Jace physically tensed up at his words.

 

Alec felt anger, longing and another feeling flash through the bond, one he knew Jace didn’t want to feel any longer but couldn’t help it. Alec felt terrible.

 

‘Jace…if you’ve wanna talk…’ Alec began but Jace scoffed and rolled his eyes. Alec scowled and raised his eyebrows. ‘You can’t keep taking it out on the recruits.’

 

Jace scoffed again as he began slowly but forcefully slamming his fists against the punching bag. ‘Are _you_ seriously talking to me about bottling up emotions?’

 

Alec rolled his eyes but knew his parabatai wasn’t wrong. He felt Jace’s frustration and anger grow through the bond; he was still hurt at the distance between them since the party. Alec also knew despite Jace presence back in the Institute he was still feeling isolated from the other Shadowhunters, the whispers and dark looks about Valentine’s son, the demon blood in his veins followed wherever he went. With Jace near-24 hour bodyguard duty of Clary and Alec’s retreat to Magnus’s they had barely seen each other since the party. Alec knew they needed to talk but as Jace’s fists pounded harder against the bag and he looked at the battered recruits across the room he wasn’t sure this was the best time.

 

So instead he decided to change the subject. ‘Have you seen Izzy?’

 

Jace slowed his fists and shook his head. ‘Not today…or yesterday I don’t think.’

 

Alec frowned, trying to remember the last time he saw his sister, realising he hadn’t seen Izzy since the rune party either; in fact he realised he’d barely seen her for weeks. Jace turned to Alec sensing his concern through the bond.

 

‘Something wrong?’ Jace said.

 

Alec sighed, ‘I’m not sure...guess I just haven’t seen her much lately.’

 

‘There’s a lot of that going around lately.’ Jace muttered though loud enough for Alec to hear before pausing, grabbing the swinging bag in his hands, frowning.

 

‘What is it?’ Alec asked.

 

Jace scowled, ‘I’m not sure…though I heard someone saying Aldertree was looking for her.’

 

‘That can’t be good.’ Alec paused. ‘There is definitely something off with that guy.’

 

‘Ya think?’ Jace scoffed whacking the bag even harder.

 

Alec rolled his eyes, something was going on, maybe he should go and talk to Aldertree? Though after their latest run in this morning Alec wasn’t sure his patience would keep his fists in check a second time.

 

Sensing Alec’s rising anger Jace said, ‘I can keep an eye out, give you a call at Magnus’s if she shows?’

 

Alec frowned, ‘How did you…’ his words trailed off, there was no need to ask Jace why he knew where he’d be.

 

‘Take if you’re heading back there now…’ Jace asked then looked at the huge duffle bag and raising his eyebrows. ‘Or are you officially moving in? Guess it saves you doing the walk of shame every morning.’

 

Alec blushed, trying to look anywhere but at his parabatai and opened his mouth to protest but Jace cut him off.

 

‘I’m kidding Alec, it’s good…you and Magnus…’ he said sincerely his dark mood from before lifting slightly, a genuine half-smile on his face. ‘You seem…happier.’

 

Alec thought about the past few nights with Magnus and knew happy couldn’t even begin to describe what he felt, though he knew his parabatai could likely feel a fraction of it through the bond he wasn’t quite ready to say it aloud yet, even to himself.

 

Instead he replied. ‘I am.’

 

Jace nodded and looked back to the wheezing recruits. ‘Guess I should get back to the snivelling wastes of my time…’ before turning back to Alec, a dark grin on his face. ‘Unless you wanna show these chumps what real a fighter looks like before you go back to playing house?’

 

Alec rolled his eyes at Jace’s joke but couldn’t help but grin at his suggestion’ ‘You sure you wanna get your ass kicked so publicly this early in the morning?’

 

‘Is that right?’ Jace said with a laugh as he grabbed two kendo sticks, tossing one to Alec who caught it instantly before turning back in the direction of their terrified observers. ‘Yo idiots c’mere…’ he yelled before adding more loudly. ‘Now!”

 

The three recruits anxiously edged towards the training mats, looking even more terrified as Alec and Jace stood glaring at them, clutching weapons.

 

‘Now you’re going to see how real warriors fight.’ Jace said with a sly grin.

 

Half an hour later and Alec and Jace had gone a few rounds, each getting in their share of licks and punches on the other. Having trained and fought together for so long they knew each others moves inside out and it made for some interesting bouts, both trying to anticipate the others next moves and use them against the other. ‘The recruits fear had quickly began to fade as they became enthralled by the skilful warrior show, still slightly scared to speak instead they elicited low ooooohs and ahhhhhhhs.  After a while Jace decided they had done enough watching and dragged them to their feet to join in with him and Alec. Alec soon discovered they weren’t completely terrible when not being pummelled and yelled at by Jace, in fact the one Alec was sparring with had some real promise.

 

As Alec showed the recruits fighting techniques, laughed and teased Jace about who was the better fighter he also found he was actually enjoying himself. For the first time in a long time things felt like they were before, him and Jace side by side, he realised now just how much he had missed this.  

 

Alec was unable to stop the smug grin spread across his face as the same runt he had walked in on Jace “training” earlier actually managed to swipe the great Jace Wayland off his feet.

 

‘You ok down there Warrior King?’ Alec yelled from across the room, doing his best not to laugh at the furious look on his parabatai’s face.

 

Jace grumbled something in response Alec couldn’t quite make out except the word “off” as he scrambled to his feet, a dark intent in his eyes. Alec actually felt sorry for the young Shadowhunter knowing he would be in for a world of pain. Chuckling Alec folded his arms as Jace launched himself at the poor kid, yelling he needed to “teach” him and the others about sleeper holds when an unwanted figure appeared.

 

‘Errr Jace?’ Raj asked nervously, his face confused as he watched Jace try to choke out the young trainee.

 

‘What?’ Jace spat pulling his arm back even tighter around the Shadowhutner’s neck, Alec winced at the pain etched on the kids face. He’d been victim to Jace’s sleeper hold more times than he’d care to admit, Jace had a nasty habit of almost dislocating his partners shoulders to get them to tap out.

 

‘So I was watching Clary like you said…’ Raj began.

 

Alec shot Jace a dark look, raising his eyebrow, not that he was truly surprised.

 

‘What?’ Jace asked. ‘She said _I_ couldn’t get within twenty feet of her…she said nothing about Raj.’

 

‘No one ever does.’ Alec mumbled rolling his eyes.

 

Raj shot Alec a dark look as the young Shadowhunter continued to struggle in Jace’s hold, for a second it looked as though he might actually break free until Jace swivelled his arm back, the intense scream that followed told them he was close to cracking the bone.

 

‘Whatever.’ Raj winced. ‘So I was watching her room, all stealthy like you said, I totally was but she was in there for _hours_ and _hours_ colouring in her stupid little drawings…’

 

Jace actually growled up at Raj who, despite the fact Jace was clearly occupied and could do little damage to Raj, still physically stepped backwards.

 

‘I mean her amazing art…work…things.’ Raj mumbled as Alec rolled his eyes again. ‘Anyway nothing happened for agessssss, and I hadn’t had any breakfast and only three cups of coffee so I thought it’d be ok. I mean no one…’

 

‘Spit it out Raj!’ Jace roared getting frustrated as everyone did with Raj’s inability to communicate a simple sentence in less than 100 words.

 

‘Well I err…went to make a sandwich…and Clary…’ Raj stammered. ‘she err…’

 

‘Raj!’

 

‘She’s gone.’ Raj said eyes darting to the floor like a scolded child.

 

‘What!’ Jace yelled even louder, almost ripping the young Shadowhunter’s arm out of the socket. ‘Where. Did. She. Go?’

 

‘Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.’ The boy cried, totally ignored by Jace.

 

Seeing the horrendous pain etched on the young recruits face Raj looked as though he wanted to do anything else than answer Jace’s question right now, and Alec was pretty sure he knew why.

 

‘Well one of the guards said…they saw…’ Raj stammered before saying the final sentence in one terrified breath. ‘Clary-was-going-to-see-her-vampire-boyfriend.’

 

Alec shut his eyes, wincing as he head the young Shadowhunter’s arm break in Jace’s hold as Raj practically yelled the last two words. Alec grabbed his bag and swung it over his shoulder, it was most definitely time to go back to Magnus’s.

 

* * *

 

 

‘Oh for the love of…’ Magnus grumbled as he tossed the scroll down, another dead end and after hours his already tired mind was growing frustrated. Magnus had gone through volumes and volumes of mystical texts, grimoires and ancient scrolls but had found nothing. Not that he was surprised, any recorded contact with an angel, let alone direct communication with one was beyond rare.

 

In truth Magnus didn’t even know what it was he was looking for and that was all the more frustrating. He felt helpless and he hated it, however the fear and frustration he felt paled in comparison to the anger he felt towards the Clave. Magnus wasn’t surprised about the truth about what the Soul Sword could do but he was surprised they had been able to keep it a secret for so long. The Mortal Instruments had always been shrouded in secrecy, and the Clave played that to their advantage, always. Magnus wondered how many Downworlder’s had discovered the truth over the centuries and what terrible price they had been forced to pay for their silence. Ever since Valentine had resurfaced Magnus had tried to do all he could to protect the Warlocks and Downworlders, they were the closest thing he had to family. The idea they could be wiped out in an instance made him feel sick.

 

Magnus knew the Claves reasoning that the Sword was the ultimate weapon to protect the world if it became overran by demons, sounded plausible, a necessary means for the greater good but Magnus had lived long enough to know the truth.

 

For decades Magnus had done his best to stay out of Shadowhunter politics, only dealing with the Nephilim when absolutely necessary, usually involving Magnus’s service in exchanged for payment. Magnus remembered years of wary and disdained filled looks, derogatory or bigoted comments and instances of unprovoked attacks. It took Magnus a long time but he finally understood why, they were afraid of him. The Shadoworld feared the Downworld immensely for the Downworld possessed a power that the Nephilim could never understand. Over time confusion turned to fear which turned to hate and the two worlds drove further and further apart.

 

With all that had happened over the past few months Magnus had almost forgotten that truth, ever since Alec Lightwood walked into Pandemonium many months ago Magnus’s whole world had turned upside down.

 

Alec didn’t see Magnus the way so many Shadowhunter’s, including his own parents’, had before. To Alec he wasn’t just Magnus Bane, High Warlock of Brooklyn, summoned to do the Nephilim’s bidding, casting spells, raising wards and responding to the Clave’s every whim. Though Magnus was growing slightly tiresome of continually saving Clary’s life every other week.

 

When Alec looked at Magnus he didn’t see distrust, fear or hatred in his eyes, Alec didn’t treat Magnus like he was beneath him, something to be watched and treated with caution. Alec looked at Magnus in a way no one had before, for a while Magnus forgot the Shadoworld and Downworld existed. Sometimes, when he was lost in Alec’s arms, despite all his fears and moral duty to protect his kin, for all Magnus cared every other universe could burn to the ground.

 

Though he knew Alec didn’t hold the Clave’s view, the truth of the Soul Sword was a stark reminder they were in fact from, and protecting different worlds.  The Sword was a painful reminder of what the Clave truly thought of the Downworld, it was something to be feared, controlled and if it came to it destroyed.

 

With a tired yawn, Magnus lent back against the couch and rested his eyes, trying to push his fears and angers from his mind, instead willing his mind to focus on happier things. There was only one thing which filled his thoughts, Alec. Magnus let his mind drift through the exquisite memories of the past few nights, the feel of Alec’s body joined with his so perfectly, feeling his skin grow warm as the images of Alec played through his mind. Magnus was so lost in his blissful memories he didn’t hear the clicking off the loft door open or the soft thuds of boots on the ground. It was only when he felt familiar but always wanted lips brush against his own did he realise he was no longer alone.

 

‘Mmmmmmm.’ He sighed against Alec’s mouth, causing the Shadowhunter to deepen this kiss.

 

Magnus blinked his eyes open to find beautiful deep hazel ones staring down upon him.

 

‘Hey.’ Alec said, voice low, slightly breathless.

 

‘Hey back.’ Magnus answered smiling unable to stop himself.

 

He sat up, tucking his legs underneath him Alec sat in their place beside him, his strong arms instinctively stretching out across the Warlock’s thighs, fingers lightly tracing across the denim of his jeans.

 

‘How’d things go with Aldertree?’ Magnus asked, though he was sure of the outcome. 

 

Alec grunted and rolled his eyes confirming Magnus’s thoughts. ‘Man’s an imbecile.’

 

Magnus chuckled, more at Alec’s vocabularic restraint, recently having heard him refer to his superior in much more colourful language, when his eyes caught the large and clearly well-packed duffle bag at Alec’s feet.

 

‘My, my Alexander did you leave _anything_ behind at the Institute?’ he teased quirking an eyebrow, his grin falling as Alec suddenly tensed beside him.

 

Alec’s eyes darted to the floor and his hands instantly pulled away from Magnus’s legs, instead nervously reaching for the strap of the bag.

 

‘I err…well I didn’t…’ he stammered, Magnus could literally hear the panicked cogs turning in his mind. ‘you said…I didn’t mean, I’m sorry…’

 

Magnus felt terrible instantly at the mortified look on Alec’s face. He felt Alec’s body inch forward and saw his hands tighten their grip on the bag, clearly preparing to flee. Magnus lent forward and reached for his hands.

 

‘I’m sorry Alec, that was a joke…’ he said soothingly.

 

Alec looked at him but Magnus could still see the uncertainty in his eyes, Magnus squeezed his hands reassuringly.

 

‘…a bad one.’ He said softly smiling, relieved when Alec smiled back, his shoulders visibly relaxing.

 

‘Are you sure Magnus?’ he asked, nerves still in his voice.

 

Magnus edged his body closer, pressing close to Alec’s side, his breath hot at Alec’s ear. ‘The drawers all yours Alec…for as long as you want it.’

 

 _Forever?_ Alec asked in his head but instead answered Magnus with his lips once more, pushing the Warlock back against the couch. As always the kiss grew heated, Magnus felt Alec’s hand grasp at his narrow waist, digging in hard, twisting their bodies so they were perfectly lined against one another. Magnus could feel Alec already hardening against him and moaned, letting himself get lost in the feel of Alec’s touch, the taste of his kiss. Magnus felt Alec’s hand move between them, torturously brushing over the growing bulge in Magnus’s jeans causing him to let out a low groan, feeling the Shadowhunter smirk against his mouth.

 

Alec still had his jacket on, the collar scratched roughly at Magnus’s jaw; a voice in his head told him to quickly rid Alec of the thing, along with all his other clothes. But then another voice spoke up, the one which had been quietly waiting since the party, growing louder each day. Despite how badly Magnus wanted Alec he knew they needed to talk. Alec’s hands moved upwards, fingers reaching for Magnus’s belt. Despite every part of his body screaming at him not to, Magnus clamped his hand over Alec’s whilst simultaneously breaking the kiss.

 

‘How about I make us some drinks?’ Magnus stammered breathlessly as he wriggled himself free from Alec’s huge frame, though half of his head telling him to turn around and jump straight back into the Shadowhunter’s arms.

 

Alec stared at Magnus with a confused look as the Warlock made his way towards the bar.

 

‘Quit your pouting Shadowhunter, not everyone has a stamina rune.’ Magnus teased, trying to even out his breathing, not letting his mind think about the taste of Alec’s runes under his tongue.

 

Thankfully Alec laughed in response and stretched himself out across the couch, Magnus allowed himself a quick look back, seeing a flash of Alec’s delicious abs as he sweater rode up and quickly looked away. Magnus distracted his mind as he set about making their drinks, deciding on nothing too strong as he needed a clear head to talk to Alec and knew alcohol would do little to keep his willpower together. Behind him Alec cast his eye over the array of books and papers scattered across the table.

 

‘Any luck on finding your spell book? Or the demon in Clary’s vision?’ he asked.

 

‘Afraid not.’ Magus responded as he poured various liquid into his cocktail shaker. ‘I’ve got a few Warlock contacts I can try; I have an old colleague in Africa who is excellent at tracking spells. Any update from the Clave?’

 

‘Not that I would know.’ Alec mumbled, clearly thinking about his most recent run-in with Aldertree. ‘I thought Izzy might have some updated intel but I couldn’t find her.’

 

Alec’s tone was off; Magnus looked over to see a thoughtful, concerned look his face. It was true Isabelle had been rather absent lately, Magnus remembered seeing her for the briefest of moments at the rune party and before that the last time he had seen her had been at The Hunters Moon. Something had been off that night but Magnus couldn’t put his finger on what. He decided, looking at the concerned look on Alec’s face, now was not the time to voice his concerns, himself not even knowing what they truly were. Perhaps he’d reach out to Izzy himself, perhaps whatever was causing her to isolate herself was something she didn’t want to share with her brothers. Magnus wondered if perhaps she had a secret beau, how exciting Magnus thought, forbidden romance was always filled with such scintillating details. Making a mental note to call Izzy for a cocktail later Magnus returned his attentions to his own invention.

 

Alec sighed and smacked his hands against his thighs. ‘For now protocol remains in place, try and find Valentine, keep up the patrols, protect the Downworld.’

 

Unable to stop himself Magnus let out a dismissive snort as he shook the metal shaker in his hands. ‘Yes because the Clave is _so_ concerned in protecting us Downworlders.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Alec asked, a confused look upon his face.

 

Magnus knew he should let it go, he did not want to get into an argument with Alec, especially now, about Clave politics but he couldn’t help himself.

 

He turned back to Alec, cocktail shaker in hand. ‘The Clave aren’t worried about protecting the Downworld Alec, their worried about what the Downworld will do now they…we know the truth about the sword…’ Magnus paused, knowing he should stop but unable to. ‘And they’re right to be. If the Downworld had known the truth about the Sword there would have been an Uprising centuries ago. ‘

 

‘Why?’ Alec asked, seemingly shocked at Magnus’s words.

 

Magnus put the shaker down, surprised at Alec’s question.

 

‘Alexander, the Clave created a weapon that was capable of wiping out all Downworlders and knowingly kept it a secret for a millennia.’ Magnus said seriously. ‘I’ve lived through my share of wars Alec but believe me the threat of extinction is enough to scare even me.’

 

Alec said nothing in response, his face serious, clearly thinking over Magnus’s words. Magnus sighed and turned back to the bar, resuming his cocktail creating.

 

‘Let’s not talk about more about politics Alec.’ Magnus said trying to keep his voice light, furious at himself for derailing his discussion with Alec before it even began. He poured two neon orange drinks into martini glasses and flinched, not even sure himself what he’d put in them.

 

‘Now Alec, I won’t be offended if you say no to my latest invention. Admittedly it doesn’t seem to be my best work…blame it on sleep deprivation, or should I say blame you…’ Magnus began turning back to Alec, hoping to bring things back to a lighter moment between them but instead found Alec was no longer there.

 

Confused Magnus looked around; terrified Alec had left but instead saw him standing on the balcony staring out into the New York dusk. Magnus set the drinks down and silently walked to him, the busy sound of the city traffic filled his ears as he moved closer. Alec didn’t acknowledge Magnus presence.

 

‘How many Downworlder’s do you think live in New York?’ Alec asked, still looking straight ahead at the city.

 

‘I don’t know.’ Magnus response, cursing himself.

 

He set his hands on the hard concrete, casting a quick side glance at Alec, feeling terrible he let his own anger and frustrations about the Clave takeover. He knew Alec didn’t hold the Clave’s view, Alec had proven that countless times over, protecting those that couldn’t protect themselves, Mundanes, Shadowhunters, Downworlders Alec didn’t care, he protected the innocent.

 

‘But they’re not all your responsibility.’ Magnus added.

 

Alec finally looked at him, his face stern, eyebrows set in a frown and Magnus braced himself for what would likely be a tense exchange about the solemn duty of Shadowhunters. But as Magnus was quickly learning, what Alec said next surprised him completely.

 

‘But you are.’

 

It was a statement, said with absolute certainty and one Magnus knew was not to be questioned, not that he wanted to. He couldn’t help but smile at Alec’s words, looking back at the city. Despite the soaring feeling in his heart Magnus did not want Alec to feel that burden.

 

‘I can take care of myself.’ Magnus said softly, cupping his hands on the stone.

 

‘Maybe but this is different.’ Alec said, Magnus’s words about annihilation and uprisings playing over in his mind. ‘You may have lived through the fall of Rome but even the dark ages couldn’t have been this dark.’

 

Alec’s voice was so tired and drained; he knew the worse was still to come. Magnus cursed himself again for bringing all of this up in the first place, he wanted to lessen the worries on Alec’s mind not make things worse. Standing here now Magnus realised this was the first time they’d been out here together since the party. Magnus knew now was his chance to say what he’d needed to so badly for the past few days.

 

‘Alexander…’ he began turning his body towards Alec, it was now or never. ‘I know things may seem bleak but nothing was as devastating as seeing you on that ledge.’

 

Alec turned his body to Magnus, trying to keep his face relaxed and normal but Magnus could see the anxiety in his eyes.

 

‘It was the magic…’ Alec protested. ‘I would never…never…’

 

‘I know.’ Magnus said, though he was not sure he was being truthful. ‘I know.’

 

A silence fell between them for a moment; Alec looked down, unable to bear the weight of Magnus’s gaze.

 

‘But magic can’t create fears.’ Magnus continued. ‘Only bring them out.’

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec looked up; his tone was dismissive but not rude. Magnus knew he just desperately wanted this conversation to be over. Magnus doesn’t want to push Alec but he needs to say this, just once.

 

‘You don’t have to explain yourself. I’ve been through it myself.’ Magnus said softly, his eyes look off into the distance of the busy city remembering that dark windy London night. Magnus remembered how it felt standing on that bridge, as though he had nothing left, he was worth nothing, it tears him apart to think of Alec feeling that way.

 

Magnus swallowed, taking a deep breath. ‘Just promise me you’ll tell me, if things ever get that bad.’

 

Alec gives a small nod, his tell for when he couldn’t quite find the words. Instead he shifted uncomfortably where he stood, looking at Magnus, an wary look in his eyes as though he wants to say something but is not sure how. Magnus feels it to, the words hanging unsaid between them like a cure.

 

Magnus wants to kiss him so badly, his body edges forward but stops as he hears the heart-sinking sound of the loft door opening, knowing it can only be one person. They both turn to see Jace and Clary rushing towards them, as usual panicked looks on their faces.

 

Magnus rolls his eyes and walks towards the living room, ‘Don’t you people have phones?’


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi guys so trying to stick with my new plan and gt all the chapters up before 2B starts...things are getting in to a bit more Malec angsty territory as we're bang in the middle of 2.09 now and I still wanted to do a bit more digging into the Jocelyn death. I still think that is something huge for Alex to deal with and takes longer than one episode in my view!
> 
> thanks for everyone who has stuck with this story and for your continued lovely comments!

* * *

 

Alec watched Magnus pace back and forth, speaking animatedly on the phone in a language Alec had never heard before. Jace and Clary had left some time ago; they had gone to the docks to meet with Luke and try to find Madzie before the _Cherbolie_ curse spread. As always Alec was completely mesmerised by the Warlock, the way he moved, the sound of his voice. Despite the fact he knew Magnus was having an intense and serious conversation Alec couldn’t help but be turned on, the way Magnus’s tongue rolled over the exotic sounding words was absolutely intoxicating. However any inappropriate thoughts forming in Alec’s mind quickly faded by the intense worry and fear etched into Magnus’s beautiful features, whatever he was being told was clearly not good news. After a few more moments of pacing Magnus hung up the phone, hanging his head with a sigh.

 

‘I take it your friend couldn’t help?’ Alec asked.

 

Magnus turned to Alec, his face serious. ‘It seems not.’

 

Magnus twirled the phone between his ringed fingers. Magnus was nervous, Alec could tell and it made him more anxious, he was so used to Magnus being calm, together, strong. Until now Alec didn’t think there was anything Magnus couldn’t do.

 

‘Odunlade is one of the most powerful tracking Warlock’s I’ve ever known, but even with all his power there’s no trace of Madzie or my spell book.’ Magnus continued a frustrated tone in his voice. ‘Valentine has to be using some of my more powerful spells to block _all_ magic…god knows what else he’s planning.’

 

‘Magnus…your spell book…what’s…’ Alec began, not sure how to phrase his next question, he didn’t want to upset Magnus further. ‘How dangerous is it?’

 

Magnus said nothing for a moment, then sat beside Alec.

 

‘Alexander, that book contains some of my most powerful incantations.’ He said seriously as he stared in Alec’s eyes, which held a more difficult question the Shadowhunter didn’t want to ask. ‘I won’t lie to you Alec; there is dark magic in that book that in the wrong hands…could have devastating consequences.’

 

Alec sat quietly for a moment, thinking over Magnus’s words in his mind, sometimes he forgot just how powerful Magnus truly was. He cast his eyes down, glancing at the perfectly painted hands resting in Magnus’s nap, nails today a dark forest green which Alec always loved. The same hands that had touched Alec’s skin with such pleasure and tenderness but Alec also knew held a magic and power with devastating potential. He had to admit it was both thrilling and a little frightening at the same time.

 

Magnus noticed the shift in Alec, the slight flash of fear in his eyes as Magnus spoke of the potential power of the book. He understood Alec’s worries, he was right to be afraid but a part of Magnus still felt a sting of hurt. He never wanted Alec to fear him or his magic. He knew Alec didn’t view him the way other Shadowunters did Magnus also knew he could not erase years of Shadowhunter training in the few months they had spent together, despite how amazing they might have been.

 

Alec still hadn’t spoken, or even looked at Magnus; instead his eyes had been fixed on Magnus’s hands. Magnus felt a nervous ache in the pit of his stomach, fidgeting beside Alec, his collar felt incredibly tight, he couldn’t bear the silence for another moment.

 

‘I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried every spell and contact I have.’ He said with a sigh, tossing his phone on the table, staring down at it. ‘I’m sorry Alec.’

 

Alec looked up at Magnus hearing the anger in his voice, self-anger. Magnus blamed himself for what had happened, for the book being taken, for Iris’s curse, for not being able to stop Valentine. But Alec knew the truth.

 

Alec turned away once more before softly saying, ‘This is all my fault.’

 

Magnus snapped his head to Alec, though his eyes were now fixed on the floor the Warlock saw the flash of fear gone, now replaced by intense sadness.

 

Magnus was beyond confused, ‘Alec in what way is any of this your fault?’

 

‘Clary only ever went to see Iris in the first place because of what happened to Joc…to her mother…because of what _I_ did.’ Alec replied softly, still keeping his eyes down, his voice wavered slightly as he struggled to admit aloud the thing that had haunted him for weeks. ‘If it wasn’t for what happened…for me…none of this would be happening. Clary would never have made the blood-oath, Madzie wouldn’t have been taken…if I hadn’t been tricked by Iris’s spell at the party…you would never have needed your spell-book…if I hadn’t gone to that stupid roof…’

 

Magnus couldn’t believe what he was hearing; he reached out for Alec’s shaking hands.

 

‘Look at me Alec.’ He said sterner than he intended, he wasn’t angry at Alec but there was a rage boiling inside him he wasn’t sure he could contain. As Alec finally looked to him Magnus saw tears brimming in his hazel eyes and Magnus nearly lost it. ‘None of this is your fault. The book, Madzie, Clary…Jocelyn…’ he said firmly, Alec closed his eyes at the mention of her name. ‘None of it is your fault.’

 

The tears Alec so desperately wanted to hold back threatened to spill forth at Magnus’s words and so once more Alec turned from him, shaking his head.

 

‘I let the demon in Magnus.’ His voice trembled as he tried not to let himself break apart completely as the memory of that night burned in his mind. ‘I let it possess me…’

 

Magnus practically tugged Alec’s body, forcing the Shadowhunter to face him.

 

‘Alec you didn’t let the demon in. Valentine sent it to the Institute, the same way he manipulated Jace and Hodge and Dot and a hundred other poor souls over the decades to do his twisted will.’ Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand in his, a little harder than needed, almost painful but he needed to make Alec listen to him. ‘Valentine did this. He did all of this. All the pain, suffering…and death leads back to Valentine.’

 

Alec was practically trembling where he sat, a part of him, the rational strategy minded voice in his head told him Magnus was right but it didn’t change the pain in his heart. Alec looked to Magnus, not able to bear the weight of the pity and understanding in his eyes Alec tugged hand free.

 

‘No…I did it...’ Alec stammered.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus said his voice no more than a whisper.

 

‘I can’t make it stop Magnus…the pain…’ Alec’s voice was near sobbing now, eyes fixed on his hands, he could still feel Jocelyn’s blood on his fingers. ‘What I did…I can’t stop…I see her face…hear her screams…’

 

‘Alexander.’ Magnus repeated, unsure what else he could say.

 

Alec looked up. ‘I killed Jocelyn.’ He said, voice so quiet Magnus barely heard.

 

It was the first time he had ever actually said the words out loud, as he uttered them the tears he tried to fight fell freely. Magnus had no words, he simply let Alec speak; how own heart ached as he watched his beautiful angel break.

 

‘No matter what anyone says, I killed her…’ Alec looked to his hands. ‘I killed her…I killed…’ his words trailed off, quickly becoming wild sobs as he threw his head into his hands.

 

Unable to watch and not touch him, try to comfort him, Magnus reached out and pulled Alec to his chest. Alec finally broke, letting all the pain and hurt he had kept inside him for weeks go, he turned his body inwards, practically clinging to Magnus’s chest, too far gone in his pain to feel any shame. Magnus held Alec tight in his arms, letting the sobs fall, knowing there was nothing he could say to make the pain any less. Offering the only comfort he could Magnus moved his hands slowly, tracing Alec’s back, arms, stroking through his hair, trying to soothe his broken soul.

 

After a time Alec’s pained cries began to slow, he kept his body pinned to Magnus’s.

 

‘Does it ever go away…the pain?’ he asked, his words still quiet but vibrating against Magnus chest.

 

Magnus continued his movements, running his hands through Alec’s soft tresses, which even before tonight had quickly become one of Magnus’s favourite things to do in the whole world. He paused for a moment, unsure of how best to answer, deciding as always to tell Alec the truth.

 

‘No Alec, it doesn’t go away, it’s always there but…’ he paused. ‘…you learn how to move on…how to live with it.’

 

‘What if I can’t?’ Alec murmured.

 

Magnus closed his eyes, unable to comprehend the horror of Alec’s words, the memory of the balcony burned in his mind. He roughly took Alec’s face in his hands, resting his forehead against the Shadowhunters.

 

‘You’re not alone Alec…I’m here.’ Magnus whispered pressing his lips lightly against Alec’s, echoing the Shadowhunter’s own declaration to him from a few nights before. ‘I’m here.’

 

Alec shook his head as though despite the fact that Magnus was right in front of him, touching him, Alec still couldn’t believe him.

 

‘I don’t…I don’t deserve…’ Alec’s words fell in broken sobs Magnus could barely make them out.

 

‘Alexander...’ Magnus tried to keep his voice soft but Alec shrugged himself free from Magnus’s hold.

 

‘After what I did…I deserve to stuffer…I deserve pain, I don’t deserve to be…happy…’ Alec stammered, his eyes burned with the guilt and shame that had raged inside him and Magnus finally understood.

 

Magnus knew Alec had struggled since Jocelyn’s death, he assumed the guilt that Alec felt was due to his part, no matter the truth of why it happened. He knew Alec was suffering from survivor’s guilt, the shame and pain he felt knowing Jocelyn had lost her life and Jace and Clary had lost their mother. But now Magnus realised the guilt ran much deeper.

 

‘I feel so ashamed…’ Alec murmured, ‘After what I did I should be…but I’m not…I’m happier than I’ve been in my whole life…’ Alec barely managed to get the words out. He looked to Magnus. ‘Magnus, when I’m with you…I feel…’

 

Magnus pulled him closer, he knew exactly what Alec was trying to say as he felt the same.

 

‘You make me happy too Alec.’ he whispered. ‘Happier than I’ve been in a lifetime.’

 

‘I’m scared Magnus.’ Alec said. ‘I’m scared something will happen, to us…to you…I don’t know what I’d do…’

 

Magnus cut his words off with another kiss, harder this time, desperate to silence his lover’s fears. Magnus knew the fear he felt, it was the same that blazed within Magnus when he saw Alec standing on that balcony.

 

‘I’m here Alec.’ Magnus repeated. ‘I’m not going anywhere Alec.’

 

Alec felt so overwhelmed, his heart and soul physically ached. Alec had opened up and shared more with Magnus than anyone before, Magnus had seen him naked, seen him brought to the edge but Alec had never felt more exposed than he did in this moment. Yet Alec wasn’t afraid, he wanted to give Magnus more, he wanted to give Magnus everything, his trust, his body, his soul, Alec wanted to give himself to Magnus. Alec had thought about sex a lot since being with Magnus, discovering a whole world he knew thought he’d be able to experience and it was incredible. Alec knew the euphoria and pleasures he had felt over the past few days of being with Magnus, being inside Magnus, it was more amazing than he could ever have imagined. Magnus had been honest with Alec from the start about what he enjoyed but he had never pressured Alec into anything he wasn’t ready for. Instead Magnus gave his trust and body to Alec completely.

 

Alec had thought about what he wanted, even more since the night of the party. The idea of Magnus taking him completely, being inside him was exciting and terrifying at the same time, Alec had still been so unsure. But as he looked at Magnus now, in this moment Alec knew he trusted Magnus with every part of himself, he wanted this, he was ready.

 

Alec moved forward slowly unable to stop himself, drawn to Magnus as always like a magnet. He heard a breath escape Magnus’s lips before Alec crashed his lips upon him, kissing him hard and rough. Alec’s hands moved to cup Magnus’s face, drawing him closer as he tongued pushed into the Warlock’s mouth, causing him to moan.

 

Despite the fire rising inside him Magnus broke away, ‘Alexander…’ he stammered through ragged breath, trying to calm his voice, to reason with Alec.

 

‘Magnus…please…’ Alec’s own voice was desperate but not lost or pained as before, but filled with need and desire. Magnus looked into Alec’s eyes and saw absolutely certainty. ‘I…need you.’

 

Magnus felt Alec’s lips brush over his and let himself melt into the kiss, unable to do anything else. This kiss was different; it started softer than before but soon became frantic, bruising, fast and needy, tongues desperately stroking the other. Alec pushed Magnus’s body backwards, covering it with his own, groaning as he moved his lips down the column of Magnus’s neck, kissing, licking, biting, sucking. The Warlock knew his skin would likely be bruised but he didn’t care, he’d bare Alec’s mark like his own rune.

 

Magnus moaned at Alec’s actions, hands delving back into Alec’s hair, wrapping his legs around the Shadowhunter’s waist, drawing his body closer as Alec ground himself against the Warlock, growing impossibly hard. Alec’s eager hands are already there, cupping Magnus through his jeans eliciting a wild growl from the Warlocks lips. Magnus felt Alec smile against his lips as the Shadowhunter’s expert fingers moved to his belt buckle, looping a finger under the soft leather tugging it open. Suddenly Magnus felt a powerful vibration against his hip, instantly followed by the sound of Alec’s ringtone filling the room.

 

Alec broke his lips from Magnus, hands delving into his jean pocket silencing the phone instantly, not even bothering to look at who it was before tossing it down on the table beside Magnus’s.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus breathed, heart thundering in his chest. ‘Maybe we should…’

 

‘I don’t want to stop.’ Alec said firmly, shrugging his jacket off quickly before pressing his body back to Magnus’s.

 

A voice in Alec’s head screamed this was wrong, years of training and duty had programmed him to respond instantly to any call and report for duty. He knew he should, especially now with Clary’s curse but Alec couldn’t stop. He wanted Magnus, needed him, more than he’d wanted anything before, Alec was terrified if he stopped now he might not feel this brave again.

 

Lips met lips once more, Magnus’s hands stroking desperately at the hard plains of Alec’s back beneath his sweater as the Shadowhunter’s own set back to work on Magnus’s belt, hurriedly tugging it open, along with his zipper before any further interruption could stop him. Alec knew he was being frantic as his hands slipped into the waist of Magnus’s jeans, practically tearing them open but he was so desperate. Suddenly Magnus’s phone sprang to life on the table, rattling loudly beside Alec’s discarded one. Alec didn’t even bother speaking, answering the question he knew Magnus was thinking by shoving his tongue into the Warlock’s mouth as his hand thrust inside his boxers letting the phone ring out. Alec’s hand wrapped around Magnus’s dick, rock hard and thick for him, Alec’s own dick was painfully hard, bursting against his pants, he ground himself against Magnus. Alec loved the feel of Magnus in his hand, the taste of him on his tongue and now he craved all of him.

 

Magnus moaned against Alec’s mouth, the Warlock’s talented tongue which had sounded so delicious to Alec’s ears earlier warring with his own, Alec bit his bottom lip in response. They broke apart for a moment, Alec’s hands still working Magnus beautifully, growing impossibly even thicker in his hold. Alec rested his forehead against Magnus’s, both their skins were on fire, blazing with want and desire for the other.

 

‘I want you Magnus…’ Alec heard the words but struggled to recognise the voice as his own, low and full of lust. Alec didn’t know what had come over him, usually too anxious and unsure to admit aloud what he wanted. ‘I want you insi…’

 

Before Alec could finish a flash of red and orange light erupted beside them, Alec felt the blast of heat and jumped back, separating himself from Magnus. Alec brought a hand to shield his eyes as the fire message burned before him, chest heaving, heart pounding, he reached for it, scanning the text quickly. He was sure to keep his eyes fixed on the message but couldn’t help watching Magnus from the corner of his eye as the Warlock slowly sat up, straightening his dishevelled clothes, quickly fastening his jeans. Alec saw Magnus run his hands over his lips where Alec’s hand been only seconds before.

 

‘It’s from Jace.’ Alec croaked his voice hoarse now. ‘Clary’s been attacked…by Maia…’

 

‘What?’ Magnus asked incredulously leaning in to read the message over Alec’s shoulder.

 

Alec shuddered at his movements, Magnus was so close, too close, all Alec wanted to do was toss the message aside and lose himself in the feel of Magnus’s body but he knew he couldn’t. The voice in his head that called for him to do his duty could no longer be silence, despite how badly his heart and body tried to silence it. For the briefest, almost blissful moment Alec forgot they were at war.

 

‘I should go back to the Institute….’ He said, dropping the paper. ‘I need to find Izzy.’

 

‘Of course.’ Magnus replied.

 

Alec knew he should go, he needed to go but he couldn’t, he stayed beside Magnus, desperately drawing out the moment. Magnus said nothing, sat still and silent, cat-like beside him. A million thoughts were running through Alec’s mind, Jace, Clary and Magnus…how he’d been so lost in the Warlock’s arms only moments before…how he’d been so desperate, so ready.

 

As always sensing the internal struggle in Alec Magnus reached for his hand, his voice soothing. ‘Alec…’

 

‘I’m ok.’ Alec responded instantly though he wasn’t sure that word quite expressed what it was he was feeling right now. ‘I…’

 

It all felt like a blur, Alec felt like his head was still spinning and couldn’t quite catch his breath. He opened his mouth to say something, anything else, there was only one thought, three words, thundering louder than everything else but Alec was too afraid, any courage he might have had was now lost. Instead he turned to Magnus, intertwining their fingers and kissed him, pouring everything he couldn’t say now into the kiss.

 

‘I should go.’ Alec whispered when they finally broke apart.

 

Magnus nodded, following Alec as he stood up, remaining hand in hand, not wanting to let the Shadowhunter go just yet. Alec grabbed his jacket with his free hand as they moved towards the door.

 

‘Alexander…wait.’ Magnus said, now he was the one afraid, but of what he could not say for certain. ‘be careful.’

 

A faint smile danced across Alec’s lips as he bent his head, kissing Magnus softly this time, just for a moment, resting his forehead against the Warlock.

 

‘I’ll be home soon.’ Alec whispered.

 

Magnus watched Alec go and felt as though a part of him was gone as well. He was scared; he couldn’t shake a horrible feeling of dread inside. He traced his hands over his lips, the way he always did after Alec’s kiss, loving how bruised and marked they felt. Magnus moved back to the living room and saw Alec’s huge duffle bag tucked beside the couch, smiling to himself, deciding to put it in its rightful place in his bedroom, on what had quickly become Alec’s side of the bed. As he bent to pick it up his phone sprang to life once more, his face fell into a frown as he noticed the caller.

 

‘Luke?’ he asked. ‘Is this about Clary and Maia, I already know…oh I see…have you contacted the vampire and Seelie dignitaries?’ Magnus paused as the pack leader spoke hurriedly on the other end of the line. ‘Fine I shall be there to represent the Warlock’s. Hunters Moon, 6 o’clock.’

 

 

* * *

 

 

Alec shoved the heavy Institute doors open, not caring how much noise he made, he was trying to focus his mind on his important goal; find Izzy, help Jace, save Clary but he couldn’t concentrate. The whole journey back he couldn’t get Magnus out of his head, about what happened and almost just happened between them.

 

Alec thought of the way he broke down completely in front of Magnus, letting out all the pain and fears he struggled with for weeks but found he didn’t feel ashamed. Alec had been terrified if he said it to Magnus, admitted what he’d done, what he felt Magnus would finally see the weakness and ugliness within and Alec would finally lose him.

 

But Magnus, incredible, powerful, beautiful Magnus hadn’t turned away. The guilt and pain over Jocelyn’s death was still there, he knew Magnus was right when he said it would never go away but he no longer felt afraid, he felt free, thanks to Magnus. Magnus had held Alec in his arms, soothed him instead of judging him, saved him instead of rejecting him, loved…Alec tried to push the thought from his mind but the word roared within, the say way it had desperately burned in his throat tonight. Despite what they had shared tonight and the certainty of what Alec felt for Magnus he was still afraid, terrified once it said it aloud he’d never be able to take it back. If he lost Magnus he knew he wouldn’t survive it.

 

It was another reason Alec was so ready to finally give all of himself to Magnus tonight, he may still have been too much of a coward to say what he truly felt but he could give Magnus his body and soul completely. Maybe that was all he could give.

 

Alec hated leaving Magnus the way he had but his duty to his calling and his family was too important, he needed to help Jace. He only hoped he would be home soon. Alec knew now home was no longer the Institute or even the loft but wherever Magnus was.

 

Alec shook his head, trying to focus on the mission at hand as he headed towards the Ops Centre, scanning desperately for a sign of his sister but Izzy was not there. Annoyed Alec reached out grabbing the arm of the first Shadowhunter that dashed past him, a young blonde girl Alec recognised as another of the new recruits from Idris.

 

‘You.’ He said, not even bothering to pretend he knew her name though clearly by her terrified reaction she knew who Alec was. He assumed therefore she would also know Izzy. ‘Have you seen my sister?’

 

‘I…errr…your…’ the girl stammered nervously. Perhaps Jace’s interaction with the trainees this morning had spread across the Institute, she looked absolutely terrified.

 

Alec rolled his eyes, ‘Yes, Izzy. Isabelle Lightwood. Where is she?’

 

‘She isn’t here.’ the girl responded quietly, knowing from another furious roll of his eyes it was not what Alec wanted to hear. ‘She left a few hours ago.’

 

‘Where did she go?’ Alec barked.

 

‘I don’t know….’ The girl stammered growing more nervous as Alec grew more exasperated. ‘Director Aldertree was speaking with her earlier…he may have sent her some…’

 

Alec didn’t even bother to listen to the end of her sentence, he’d heard enough. Of course Aldertree would be involved in this, whatever this was. With a rough growl, partly due to his anger over whatever Aldertree had done to Izzy but also as the young recruit referred to the bastard as Director, Alec turned on his heels, marching towards his mother’s old office.

 

A Shadowhunter Alec didn’t recognise was standing outside but Alec ignored his protests as he shoved the door open without knocking. He found Aldertree lounging in his armchair reading The Art of War. How pretentious Alec thought.

 

‘Do you know where Izzy is?’ Alec tried to keep his voice calm and measured, not sure how long his patience would last in his second run-in of the day with Aldertree. ‘I was told you spoke with her this morning and she hasn’t been seen from since.’

 

Alec heard his voice and realised he’d failed already; his tone was rude and accusatory. Not how one you speak to a superior but Alec didn’t care, he had no respect for Aldertree, regardless to what his position was. If Aldertree was bothered by Alec’s disrespect he didn’t show it, instead he kept reading, not even bothering to look up from his book as he responded.

 

‘I didn’t realise I was the keeper of your sisters calendar.’ He said in a bored tone.

 

Alec looked away, grunting in frustration. ‘Somethings wrong.’ He said trying to return his voice to a more even tone but he couldn’t help but get riled up, he knew Aldertree was involved. ‘She’s been acting weird ever since _you_ sent her to the Iron Sisters.’

 

Slowly Aldertree lowered the book. ‘I think you’re being paranoid. After what happened at your brother’s party perhaps I should recommend you for a psyche evaluation.’

 

Alec rolled his eyes and let out a dismissive grunt, not surprised by Aldertree’s cheap shot. Alec knew he needed to keep the bubbling rage he felt inside, and resist every desire to smack the smug look off Aldertree’s face. Clearly sensing he’d hit a nerve Aldertree pressed on.

 

‘What reason would I have to lie?’ he asked.

 

‘I don’t know.’ Alec said though a hundred different and all highly possible reasons ran through his mind. The one which seemed most likely was that Aldertree was a snake. Alec stepped closer to him, clasping his hands behind his back. ‘But whatever it is…’

 

Aldertree cut him off. ‘Nothing’s going on. I’m just trying to help and I would ask yourself…’ he rose to his feet, trying to intimidate Alec who stood a good head taller than him. ‘…is making insinuations about me really the road you wanna go down?’

 

The two men stared each other down for a moment; it took all of Alec’s will power not to lunge for Aldertree.

 

‘Isabelle’s more than capable of handling herself.’ Aldertree adding in a knowing tone Alec did not like.

 

Alec shook his head in frustration; Aldertree was going to tell him nothing. Without another word Alec left, shoving the door open so roughly it nearly came off its hinges, just missing the angry Shadowunter who had failed to guard it so miserably.

 

Alec stormed away from Aldertree’s office as quickly as he could and soon found himself in a dark isolated corridor on the other side of the Institute. He was so angry, Aldertree’s smug face and condescending words burning in his mind. Alec hated him so much. He felt like he needed to hit something, he suddenly understood Jace’s “teaching” of the new recruits this morning.

 

No matter what Aldertree said there was definitely something going on with Izzy but Alec couldn’t figure out what. Alec knew (or at least hoped) it wasn’t romantic; Izzy had a history of bad taste in men but not this bad. One thing Aldertree said played over in Alec’s mind; _I’m just trying to help._ Why would Izzy need help and from Aldertree of all people? If Izzy was in trouble there were plenty of people she could turn to, him, Jace, Clary, even the blabbering vampire would be better than Aldertree. Alec couldn’t understand it.

 

Besides if Izzy were in some sort of trouble Alec would know, he was her brother. Then Alec had an awful sinking feeling in his stomach, remembering how little he had seen of Izzy lately, even before the events of the rune party she’d been distant or perhaps in truth Alec had been. Alec felt sick, something was seriously wrong with Izzy and whatever it was he hadn’t been there to protect her, help her.

 

Though Alec was certain Aldertree was involved something, the rage and anger he felt paled in comparison the guilt and shame Alec now felt. Alec was her big brother, looking out for Izzy was all he’d known, what he’d done her whole life and now he’d failed her. He knew Clary and Jace needed his help but he had to figure out what was going on with Izzy first, he couldn’t live with himself if something happened to her.

 

Alec didn’t know what to do; he could feel the fear and panic rising in his chest. Without a second thought he reached for his phone and dialled, disappointed when it went to voicemail.

 

‘Magnus, it’s me…’ he said. ‘I need you.’

 

* * *

 

 

Magnus sat alone at the old beer stained table, cursing the deserted bar for leaving him alone with his thoughts. The Council meeting had quickly disbanded following Meliorn and Raphael’s declaration that Clary was too great a threat to the future of the Downworld to be allowed to live. Luke, understandably, had fled immediately to rouse the pack and protect Clary.

 

Not that Magnus would have admitted in front of the Alpha wolf, preferring not to get his head ripped off, but he understood Meliorn’s position. The Seelie was right the Downworld council was biased, completely entangled in the Shadoworld.

 

Magnus did not care for the Clave or Valentines unholy crusade, he wanted to do all he could to protect his people, the Warlocks and all Downworlder’s he swore to defend but it would be a lie to say his relationship with Alec hadn’t tested his loyalties.

 

Regardless to Magnus’s conflicting desires he disagreed with the Seelie’s call for Clary’s life, Magnus was certain there was another way. This had nothing to do with Alec, or Clary for that matter, though Magnus had grown rather fond of the calamity prone redhead. No matter what, no matter the risk, nothing justified taking an innocent life. If they agreed with that view they were no better than the Clave claiming the Soul Sword was for the greater good.

 

As Magnus sat alone replaying the events of the meeting he thought about Meliorn’s other, more troubling, revelations. The Seelie’s comments about Alec neither shocked nor insulted Magnus, he knew he was completely under the Shadowhunters spell and happily so.

 

It was his comments to Raphael, his remarks about Isabelle and most worrying Raphael’s reaction to them. The way Raphael flinched as Melion revealed he had been seeing Isabelle, the way the vampire’s jaw clenched as the Seelie reminded them all he knew of the beautiful Shadowhunter’s charms himself. Magnus had known Raphael almost all his entire immortal life; he’d been there for him in the darkest of times and thought of the young vampire as family.

 

Magnus knew how in the decades since he was turned Raphael had struggled with himself, struggled to contain the blood lust that all new-born vampires faced as well as other, more personal ones Raphael had slowly come to terms with over time. Magnus therefore knew whatever it was between Isabelle and Raphael was not romantic, or at least not in the way Isabelle experienced. Magnus had sat for a long time, thinking over and over what could be between them, what it was that had brought two unlikely hearts together when he came to the horrifying truth, remembering his chance meeting with Isabelle in this very bar a few nights ago.

 

Magnus remembered Izzy’s story, how she was working undercover on a Yin-Fen racket. Her answer had seemed plausible enough, it was a mission Shadowhunter’s would often be tasked with but Magnus remembered the nagging feeling that something didn’t feel right. Thinking back to that night he remembered her pale, taut skin, her tired eyes that looked as though she had not slept in days, the shaking hands she tried to hide. Magnus convinced himself it was most likely part of her recovery from the demon poison but he knew now how foolish he had been.

 

He was furious with himself, how could he have missed the signs staring him in the face. He’d seen too many people struggle and lose the battle with Yin-Fen, Isabelle needed his help and he had missed it. Magnus was even more furious that he unknowingly told her to go straight to the source, he practically pushed her into Raphael’s arms.

 

Magnus remembered his flippant thought earlier about a possible forbidden romance, not realising it was something much more dangerous indeed, for both Isabelle and Raphael.

 

Magnus stared down at his phone, twirling in slowly in his hands as it buzzed again. The Council meeting had finished when Alec called but Magnus could not bring himself to answer, he wasn’t sure he could handle hearing Alec’s voice without breaking down.

 

Magnus thought about what happened between them earlier tonight at the loft. Alec had finally let him in, though it ripped Magnus apart to see Alec break down, let out all the pain he had struggled with for so long he loved being able to comfort Alec, to try and heal his fragile heart.

 

Magnus remembered Alec’s words, _I’m happier than I’ve been in my whole life_ and despite all that had happened this evening Magnus couldn’t help but smile, he felt exactly the same way. What he and Alec had, how far they had come together was amazing, it went beyond anything Magnus had ever felt before. Magnus remembered the way they lost themselves in one another, how they almost moved even further. Every time before, as they had come together, learning and exploring one another Magnus had been conscious not to push Alec too far, make him do anything he wasn’t ready for. But tonight Magnus had none of those fears; he had seen the absolute certainty and adoration in Alec’s eyes. Magnus had felt exhilarated, desperate to finally be with Alec, share with Alec all the amazing pleasures he had given Magnus.

 

Magnus tapped the phone and finally listened to Alec’s message;

 

 _Magnus it’s me…I need you._ Alec’s voice was soft through the phone but he could hear the worry in his words. _It’s Izzy, something’s happened…I don’t know what but something is seriously wrong…_ Alec paused and Magnus felt even more ashamed. _Please Magnus, I need you._

Magnus let the phone fall away, feeling his heart break inside, he knew couldn’t keep his discovery about Isabelle from Alec, knowing how much his family meant to him and what they had already been through. Magnus had also vowed never to lie to Alec, he had to tell him the truth but he knew it could cost him everything.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So coming to the end of 2.09 and edging ever closer to 2x10!! I am determined to try and get this finished before Monday's 2B premier!
> 
> Thoughts always appreciated!

* * *

 

Magnus paced nervously back and forth on the balcony where he and Alec had shared a beautiful moment that very morning, now as Magnus stared out into the dark night that felt like a lifetime away. Magnus called Alec, asking him to come to the loft as he had news about Isabelle. Alec was understandably frustrated when Magnus didn’t tell him more but agreed, trusting Magnus as always. Magnus felt even worse. Magnus hadn’t meant to be so cryptic but he couldn’t say this over the phone, he needed to see Alec in person, to explain properly. However now Alec was on his way Magnus had no idea where to start, he was terrified of having to look Alec in the eye and break his heart. He knew the truth about Isabelle would destroy Alec. Magnus only hoped with all that had happened between them Alec would listen to him, let him explain. Magnus hoped he wouldn’t lose him.

 

The sound of the loft door opening broke Magnus from his thoughts; he turned to see Alec striding towards him, even from where he stood Magnus saw the tense set of his body, the serious look on his face.

 

‘You said you know where Izzy is?’ Alec asked immediately, he was in Shadowhunter mode, all bright hellos and soft kisses gone.

 

Magnus looked to him, arms folded, one set upright under his chin the way he did when he was anxious.

 

‘Well…’ Magnus said not sure what to say. ‘...not exactly.’

 

Alec’s frown grew darker; Magnus knew he was still being vague but he was struggling to find the words, terrified of what the truth might cost him. Seeing Alec here now in front of him, Magnus wasn’t sure he had the strength to do this. He brushed past Alec going straight to the drinks cart, he needed some liquid courage but Alec was done waiting.

 

‘You know I expect this from Aldertree, but not from you.’ Alec said his voice growing angry. ‘What’s going on? And why do I seem to be the last person to know about it?’

 

Magnus’s shoulders fell; he knew he couldn’t avoid this any longer. He turned back to Alec; the Shadowhunter’s beautiful face was set somewhere between anger and confusion. Alec raised one eyebrow at Magnus, his tell for when he was growing frustrated.

 

Magnus clenched his fist; he needed the strength to say this. ‘A couple of days ago I saw Isabelle trying to buy Yin-Fen from a certain reprobate Warlock at The Hunters Moon.’

 

Alec’s face didn’t change, didn’t react to Magnus’s words but Magnus knew inside, his head would be screaming, a hundred different thoughts running through his mind. The Shadowhunter’s usually stoic body shifting slightly as he tried to keep himself under control.

 

‘You sure it was her?’ the accusatory tone clear in his voice, desperate that Magnus was mistaken.

 

Magnus nodded, stepping closer to Alec. ‘I asked her what she was doing but she told me she was undercover…’ his voice trailed off.

 

‘Why you didn’t you say anything?’ Alec asked, his voice growing louder.

 

‘She’s an excellent liar…’ Magnus replied, it wasn’t an insult but statement of fact, one which Alec knew and had used many times before in his own missions. ‘It wasn’t until this evening that I put it all together, something Meliorn said…at the Downworlder meeting…’

 

Alec’s face twisted, the worry etched into his handsome features. Magnus took a deep breath, dreading what would happen when he revealed the truth.

 

He looked straight into Alec’s eyes. ‘I think she’s getting her fix straight from the source.’

 

Alec looked to the floor, needing a moment to process what he had heard; Magnus could almost see the cogs turning in his mind. Magnus wanted to say something else, explain, offer Alec comfort but he couldn’t find the words. After a moment Alec stepped to him, their bodies inches from another, close as they always found themselves these days. Magnus felt the warmth of Alec’s breath, the vibration of his body, his fresh yet masculine scent. Magnus wanted to reach out, to touch him, taste him but he didn’t, he felt like he couldn’t. The dark, betrayed look in Alec’s eyes made him feel as if he had lost that right and it broke his heart.

 

‘Where is she?’ Alec growled no affection or desire in his voice, replaced now by pure anger.

 

Magnus barely uttered Raphael’s name before Alec had rushed past him, careful not to touch Magnus, as though physical contact would pain the Shadowhunter. Magnus heard the door slam shut and knew with Alec’s speed rune he’d be at the Hotel du Mort soon, it wasn’t too far. Magnus knew he should follow but he felt like he couldn’t move. His body was shaking, the way Alec had spoken to him, the anger and betrayal in his voice, how Alec had looked at him, the cold disdain in his eyes, broke Magnus’s heart. He knew Alec was angry, he had every right to be but Magnus had hoped he would have allowed Magnus more time, let him explain.

 

Knowing staying alone in the loft with his thoughts and vodka was not going to help he followed Alec’s steps out the door. Magnus knew he couldn’t take back what had happened but he could stop Alec before the Shadowhunter did something he couldn’t take back.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Magnus saw one of Raphael’s minions lying knocked out cold on the floor as he arrived at the Hotel du Mort, the first victim of Alec’s rage. As Magnus headed inside he heard Isabelle’s loud pleas for Alec to stop and the rough sounds within of fists meeting flesh. Magnus turned the corner to see Raphael pinned to the floor, Alec’s huge warrior frame towering above him, wild fists pounding into the vampire’s face over and over.

 

Knowing he was nowhere near physically strong enough to stop Alec, especially in his current frenzied state Magnus used the only power he had. He raised his hand in a flash, stopping Alec’s bloodied fist mid-air before he could land another brutal blow. Frozen Alec knew what, or more accurately who, was the cause, he turned his head slightly, seeing Magnus standing behind him but said nothing.

 

‘Alec, stop!’ Magnus yelled flinging Alec’s body backwards, away from Raphael with a flick of his hand.

 

Alec quickly scrambled to his feet and turned on Magnus, eyes ablaze with rage, his body still shaking from the fight.

 

‘This is my family.’ He spat viciously at Magnus, dangerously close to Magnus.

 

Before tonight the way Alec’s body tensed and shook Magnus would have expected the Shadowhunter to launch himself at Magnus, lips and bodies collinding together but now Magnus thought Alec’s shaking fist might meet his skin instead. Alec was on the edge, filled with a violent need to hurt someone, anyone.

 

‘If you’d told me about the Yin-Fen none of this would have happened!’ he roared in Magnus’s face.

 

‘I didn’t know.’ Magnus’s words were soft and drawn out, trying to soothe some of the wild rage blazing inside Alec. He wanted to touch him, calm him the way he had earlier when Alec broke down in his arms but knew his touch was no longer wanted.

 

 ‘You knew enough.’ Alec spat bitterly, his words dripping with venom and betrayal.

 

Manus opened his mouth but nothing came out, the look in Alec’s eyes paralysing him completely. Alec looked at him with such disgust, as though he didn’t know who he was.

 

‘We’re leaving.’ Alec growled.

 

The “we” clearly did not include Magnus as Alec roughly barged past him without another word or look and grabbed his sister by the arm, dragging her away. Isabelle let him, unable to do little else still weakened from the vampire venom flooding her system. Magnus turned and watched them go, desperate to say something to make Alec stop but Alec was right, Magnus might not have known everything but he knew enough, knew something wasn’t quite right. So he let Alec go.

 

Magnus turned back to Raphael as the vampire slowly rose to his feet.

 

‘I wasn’t lying about what I said…’ he struggled through ragged breaths recovering from Alec’s attack. ‘There’s something about her…I haven’t felt this way in a long time.’

 

Magnus brought a hand to Raphael’s cheek, turning his face to look at one of the many cuts left by Alec’s fists and sighed.

 

‘You’re so hooked on her blood you can’t separate your feelings from your addition.’ He said bitterly, he was so disappointed in Raphael he never thought he would sink to something like this.

 

Raphael’s eyes turned dark and angry, ‘Isabelle and I are no different than you and Alec.’ he growled. ‘And I thought you of all people would understand.’ He said bitterly giving Magnus a judgemental look.

 

‘If you truly believe that…’ Magnus bit back. ‘See if you still feel the same when you’re not getting high.’

 

Magnus turned away, too disgusted with Raphael to talk with him anymore. The vampire’s comparison of his toxic relationship with Isabelle to what he had with Alec was beyond ridiculous. Then thought of his own words to Raphael, _you can’t separate your feelings from your addiction_ and wondered if the vampire had been wrong after all. Alec and Magnus might not be losing themselves in yin-fen but he could not deny they had developed a desperate dependency on one another, craved the other as much as any drug. Magnus had told himself it was normal, part of a new budding relationship but he knew it was a lie, that what he had with Alec, what he felt for Alec was so much more than that. Magnus had never felt this way about anyone before, and now he was terrified he had lost Alec forever.

 

Magnus needed to talk to Alec, he couldn’t leave things like this. He shook the thoughts from his mind, followed the stairway down to the alley exit, he was about to open the door when he heard angry voices yelling from the street. He paused for a second unsure what to do as Alec and Izzy’s words grew more heated.

 

‘I’m not your baby sister anymore Alec…just go!’ Izzy’s voice was so cold and cruel, so unlike her. ‘I don’t need your help!’

 

‘Izzy please…’ Alec said, his voice softer now, desperate, begging.

 

‘I said go!’ Izzy yelled back, her words had a cold finality to them.

 

Magnus could almost feel Alec’s pain through the door.

 

‘Fine.’ Alec spat bitterly. Magnus knew what he was doing, shutting down, retreating into himself the way he used to before.

 

Magnus pushed the door open frantically, desperate not to let Alec go. He made his way down the alley to see Alec’s elegant frame walking away quickly.

 

‘Alec!’ Magnus called into the night but Alec kept walking. ‘Alexander…please…’ he yelled again moving to follow. Alec stopped. ‘I’m sorry.’

 

Magnus’s final words faltered slightly but he knew Alec heard them, he only prayed Alec would come back to him, talk to him, yell at him again even, anything was better than silence. But Alec didn’t, instead he walked away. Magnus sunk back, his body slumped against the alley wall as though the wind had been knocked out of him. Izzy slowly made her way towards him, as she was closer now Magnus could see how weak she looked.

 

‘Let him go.’ She croaked, her eyes struggling to stay open still feeling the effects of her high.

 

Magnus blinked back tears, despite the pain he felt ripping his heart apart he still felt sorry for her, for what she had become.

 

‘You need help Isabelle…’ he said softly. ‘There’s no happy ending at the end of this road for you.’

 

A dark look passed over her beautiful features as Izzy cast a look back to where her brother had been moments ago, turning his back on Magnus.

 

‘I guess we have that in common.’ She said bitterly.

 

Magnus said nothing in response as Izzy dragged her body back inside, he stood alone in the dark alley and let the tears fall.

 

* * *

 

 

Alec lay alone in the dark of his bedroom, he wasn’t quite sure how but he made his way back to the Institute, acting on auto-pilot. He passed the hordes of busy Shadowhunter’s in the Ops Centre, something was clearly going on, he could still hear the buzz of activity outside his room but he couldn’t find the energy to care, his mind was somewhere else.

 

As Alec replayed the night over his head so many emptions plagued him, anger, rage, hurt, guilt, loss. He felt terrible for leaving Izzy behind but he didn’t know what else to do. Her words burned in his mind;

 

_Raphael was there for me when I needed him…he saved my life…_

_You didn’t even notice when something was wrong…_

 

_I’m not your baby sister anymore Alec…_

 

Each one hurt him more than any punch or sword had before because Alec knew she was right. Izzy had been struggling, spiralling for weeks and Alec didn’t even realise, he didn’t see it because he wasn’t there. Alec was a failure, he couldn’t protect those he loved and now Izzy was suffering. The same pain and guilt he felt when he had lost Jace to Valentine all those months ago raged within him.  Alec wasn’t there to protect her, care for her, help her when she needed him most; he’d been so wrapped up in his life to see the truth, so wrapped up in Magnus…

 

Magnus.

 

Even the thought of his name made Alec’s heart ache. The pain and betrayal Alec felt was too much. He didn’t understand, after everything, all they had been through, how this had happened. All the times Magnus had pushed Alec, got him to open up, trust Magnus, let him into his heart. He couldn’t believe Magnus had kept this from him, knowing how much his siblings meant to him, that Jace and Izzy were all he had in this world.

 

The rage he had felt when he first learned the truth had faded, his need to lash out, to blame someone, hurt someone gone, replaced by his own guilt and shame. As he’d made his way back to the Institute all he could think of was how he’d failed Izzy, failed his family again. Now as he lay in the dark his thoughts shifted, trying to keep Magnus from his mind but as always failing.

 

Alec thought back to earlier this evening when he had broken down completely in Magnus’s arms, finally let all of the pain and hurt he’d keep inside go, let Magnus see Alec, _really_ see him. Alec felt like a soul crushing weight had finally been lifted and he was free. Magnus gave Alec that, like he’d given Alec so much. Magnus had given Alec freedom, courage, confidence, happiness and pleasures Alec could have never imagined. Alec trusted Magnus completely, with every part of himself…or at least he had before. Now Alec was so confused, how could he feel so angry and hurt by someone he adored so much? Alec didn’t know what to feel or think.

 

Alec remembered the night of the rune party, when he had gone back to Magnus’s in the early hours and found him sleeping on the couch, murmuring Alec’s name in his dreams. Alec had carried him to the bed, tucking him beneath the covers before wrapping his own arms around him. Alec had only wanted to be close to Magnus that night, to have the feel of his body near him comforting him, but when Magnus had awoken, panic stricken and struggling from his nightmare Alec had soothed him the only way he could, with his body. That first night with Magnus, being inside Magnus had been so incredible Alec felt bliss he never thought would be possible. Alec remembered how they lay together afterwards, tangled in one another. Alec remembered the feel of Magnus’s perfect body slotted in his, Alec’s lips lightly brushing the Warlock’s neck as his hands trailed light circles on his hips. The memory burned in Alec’s mind.

 

_Magnus’s hand delved under the covers and grabbed Alec’s bringing it to his mouth._

_‘Don’t leave me Alec.’ he whispered in the dark, kissing Alec’s hand lightly._

_Alec sighed into his hair. ‘I won’t…’ he said softly. ‘I’m here Magnus.’_

_Alec kissed Magnus neck softly, brushing his fingers through the Warlock’s soft hair, soothing him to sleep. Alec watched Magnus for a while, loving the soft warm glow on his skin as the first rays of morning sunlight streaked in the room. Alec watched the soft rise and fall of Magnus’s bare chest, felt the heat of his body against Alec’s own and felt his heart clench in his chest. Alec knew with absolutely certainty in that moment what he felt for Magnus, what he’d been trying to push from his mind, tell himself it was too soon, he was too inexperienced, was real._

_Alec pressed his lips so lightly to Magnus’s shoulder and whispered, ‘I love you.’_

_Magnus didn’t stir, Alec knew he didn’t hear him and Alec was relieved. He was in love with Magnus, had been for months, he knew that now but he still wasn’t ready to tell Magnus that. Alec didn’t know if he ever would be but for now it was enough._

Alec raised his hands to his eyes, feeling the sting of tears threatening to fall at the memory. He shifted on the bed, it felt so uncomfortable and unfamiliar to him, the whole room, whole Institute did. This place was no longer his home, he thought he had found another but it seemed that was lost. Alec felt so alone, so helpless. His mother was gone, Izzy had pushed him away and there was still a distance with Jace and now Magnus too. Alec felt as though he had no one left.

 

Alec felt his chest grow tight, heart thundering inside as another panic attack took over his body. Alec dragged his body upwards, pulling his knees to his chest trying to slow his breathing best he could. He gripped his arms together, digging his nails hard into his skin, hoping the pain would shook his system but nothing was working. Alec knew what he wanted, needed to comfort him…Magnus. If Alec hadn’t been almost in tears he might have laughed at the irony, the thing he wanted so desperately to soothe his pain was the cause.

 

After a time Alec felt his chest relax a little and his breathing calm, slowly he moved his body, sliding to the floor sitting with his back to the bed where his phone lie discarded on the floor. Magnus had called again and again but Alec had ignored each one, he didn’t have the strength to hear Magnus’s voice until now. Slowly Alec reached for his phone and pressed the voicemail.

 

 _Alexander…_ came Magnus’s velvet voice; Alec closed his eyes thrilled and hurt by the sound at the same time. _I know you’re angry; you have every right to be. I’m so sorry Alec, I should have told you…I didn’t know I didn’t know what was happening, not really…but I should have told you. I know how much you love your family…please talk to me Alec, don’t shut me out…after everything we’ve been through, I can’t lose you…Alec I…_ Magnus paused and Alec’s heart pounded in his chest. _Please Alec, come back._

Alec lowered the phone, resting his head on his knees. He heard the truth and sincerity in Magnus’s words. Alec wanted to call him back so badly, hear his voice again in his ear but he couldn’t find the strength.

 

Suddenly Alec’s door opened without a knock, a panicked looking Shadowhunter stood in the doorway.

 

‘Sir I was told…’ he began pausing suddenly as he took in the sight of Alec, hunched on the floor, eyes red from tears clutching his phone.

 

‘I said I was not to be disturbed.’ Alec barked wiping his eyes with the back of his hand as he stood. ‘I’m off duty tonight.’

 

‘There’s been a Downworlder attack.’ The boy said hurriedly.

 

Alec’s heart sank suddenly, Magnus’s face burned in his mind. ‘What, where? Who was involved?’

 

The boy shook his head, ‘Everywhere, there’s multiple Downworlder attacks happening all over the city…it’s like warzone out there. Director Aldertree has dispatched everyone to patrol.’

 

Alec’s fears subsided for a second; Magnus was ok…as far as he knew. But the fear returned as he played the boys words over in his mind, Alec didn’t know what was happening but this was Valentine’s work, he was sure of it.

 

Alec slipped his phone into his pocket and grabbed his jacket. ‘Tell me everything you know.’

 

* * *

 

 

Alec was in the Ops Centre reviewing the latest round of attacks, more and more instances reported every minute, Manhattan was overran with Downworlder attacks. Alec was dispatching units to help Jace; they had managed to rescue her from Valentine but now he had taken the vampire as hostage to force her to activate the Soul Sword. Jace had taken Clary to Magnus’s for protection whilst they tried to plan Valentine’s next move.

 

The whole Institute was in full battle mode and Alec was back in command following his final confrontation with Aldertree. After everything that Alec had discovered tonight about Izzy Alec wanted to rip Aldertree apart limb by limb but with the future of the Downworld in jeopardy Alec curbed his justified need for vengeance.

 

Alec signed off the latest mission plans and tossed his bow over his shoulder, readying himself for battle. He quickly checked his phone, he’d message Izzy multiple times to tell her what was happening and come back to the Institute. No matter what had happened between them tonight she was his sister and he needed to know she was safe. She still hadn’t replied, so Alec messaged her again, pleading with her to come home.

 

As Alec sent the message he paused, another face he loved just as fiercely in his mind. Alec hovered his finger over Magnus’s number, he should call him, say something just in case…Alec knew tonight was going to dangerous, Alec was ready to fight, die if he need to stop Valentine but knowing that he might never speak to Magnus again, see him, kiss him was too much. Alec had faced his share of battles but he’d never truly been afraid before, Shadowhunter’s were raised to put their lives on the line for the cause.

 

Alec knew this might be his last chance, if he didn’t make it tonight Magnus would never know how he felt, what Magnus meant to him, what he gave Alec. Despite all the pain and hurt from tonight’s events it didn’t change that. Alec loved Magnus, was in love with Magnus and he might never get to tell him.

 

‘Lightwood, you ready?’ Longford called from the other side of the room where he stood with Aldertree and the remaining Shadowhunte’rs who had stayed behind to guard the institute.

 

‘Gimme a minute.’ Alec yelled, turning his back to them. He couldn’t call Magnus now, whatever moment of courage he had was gone and the staring group of Shadowhunter’s all having activated their hearing rooms was not helping. Alec sighed and started to type a message, he knew a text was not the best way to say what he truly wanted to Magnus but he needed to say something. He couldn’t leave things between them the way they were.

 

_Magnus, I don’t know what will happen tonight but please stay away from the Institute. I’ll call you when this is over._

Alec hit send and re-read the message and frowned, reading it back it didn’t quite convey what Alec was hoping for. Aware of the frustrated eyes on his back he quickly typed another.

 

_For me tonight, please stay away. I need you to be safe. A._

 

Alec slipped the phone into his pocket and joined the others. ‘So first we should…’ he began before the entire Institute shook like an earthquake had hit it. Alarms and lights flashed all around them, screams and cries followed.

 

‘The wards have been breached!’ one yelled.

 

‘Circle members have surrounded the building!’ cried another.

 

‘They’re entering the building…all barriers are down!’

 

Alec sighed and grabbed his bow, ‘We better get to work.’


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So we're into ep 2x10 finally! This is a little shorter as what I originally wanted to write just got waaaaay to long so I split it out. 
> 
> Almost at the end guys :D
> 
> *UPDATE - this chapter has been updated to include an extra two scenes*

* * *

The Institute was in absolute chaos; Circle members had infiltrated the building and taken over the Ops Centre and weapons room. Most of the Shadowhunters had been dispatched to the streets in response to the Downworlder attacks, which they all knew were now nothing more than a distraction. The small band of warriors that had remained were fighting Circle members, outnumbered at least two to one. Alec saw many of his comrades fall, fighting to the very end, determined to stop the Circle from completing their heinous mission.

 

Alec had found himself with an unlikely partner in Aldertree after the diplomat saved Alec when he found himself outnumbered by Circle members. Though Alec hated to admit it after all he had done he knew he needed Aldertree’s help. Valentine had taken up position in Aldertree’s office, with Simon still as his hostage, preparing to unleash the sword drawing on the central power of the Institute. Aldertree had led Alec to the roof to try and override the power source. They faced off with more Circle members on their ascent to the rooftop and Alec was surprised by Aldertree’s skill as a fighter, though he was careful not to turn his back to him, half expecting to find himself at the end of his seraph blade if he did.

 

They finally reached the roof and found it deserted, clearly Valentine didn’t know about the power source’s other location. Alec used the exploding rune to remove the access hatch covering the

 

‘Unfortunately it’s impervious to the unlock rune.’ Aldertree said, opening the hatch door to reveal the computer screen beneath.

 

‘You’re the Head of the Institute.’ Alec snapped. ‘You’re telling me you don’t have a key?’

 

‘I do.’ Aldertree answered over his shoulder. ‘In my office.’

 

‘Where Valentine is.’ Alec rolled his eyes whatever small amount of respect he might have had for Aldertree vanished. When Alec was deputising for his mother as Head of the Institute he never left important things behind like some first year recruit.

 

‘We’ll have to override the control mechanism.’ Aldertree said as his fingers hurriedly began tapping against the screen.

 

‘That’s impossible.’ Alec groaned, they were wasting time.

 

Aldertree grinned, ‘Not when you have my security clearance and know the back door algorithms.’

 

Alec sighed and rolled his eyes, folding his arms as Aldertree tried to hack into the system. Alec knew there was a good chance he wasn’t going to make it out of the Institute tonight, despite the fact that Aldertree had saved his life Alec couldn’t forget all that he had done, all those he had hurt. People Alec cared about, people Alec loved. Aldertree could present one face to the world, pretend as a member of the Clave he wanted to protect the Downworld but Alec knew the truth. Aldertree was no hero, he was just like the rest of the Clave, ignorant and bigoted fools who thought Downworlders were beneath them.

 

Tired and angry Alec could hold his tongue no longer. ‘I think you wouldn’t mind if the Downworld was destroyed…certainly make your job easier.’

 

‘My relationship to the Downworld is more complicated than you think.’ Aldertree said quietly.

 

‘How’s that?’ Alec asked accusatorily.

 

Aldertree sighed and turned back to Alec.

 

‘Years ago when I was still making my way up the ranks of the Clave I fell in love with a woman…’ Aldertree began, Alec rolled his eyes not knowing or caring where this story was going.

 

‘…beautiful, intelligent, sexy…’ Aldertree continued. ‘…and a Lycanthrope.’

 

Alec’s brows knitted together in confusion, _‘You_ feel in love with a Downworlder?’

 

‘Seems odd doesn’t it? but Ava was special.’ Aldertree said, his eyes sparkled for a moment as he said her name, as though it had not been spoken for a long time. ‘After a year together I was called to Alicante to a summit…when I returned I went to see her and found the aftermath of a massacre…a shax demon.’

 

Alec shifted uncomfortably where he stood, not sure what to do.

 

‘I discovered Ava hiding in the basement; she was in shock…driven mad by grief…’ Aldertree’s voice was filled with pain as the memories he’d pushed aside for so long came back.

 

‘She couldn’t control herself…’ he continued unbuttoning his jacket and top buttons of his shirt. ‘so she transformed…and attacked me.’

 

Aldertree pulled the shirt aside to reveal the faded, unmistakable scars, werewolf claw marks. Alec no longer felt the vengeful need to punish or fight Aldertree, the dark scars on his body were too unexpected, too personal. Alec didn’t know what to do so he looked away.

 

Aldertree’s eyes fell to the floor as he buttoned his shirt. ‘She’d have killed me if I hadn’t used my seraph blade.’ Alec looked up, completely shocked by his words. ‘Ava died in my arms.’

 

‘You killed her.’ Alec said, his words were dark and full of judgement. He couldn’t believe it, after what Aldertree had just told him, of how much he loved Ava how could he have taken her life?

 

‘I had no choice. Ava couldn’t control herself, that was her nature…her _wolf_ nature.’ Aldertree replied, Alec wasn’t sure if he was trying to convince himself or Alec they were true. ‘That’s when I realised a Shadowhunter could never be with a Downworlder…no matter how strong our feelings might be.’

 

Alec said nothing; instead he looked away, trying his best not to rise to Aldertree’s not so subtle reference to him and Magnus. Aldertree understood the time for talking was over and returned his attention to the power screen. Alec had tried to keep Magnus from his mind tonight, focusing on the battle and stopping Valentine but Aldertree’s confession had thrust Magnus to the forefront of his mind. Alec knew Aldertree had been telling the truth about Ava, he loved her deeply, Alec saw it in his eyes. Alec couldn’t comprehend how he could have done what he did, no matter the circumstances. Alec knew the terrifying dangers of facing off with a werewolf out of control but he still couldn’t imagine taking their life if you loved them.

 

Alec wondered what he would have done, had it been Magnus, had Magnus lost control of his magic and was a danger to Alec…what would Alec have done? Could he take Magnus’s life to save his own or others…Alec closed his eyes, knowing the truth in his heart…if that day came, Alec knew there was no choice for him, he couldn’t do it, he’d burn with Magnus till the end.

 

_A Shadowhunter could never be with a Downworlder…no matter how strong our feelings might be._

Alec knew, despite what he felt in his heart, that there was some truth to Aldertree’s words. Alec had said it himself on their first date, they were from completely different worlds. It had been a struggle since he and Magnus first met, trying to balance their two conflicting worlds, his mother was proof alone of how most Shadowhunter’s viewed relationships with Downworlders.

 

When Alec was alone with Magnus, wrapped up in their private world of two everything was perfect. But in the outside world, the real world everyday seemed to have a new challenge, a new obstacle for them to face…no matter what he felt for Magnus every day seemed to be a struggle. What happened with Izzy was proof enough that things between them still weren’t right. Alec knew they couldn’t stay tucked in their private world forever but a part of him he wondered how long they could keep fighting everyone else. What was the price of their happiness if it hurt everyone around them?

 

Alec pushed the thought from his mind, deciding there was little need to worry about the future of his relationship with Magnus until he survived the night. Alec hadn’t heard from Magnus since he sent his text, the Shadowhunter’s phone lost in the fray long ago but all that was getting Alec through was knowing Magnus was far from here, safe at the loft with Clary. Alec knew he’d never make it through the night if Magnus was here.

 

‘Dammit!’ Aldertree yelled banging his fist against the wall. ‘I can’t get in.’

 

Alec didn’t answer Aldertree, instead distracted as the roof door burst open, four Circle members striding towards them, seraph blades in hand. Perhaps Valentine did know about the roof power source after all. Alec and Aldertree reached for their swords.

 

‘Four against two.’ Aldertree mumbled.

 

Alec half-grinned at the slight hint of fear in his voice, the diplomat might have the skill with a blade but clearly wasn’t used too many real-life battles.

 

‘Could be worse.’ Alec said back. He and Jace had faced fair greater odds before, though Aldertree was hardly up to his parabatai’s fighting level.

 

Alec was about to launch himself forward when two of the Circle members fell to the ground, writing in agony at the metal whip coiled around their throats.

 

‘Izzy?’ Alec asked completed shock but delighted at the sight of his sister before him.

 

Izzy didn’t answer him or acknowledge his and Aldertree’s presence whatsoever, instead she transformed her whip into a staff and set about destroying the remaining two Clave members. Alec watched his sister fight, she seemed like her old self ago, wild, elegant and deadly all at once. The final Circle member fell to the floor on his back and soon found himself impaled with Izzy’s staff.

 

With a heavy breath Izzy pulled the staff back, finally looking to her brother, flicking her hair back. Alec saw her now and the flash of his former sister was gone, she looked weak and drained the adrenalin from the fight gone from her system. As if it pained her to hold it she dropped the staff to the floor, swaying from side to side, as though she might feint.

 

‘Izzy are you ok?’ Alec said panicked rushing to her, catching her small body before she fell. ‘I got you…’ he said softly. ‘You ok?’

 

Izzy looked up to him slowly, ‘I’m so sorry Alec.’

 

‘For what, saving our lives?’ he teased lightly. Alec knew what she was referring to but also knew this wasn’t the time. He was glad she was here, glad she had come home.

 

Izzy didn’t answer instead she twisted her body into his, clinging onto Alec’s arm, she barely had enough strength to stand. Aldertree stared at them for a moment.

 

‘You should take Isabelle to the Infirmary.’ He said stepping towards them. ‘I’ll get reinforcements and go to the Ops Centre.’

 

Alec opened his mouth to protest, but Aldertree cut him off.

 

‘That’s an order Alec, my last as Head of the Institute…’ he said looking at Izzy the guilt clear in his eyes. ‘Take care of your sister.’

 

* * *

 

Alec brushed one of Izzy’s dark curls from her face, watching the even rise and fall of her breathing as she slept, praying his sister would find some peace, if only for a little while, in her dreams. Alec jumped back reaching for his seraph blade as a loud explosion roared outside, quickly followed by screams and yells and the sound of metal against metal.

 

‘We’re quite safe in here…’ a soft voice said in Alec’s ear, a gentle arm resting on his lowering the blade.

 

The elderly Shadowhunter sat down on the bed at the other side of Izzy, pressing a damp cloth to her forehead.

 

‘Valentine’s minions might have been able to breach the outer wards, but the ones protecting the Infirmary have been fortified to be three times as powerful.’ The old woman said as she continued her movements. ‘The Warlock who raised them is the most powerful I’ve ever met.’

 

Alec couldn’t help but smile at her unknowing reference to Magnus. ‘So I’ve heard.’ He said under his breath. He wanted to see Magnus so badly, hear his voice, hold him. Alec felt like it had been weeks as opposed to hours since he last saw him, Alec hated his last words to Magnus were spoken in anger and pain.

 

Alec sighed and looked back to his sister. ‘Is she going to be ok?’

 

The healer sighed, setting her hands in her lap. ‘Yin-fen is one of the most poisonous, toxic things a person can take, it sucks the life from people indiscriminately until they are so dependent upon it they no longer recognise who they have become.’

 

Alec stared down at his younger sister, shame flooding his body that he didn’t realise what was happening to her all these weeks.

 

‘It takes a person of incredible strength to recover from Yin-Fen…’ the healer continued looking at Izzy with a soft smile. ‘This one is strong…it will take time but she will be ok.’

 

Alec sighed and prayed the healer was right; he couldn’t lose Izzy, not after everything. He swore to himself he would never let her down again.

 

‘I should get back.’ Alec said getting to his feet. ‘If she wakes up tell her…’

 

Alec began but his words were cut off as the entire Institute shook violently, as though hit by a fierce earthquake. The building was still shaking when a burst of light appeared all around, hot bright white, heaven like rays pouring from the Ops Centre in every direction, quickly followed by pained, tortured screams and cries, wolves howling, people crying out.

 

Alec froze, knowing it could only be one thing. ‘The Sword.’ He said awestruck, trying to comprehend what had happened.

 

‘Go.’ The healer barked at him. ‘Go help them.’

 

‘I…’ Alec paused looking to his sister, helpless and sedated on the bed.

 

‘We’ll be fine boy.’ The old woman snapped, revealing a huge seraph blade. ‘I might be old but I’m still a Shadowhunter.’

 

* * *

 

 

Alec ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the Ops Centre, willing his speed and agility runes to work even harder. He ran through the battle worn corridors, over the smashed glass, piles of rubble and destroyed furniture. As he moved closer to the Ops room his heart sank as he saw the bodies, bloodied, bruised and lifeless strewn across the corridor floors. There were so many, Shadowhunters, Circle members, Seelies, vampires, werewolves…so many dead.

 

Alec reached the Ops Centre and slowed, in complete disbelief at the scene before him. The entire floor was covered in bodies, fifty, a hundred maybe more Alec couldn’t be sure. All he knew was they were all Downworlders, all dead, wiped out in an instance. Alec looked away from the death that surrounded him, trying to comprehend what had happened. He saw Jace standing in the centre of the room; he could feel the pain and guilt flooding his parabatai bond, tears threatening his brothers eyes. Alec looked up and saw Simon and Clary behind Jace, the sight of the redhead broke something in Alec. she wasn’t supposed to be here, only Clary could activate the sword, all she had to do was stay away. Alec felt a rage bubbling inside him, why could she never listen, look what she had done.

 

 

‘You did this!’ he snarled staring at her. ‘You activated the Sword.’

 

Clary shook her head, ‘No I…’

 

‘I did it…’ Jace stammered, he looked as though he was in shock. ‘I thought I was destroying it Alec b-but…’

 

Alec wasn’t listening, still dealing with the horrific reality of what had happened his mind was slowly catching up. He looked up to Clary, Clary was here in the Institute, not at the loft where she was meant to be. That meant…

Alec felt a panic unlike anything he had ever felt before.

 

‘Where’s Magnus?’ he yelled, eyes wide in fear.

 

The only thing that had help Alec get through tonight was knowing Magnus was far away and safe but Alec knew Magnus better than anyone. He knew there was no way he would have let Clary come to the Institute alone, he would have wanted to protect her, help her, no matter the risk. Alec felt sick, if Magnus was here when the Sword was activated…

 

‘He wasn’t here was he?’ he asked, fear in his voice.

 

‘I…I don’t know.’ Jace said.

 

‘We portalled in upstairs.’ Clary said softly. ‘We split up…’

 

Clary’s words trailed off as though she couldn’t bear to finish her sentence but Alec understood. She didn’t know where Magnus was, she didn’t know what happened to him. Alec looked desperately at the bodies at his feet; no, no it couldn’t be possible. Magnus couldn’t have been here, if he had been, if he’d been…Alec couldn’t let himself think it. If something had happened to Magnus, Alec would know, he would feel it…Alec felt his chest tighten, he needed to keep calm, he couldn’t break down, not now. He needed to find Magnus.

 

 

‘Oh god.’ Alec breathed before turning away from their sympathetic eyes, running from the room.

 

‘Alec!’ Jace called behind him.

 

Alec looked back to his parabatai but said nothing. He didn’t care about what happened, about Valentine or the Sword or what Jace did. All that mattered now was Magnus.

 

* * *

Frantically Alec ran through the glass doors to the greenhouse observatory, Shadowhunter’s had taken up residency here to treat some of the wounded, those with minor injuries mainly as the Infirmary was overran with those in critical condition. Alec had gone there first but the elderly healer had told him Magnus wasn’t there before returning to the ease the suffering of the poor souls in her care. Alec had searched everywhere, the training rooms, weapons vaults, the private quarters; there was no sign of Magnus anywhere. What Alec did see everywhere he went was a trail of death and destruction, some parts of the Institute had been destroyed completely Alec couldn’t get through.

 

Alec pushed his way through the busy crowd of medics and healers when he spotted a tall slender figure with dark hair in the distance. There were so many people blocking Alec’s view that he couldn’t quite see properly, he racked his brains trying to remember what Magnus was wearing when he last saw him but he couldn’t conjure the memory. It made Alec’s fear worse, he could usually remember every little detail of how Magnus looked, from the style of his shirt to the colour of his finger nails but now his image was a fuzzy blur in Alec’s mind, as though he no longer existed. The dark haired man turned, moving to leave and Alec raced after him, almost knocking a few injured Shadowhunter’s over as he did so.

 

‘Magnus!’ Alec cried as he grabbed the man’s elbow.

 

As the man turned to face Alec his heart sank.

 

‘Excuse me?’ The stranger asked, confused.

 

From a distance someone could be mistaken for thinking this man was Magnus, he had the same warm caramel skin, the same slight yet strong body, dark hair in a similar style but now up close Alec could see no resemblance whatsoever. This man did not have Magnus’s striking eyes, deep shades of brown that at one time could hold the mischievous glint whilst at others look as though they saw the deepest secrets of your soul. He did not have Magnus’s enthralling scent, a heady mix of coffee, wood and something sweet that Alec could never quite put his finger on. But the most striking difference was his mouth; the stranger did not have Magnus’s beautiful full lips, always set in a half-grin, usually at whatever wicked thing was running through the Warlock’s mind. Lips Alec had blessed to know the feel of against his own, firm yet gentle, wet and hungry for his own. Alec feared he’d never know the feeling again, he would give anything in the world now to feel the taste of Magnus’s kiss.

 

 ‘Sorry…’ Alec mumbled, letting go of the strangers arm. ‘I’m looking for…I thought you were someone else…’

 

The stranger’s face twisted into a confused frown clearly wondering who Alec had confused him with. ‘Wait do you mean Magnus Bane, the Warlock?’

 

 _High Warlock of Brooklyn thank you very much,_ chimed Magnus’s voice in Alec’s head.

 

‘Yes!’ Alec exclaimed. ‘Have you seen him?’

 

Alec’s hopes were quickly dashed as the man shook his head, ‘No, but he wouldn’t be _here_.’

 

Alec’s brow furrowed, not understanding the man’s tone. ‘What do you mean?’

 

‘This area is for the wounded fighters.’ He replied bluntly, surprised at Alec’s apparent ignorance. ‘For Shadowhunters. Not Downworlders.’

 

Alec felt his hands form a fist involuntarily at his side, finally understanding the man’s meaning.

 

‘What?’ he barked. ‘The Downworlder’s fought side by side with us tonight.’

 

The man scoffed, ‘Yeah and look how _that_ turned out.’

 

Alec wanted nothing more than to knock this ignorant fool on his ass but he didn’t have time for this, he was still no closer to finding Magnus.

 

‘Where have the Downworlders taken their wounded?’ Alec asked trying to keep from ripping the guys head off.

 

‘They’ve set up an area out by the service entrance…’ the man replied in a bored voice pointing towards the door. ‘The Downworlder’s are sorting out their wounded and dead.’

 

Alec had already turned to leave when he heard the man’s final word, his body froze completely.

 

‘Maybe you’ll find your Warlock friend there.’

 

* * *

 

 

Alec opened the door the Shadowhunter had pointed towards, his chest tightening as he took in the scene before him. Alec thought what he’d seen in the Ops Centre, the Downworlder bodies strewn lifeless across the floor was horrific but what he saw now was even worse. Alec stood frozen as he watched people hurriedly bringing in body after body, like a never-ending conveyer belt of death. Alec watched how they carried them, placing some in certain places, then he realised they were separating them by species, Seelie, werewolf, vampire, warlock…

 

Alec hurried to where a small group of warlocks wounded in the attacks were talking to some Shadowhunters, trying to identify their fallen brethren. Alec looked among the group; again there was no sign of Magnus which in one way was a relief but at the same time another twist of the dagger in his heart. Where was Magnus? What had happened to him? Alec scanned the group, hoping to find a familiar face, perhaps someone who knew Magnus and might help but as Alec stared at the eclectic crowd he suddenly realised he wouldn’t know. He’d never met any of Magnus’s warlock friends or colleagues; he’d never met anyone in Magnus’s life or past, with the exception of Camille, which was something Alec and Magnus both tried to avoid altogether.

 

Defeated Alec made to leave when one woman with bright green hair and purple eyes let out a heart-breaking scream, falling to her knees beside the body of a young warlock, perhaps no more than his early twenties. Alec saw the young boy face was shaped similarly to the green-haired woman and realised he was her brother. Alec felt like an intruder, like he had no place here, had no right. But his selfish heart would not let him go, he needed to be sure Magnus was not among the hurt or…Alec still couldn’t let himself think it.

 

The fear Alec felt was too much, almost paralysing, he couldn’t stand this any longer. He turned, brushing through the crowd, he had to get out of here. As he made his way towards the door when two Shadowhunter’s  entered carrying another stretcher with a blonde woman, another innocent Downworlder victim of the horrific nights events.

 

Alec felt his pain turn to rage as he heard the one of the Shadowhunter’s speak.

 

‘Where are we putting the mutts again?’ he murmured under his breath.

 

‘C’mon Jefferson. This isn’t a joke.’ The other said in a mildly condemning tone as they set the stretcher down with a large group of other bodies. Alec recognised a few faces, not by name, but he knew they were members of Luke’s pack.

 

The one apparently called Jefferson shrugged, ‘What? They’re just…what the…’

 

Jefferson never managed to finish his sentence, suddenly finding himself violently pinned up against the wall, Alec’s fists clenched around his neck.

 

‘What the hell is wrong with you?’ Alec growled.

 

‘What…’ Jefferson gasped, trying to bat Alec’s hand away. His friend tried to free him too but Alec roughly shoved him to the ground.

 

‘These are people…they have families, friends, people who love…’ Alec spat through gritted teeth, his voice faltering.

 

‘They…they’re Downworlder’s.’ Jefferson gasped as though that was an answer.

 

‘Alec!’ the familiar and unwelcome voice of Aldertree called from across the rom. ‘Let him go!’

 

Alec tightened his gripped, squeezing Jefferson’s throat even tighter causing his face to turn a dark shade of red. He felt Aldertree grip his arm, tugging him backwards, forcing him to release the boy, who felt to the floor in a coughing heap. Alec turned away, fists clenched, a violent need to hurt someone raging inside him.

 

Aldertree dragged Jefferson to his feet. ‘You say anything like that again and I’ll have you thrown in the city of bones.’ He said darkly. ‘Now get out of my sight.’

 

Jefferson nodded before turning on his heels, running through the crowd with his friend close behind. Alec stood in silence, chest heaving as Aldertree bent down beside the body of the young werewolf girl, gently closing her eyes with fingers. Now Alec looked at the girl properly he saw how truly beautiful she was, he wondered if she reminder Aldertree of Ava.

 

‘I can’t find Magnus.’ Alec said softly, his voice shaking as he said Magnus’s name. Alec was too tired and scared to care what Aldertree thought of him.  ‘I’ve looked everywhere…but he’s not…’

 

Aldertree stood up, ‘Are you sure he was here?’

 

Alec nodded, struggling to speak. Aldertree was silent, a grave look in his eyes, Alec felt

 

‘There was a battle, in the North wing, between Circle members and Warlocks at the entrance to the Institute. We’ve only just found the bodies…’ Aldertree said quietly. ‘There were no survivors.’

 

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here we are guys at the end of the story. Thanks so much for everyone who stuck with this and my terrible record of trying to keep to updates, I love how many of you stayed with it and (hopefully) enjoyed it till the end. I know lots of people have been waiting for the big 2x10 scene and I hope you like my version, as well as what follows...
> 
> Thank you so much as always for your amazing comments, they really do help keep me going when i'm in a funk!
> 
> I'm super sad its over, writing this has been a lot of fun. I love how a two-shot basically became a mammoth 14 chapter thing! 
> 
> Though now I am beyond EXCITED for 2B tomorrow night and see where my Malec go next on their epic love story. Who knows I may even pick this back up and add some 2B scenes...

* * *

 

Despite his body feeling completely exhausted Alec ran faster than he’d run before in his life towards the North wing, spurred on by Aldertree’s words roaring in his head.

 

_There were no survivors._

Alec’s heart pounded in his chest as he burst through the door, the early morning sunlight burning his eyes. The Shadowhunter’s dispatched to deal with Valentine’s Downworlder attaches were returning in droves. Alec pushed his way through the crowd, running down the steps onto the lawn outside the Institute. He couldn’t see the aftermath of the fight Aldertree spoke of, nor could he see Magnus.

 

Alec stood still and looked around, for something, anything, some sign he was wrong but he saw nothing. Alec had looked everywhere, searched the entire Institute over and over, but Magnus was nowhere to be found, he was…gone. As the weight of that thought sunk in Alec’s chest grew tight, like someone was tightening a vice inside him. Alec’s mind tried to comprehend what that meant, to think how he could go on in a world without Magnus. Alec knew it wasn’t possible, without Magnus there was no world for Alec.

Then Alec felt a hand tug at his elbow, a firm but familiar touch. Alec turned instantly and saw Magnus’s face and felt a wave of relief like he’d never known before burst through him. Where Alec’s mind had struggled to remember Magnus’s face before through the grief and fear as he looked at him now he remembered just how spectacularly beautiful the man standing before him was. Alec only let himself look upon Magnus for the briefest of moments before he grabbed the Warlock, throwing his arms around him. Alec needed to touch him, feel him, know that he was real, that he wasn’t a vision Alec’s grief filled mind had created.

 

Their bodies collided hard against one another and Alec loved the hard feel of Magnus’s chest against his, it was a feeling he knew, one that told him this was real. Magnus was real. He was here, he was safe…he was Alec’s. They wrapped their arms tighter around each other, heads buried in the other’s necks. Alec felt Magnus’s pulse thrumming against his lips, unable not to he pressed the lightest kiss against Magnus’s skin, terrified he’d never be allowed to again.

 

They broke apart but their hands stayed on the others bodies, terrified of letting the other go. Alec stared at Magnus like he was seeing him for the first time in years, chest still pounding, breaths coming in ragged pants. Alec wanted to say so much and nothing at the same time, what words could he say to convey to Magnus what he felt. He wanted to lose himself in Magnus, touch every part of him, rediscover every line of his body and never let him go. Alec thought he had lost him, lost Magnus forever…the fear of that feeling was worse than any pain he had felt before.

 

‘Magnus I thought…’ Alec murmured, not even sure where to begin.

 

Magnus as always knew exactly what Alec was thinking. ‘I found Madzie, I got her out just in time. I took her to Caterina’s…she’s safe.’

 

Magnus was talking faster than Alec had ever heard before, usually so calm and collected, adrenalin and nerves still running through him. Alec nodded though he wasn’t really listening to Magnus’s words, his own muddled fears and thoughts screaming in his head. Alec knew what he wanted to say, what he need to say, what he had kept locked inside for too long. Alec didn’t know if he had the courage to say it or what would happen after but he didn’t care.

 

‘Look…’ Alec began his breath coming in wild bursts. ‘Magnus, on every mission I’ve ever been one I’ve never felt that type of fear…ever.’ He paused, struggling to breathe. ‘Not knowing if you were alive or dead…’

 

Magnus was staring at him so intensely, his dark eyes locked with Alec’s.

 

Alec took a deep breath. ‘I was terrified.’

 

Magnus reached for his arm, uttering softly. ‘So was I.’

 

Alec’s breath struggled again; he felt the word’s burning at the back of his throat but still wasn’t sure he could say them. Even after everything that had happened tonight, after all he had almost lost he was afraid.

 

‘Magnus…I…’ he stammered.

 

Alec breaths were still falling wildly, arms shaking at his sides when he felt Magnus’s hand squeeze his arm lightly, reassuringly, the look in the Warlocks eyes said _it’s ok Alec, I know_. Magnus was still trying to comfort Alec, even now. As Alec looked at Magnus he felt something more powerful and certain than anything before in his life. Alec felt his breath slow slightly as an extraordinary sort of clarity filled his mind and found he was no longer afraid.

 

‘I love you.’

 

Silence followed his words, the sound of the early Manhattan traffic buzzed around them. Alec stared at Magnus, trying to gauge his reaction, he didn’t know it Magnus would say it back, that wasn’t why Alec had said it. Alec said it because he couldn’t not, he couldn’t deny it any longer, deny what he felt for Magnus, what Magnus meant to him. Tonight had been the most horrific night of his life, the fear he’d felt when he thought he’d lost Magnus, that Magnus would never know how Alec felt was too much.

 

Magnus looked back at Alec, gazing at him as if he was the most incredible thing in the world, his jaw clenched slightly.

 

‘I love you too.’ Magnus said in a low voice.

 

Alec thought his heart might burst from his chest as he heard the words fall from Magnus’s lips, never before letting himself believe he would one day hear. That incredible, beautiful, amazing, indescribable Magnus could feel that way about Alec.

 

Unable to do anything else Alec flung himself forward, one hand gripped Magnus’s shoulder whilst the other tugged his waist towards him until their lips collided. Although it was only yesterday Alec felt like it was a hundred years since he had kissed Magnus, since he had felt the Warlock’s perfect lips on his. Alec felt Magnus’s hands move to his back, stroking upwards, pulling Alec even closer to him, deepening the kiss.

 

Alec could kiss Magnus forever and vowed to himself now he would, for as long as Magnus would let him. Alec didn’t want to let Magnus go, terrified for being apart even for a second but eventually the need for air won out. They broke apart, Alec was shaking, his whole body filled a joy and happiness he’d never known. He lent his forehead against Magnus’s, noses brushing, he felt Magnus’s jaw clench, a grin appearing on his lips.

 

Alec needed to be even closer to Magnus, wrapping his arms around him once more, tucking his head into the crook of the Warlock’s neck, clinging to him desperately. Alec wanted to stay like this forever, wrapped up in Magnus but as the Shadowhunter’s continued to rush past them the horror and reality of the nights event slowly crept back into his mind.

 

Against every instinct in his body he pulled away from Magnus, slipping his hand into the Warlocks leading him away from the Institute entrance towards the small garden area, away from the crowds. There was an old wooden bench tucked by an huge Elm tree Alec and Jace had climbed countless times as children.

 

Neither had spoken, but the silence between them wasn’t awkward or strained, it was the opposite, there was a content peace between them. Alec held Magnus’s ringed hand in his, his fingers tracing light patterns over and over, still not speaking Alec brought Magnus’s hand to his lips.

 

‘I thought I’d lost you tonight…I get it now…’ he said softly eyes fixed on Magnus’s hand but he could feel the confused look on the Warlock’s face. ‘How you felt, that night…on the roof…’

 

Magnus sighed and gave a light nod of his head. ‘Alexander…’

 

Alec looked up, ‘I couldn’t bear it Magnus…if I lost you…I love you.’ Alec said again unable to keep the words from pouring out.

 

Magnus lent his head against Alec’s and squeezed his hand, ‘And I love you.’

 

Alec sighed, still not used to the sound of the words. He dipped his head down, kissing Magnus lightly.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus began, Alec heard the serious tone in his voice and grew nervous. ‘About what happened yesterday, with Isabelle…I’m so…’

 

Alec shook his head, ‘I don’t want to talk about that.’

 

‘But Alec I need to explain…’ Magnus protested.

 

Alec cut him off by kissing him again, fiercer this time, his mouth hard against Magnus’s.

 

‘No, Izzy’s going to be ok. It wasn’t your fault…none of it.’ Alec said firmly. ‘I don’t want to talk about it, it’s in the past…I only want to think about our future…together.’

 

‘Together.’ Magnus repeated, smiling at Alec’s words. A silence fell between them once more before Magnus asked. ‘Alexander?’

 

Alec tilted his head in question, ‘Yes?’

 

‘Kiss me.’ Magnus responded.

 

Alec smiled, a small breath escaping his lips before they crashed against Magnus’s, hands cupping his cheek, palms loving the feel of his stubble. A low groan rumbles at the back of Magnus’s throat as Alec slips his tongue inside, sweeping against Magnus’s own. Still revelling in the feel of being so close to Magnus once more Alec deepens the kiss, hands gripping at the Warlocks hard body, grasping wildly at his clothes, quickly losing himself in the amazing taste of Magnus on his tongue.

 

Alec begrudgingly broke away at the sound of someone awkwardly clearing their throat behind them, turning to see a very sheepish looking Raj standing there, his eyes looking anywhere but at the couple.

‘Sorry to interu…but they need…err Aldertree said as you’re now the Head of…’ Raj stammered then let out a frustrated breath. ‘They need you inside Alec.’

 

Alec sighed, knowing as much as he wanted to they couldn’t avoid the reality of the world forever. Also now he knew Magnus was safe he needed to check on Izzy and find out more from Jace just what had happened tonight.

 

‘I’ll be in in a minute.’ He said, nodding to Raj that he was dismissed. The Shadowhunter looked beyond relieved as he fled back inside. Alec turned back to Magnus. ‘I’m sorry, I have to go.’

 

Magnus smiled, ‘Duty calls.’

 

Alec smiled a half-smile, ‘I don’t know how long I’ll be…’

 

His words trailed off not sure what he was trying to say, but as always Magnus knew what he was thinking.

 

‘Come home when you can Shadowhunter.’ Magnus replied softly, kissing Alec’s lips lightly. ‘I’m not going anywhere.’

 

 

* * *

 

It was the early hours of the next morning when Alec finally returned to the loft, to Magnus. He was completely exhausted, the whole day had been horrific, now back in his rightful place as Head of the Institute he was responsible for leading them through this and he barely knew where to begin to pick up the pieces of the battle. He’d spent most of his day with Aldertree and other senior Shadowhunters, sending reports to the Clave and agreeing immediate actions. Valentine had been sent to Idris and was in a maximum security cell but there was still no sign of the Soul Sword, locating it was their number one priority now.

 

Alec had visited Izzy, she had been moved to her own room and though still weak seemed to be doing a little better. The healers had warned her the Yin-Fen withdrawal would not be easy and she had a hard road ahead, Alec promised her he would be there every step of the way. He offered to stay with her through the night but she was still so exhausted, the healers have her another sleeping draught, saying what she needed more than anything right now was rest.

 

Jace was reeling from his own revelations that night, not only did he find out Valentine had lied about injecting Jace with demon blood but he discovered that the zealot was also not his father. The truth meant that Clary was not Jace’s sister, it had all been another sick and twisted one of Valentines games. Alec couldn’t imagine what Jace was going through right now, Alec told him he would be there if he needed him but his parabatai said he’d needed some space to figure things out. Alec understood that better than anyone.

 

Much of Alec’s day and night had involved dealing with the casualties of the battle, Shadowhunter and Downworlder alike. It had been beyond awful, there was so much chaos and devastation, so much death. Each time Alec faced a relative or loved one of someone who lost their lives in the battle it felt as though a little bit of his soul broke away. Alec knew this wasn’t the end, that more pain would follow but for tonight he could do no more. It was almost 2am when he submitted his final update to the Clave, telling Aldertree he would be back in the morning but he needed to go, he needed to go home.

 

Magnus was still waiting for him when he came through the door, sitting in the living room, lit by low candle light reading.

 

‘You should be asleep.’ Alec said as he entered the loft. ‘You must be exhausted.’

 

‘Look who’s talking.’ Magnus replied closing the book. ‘You’ve been up for over 48 hours straight Alec.’

 

Alec sighed, Magnus wasn’t wrong he couldn’t remember a time he was so tired, every part of his body ached. He raised a hand to his eyes and winced.

 

Magnus rose to his feet and sidled up to Alec, dipping his hand into the Shadowhunters. ‘Let’s go to bed.’

 

Alec followed Magnus silently, though his body was physically exhausted it seemed to have reignited, come alive once more by the fire of Magnus’s touch. Despite all the horror and pain they had endured Alec’s mind now only seemed to focus on one thing, Magnus, being with Magnus again completely.

 

They entered the bedroom hand in hand when Alec stopped dead. Magnus turned to him a confused expression on his face as Alec’s hand fell from his.

 

‘Alec…are you ok?’ he asked.

 

Alec said nothing, he stepped forward grabbing Magnus by his shoulders and smothering the Warlock’s mouth with his. Surprised Magnus almost squealed against his mouth, the kiss was both wild and rough yet tender and loving at once. Alec deepened the kiss, hands desperately grabbing at Magnus’s shirt, the Warlock’s hands gripped at Alec’s wrists, remembering a similar time weeks ago when Alec had come to him so desperately.

 

‘Alec, wait…’ Magnus breathed. ‘I think we should slow down.’

 

Alec shook his head and kissed Magnus again. ‘Magnus…please…I want you…I want to be with you, _completely._ ’

 

Magnus understood his meaning instantly and sighed, this wasn’t the right time. Alec was reeling from the nights events and not thinking clearly.

 

‘You’re exhausted Alec.’ He said moving his hands to Alec’s arms soothingly, not wanting this conversation to end as the one before, especially after all that had happened between them. ‘You’ve been through so much, you’re not…’

 

‘I love you.’ Alec said cutting off Magnus’s words. ‘I love you Magnus.’

 

‘And I love you Alec but that doesn’t mean you have to…’ Magnus continued.

 

Alec shrugged himself free from Magnus’s arms, he needed to make Magnus see, this wasn’t about what Magnus thought it was…Alec wasn’t trying to prove himself, prove his love for Magnus, wasn’t trying to make up for the pain and hurt they had caused each other. He wanted this; he needed this, for himself. In truth he’d wanted it for so long.

 

‘This war is far from over Magnus. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow or the day after but I do know that there is more to come, more pain, more death…anyone of us could…’ Alec’s worlds faltered slightly as he thought back to this morning, when for a brief moment he thought he had lost Magnus.

 

Magnus said nothing, knowing Alec needed to say this.

 

‘I _love_ you…’ Alec repeated moving closer to Magnus. ‘I can’t bear another moment not being with you…I want you Magnus…’

 

Magnus felt his heart thundering in his chest, though he heard the certainty in Alec’s words he felt hesitant. ‘Alexander…’

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec closed the space that separated him from Magnus, hands falling to his hips as his lips brushed over Magnus’s. ‘Make love to me.’

 

For a hazy moment, Magnus stares at Alec unable to do anything else as he let Alec’s words sink in. Alec opens his mouth to speak again but Magnus is already there, his hands move roughly to the back of Alec’s neck guiding his lips back to his. Magnus tongue delves into Alec’s mouth as his skilled fingers push and shove at Alec’s jacket and shirt, quickly ridding Alec off both items in wild movements, hastily hurtling the shirt over his shoulder Magnus hears a light crash, not caring what it was. All he can think about is the man in his arms.

 

Alec quickly sets to work ridding Magnus of his shirt, practically ripping the buttons open as he guides their tangled bodies backwards towards the bed. Both hurriedly shrug off their own pants and underwear, too impatient for slow, delicate movements. They collide against one another, naked and hard, bodies on fire and fall to the bed. Magnus rolls them so he is above Alec, his lips instantly finding the Shadowhunter’s hot skin, sucking, licking, tasting his neck, drawing exquisite patterns with the tip of his tongue as he moved down Alec’s perfect torso. He swirled his tongue across one nipple before taking it into his mouth, biting lightly as Alec growls above him, hips bucking forward in reaction to Magnus’s actions.

 

Magnus can feel how hard Alec is already, thick and wet against his hip and reaches down for his cock, wrapping his elegant hand around the base. Alec hisses his hands unable to do little more than weave their way into Magnus’s dark locks, gripping tightly as the Warlocks mouth moves to his other nipple as his hand slowly works up and down Alec’s cock. Alec groans craving the feel of Magnus’s warm lips on his, he moves his hands from Magnus hair, cupping his chin bringing the man back to him. Tongues thrust wildly against the other, Alec’s hands clasping and clawing at Magnus’s bare back.

 

Magnus pulls away, resting his forehead against Alec, slowing but not stopping his movements. ‘Alexander…are you su…’

 

Alec doesn’t let him finish his question instead tilts his head up kissing Magnus hard, biting his bottom lip.

 

‘I love you.’ Is all the Shadowhunter says in response.

 

Magnus kissed him softer this time, ‘I love you Alec.’

 

Magnus kissed him again, returning his lips to Alec’s jaw, moving back down his neck, his chest, dipping into the hard muscles of his stomach, his hand still working Alec’s cock slowly in his hand. Magnus wants to make this as easy as he can for Alec, wanting to prep him as much as possible, lessen the discomfort as much as he can.

 

Magnus’s head moves lower, sucking at the skin of Alec’s hip bone, biting lightly before his lips go further, kissing the hot skin of Alec’s thighs. Alec twists and turns above him, feet clenching at the bottom of the bed, kicking at the duvet so desperate for what is to come.

 

Alec moans as the Warlock continues the slow movements of his hands in contrast to the rough actions of his mouth. Alec can feel Magnus’s hot breath on his skin, warm lips so close to his cock he’s not sure he can wait much longer.

 

‘Magnus…’ he pleads.

 

Finally he feels the flick of Magnus’s hot tongue on the underside of his throbbing cock and Alec groans, a low guttural sound escapes his body as Magnus’s tongue laps at the wet throbbing head. Both men moan, deep animal sounds when Magnus takes Alec into his mouth, swallowing his thick hard cock completely. Magnus curls his hand at the base of Alec’s cock guiding it into his mouth as he moves his head up and down, drawing it deeper and deeper into his throat.

 

Alec cries out above him, hands clutching desperately at Magnus’s hair once more as his body vibrates and pulses at the feel of Magnus’s expert tongue. Magnus pulls his lips back completely, keeping his fingers entwined around Alec’s throbbing shaft as his tongue laps at Alec’s throbbing slit, causing the Shadowhunter to buck wildly above him. Magnus repeats the delicious movement before swallowing Alec back down once more, hollowing his cheeks as he bobs his head more rapidly, he knows Alec is getting close, he can feel the hot salty taste of Alec’s release against the back of his throat. He increases his pace, wanting to bring Alec over the edge, wanting his body already humming with pleasure and bliss before Magnus takes him.

 

 

Magnus swirls his tongue up and down wildly before dragging Alec’s throbbing cock back into his mouth, slamming the back of his throat. Alec’s whole body tenses, his hands painfully clutching Magnus’s hair as he explodes in Magnus’s mouth, the Warlock holds his mouth tighter around his dick as he took all Alec had to give him.

 

Alec collapses back against the bed, chest heaving, his breath falling in rapid waves, Magnus’s name a desperate whisper from his lips, his hands moving softer through the Warlocks hair. Magnus knows Alec is close following his orgasm but still not ready; he wants to give Alec more.

 

Magnus licks his tongue up and down Alec’s dick, feeling it already start to grow firm again before moving down, taking one of Alec’s balls into his mouth, licking and sucking it, then the other. Magnus moved his tongue lower, circling Alec’s tight hole causing a rough, strained moan to fall from his lover’s mouth. Magnus lapped at Alec slowly, less frantically than he had in his attentions to Alec’s cock. His tongue moved in circles, gently probing Alec’s tight entrance.

 

Alec moaned tilting his head back, the feel of Magnus’s mouth on him there was incredible. Alec was so far gone in the feelings Magnus was giving him he didn’t see the wave of Magnus’s fingers as the small bottle of liquid appeared from nowhere on the bed nor hear the soft click of the lid opening. Magnus was already bringing Alec to a wild, wet heat when he pushed a slick finger in alongside his tongue, wanting to do all he could to ensure Alec was ready.

 

‘God…Magnus…’ Alec groaned.

 

Magnus pushed another finger inside and scissored the two digits, carefully stretching and opening Alec up, whilst still lapping at him with his tongue. Alec was panting roughly above him, his body trying not to flail wildly, his eyes dark and full of wonder, revelling in the rawness of the moment. Magnus moved his mouth up slightly, licking and sucking at Alec’s balls, the underside of his already rock hard again dick, moving his lips wildly matching the pace of his fingers, which had become three, inside Alec who whimpered as he felt Magnus curl his fingers, pressing against the perfect place inside him. Magnus’s own cock was painfully hard, straining against the bed, he knew he wouldn’t last much longer.  Magnus pulled his fingers back and sat up. Alec whimpered at the emptiness he felt, eyes fluttering opening in protest when he gasped, seeing Magnus on his knees before him, hands around his own cock, coating it. Alec took a sharp breath, his heart thundered in his chest but he wasn’t nervous or afraid. He had never wanted anything as much as he wanted this right now.

 

‘Lie back Alexander.’ Magnus said softly, coming between Alec’s knees and edging them apart slightly.

 

Alec did as he was instructed, trusting Magnus completely. The Warlock hovered his body above Alec’s, he wanted Alec’s first time to be like this, he wanted to watch Alec as he took him completely. Alec felt Magnus’s wet hard dick brush against his already throbbing entrance but he didn’t move yet. Magnus brushed his face across Alec’s, his nose tracing Alec’s cheeks before his lips crashed down.

 

‘I’ll go slow…tell me if want to stop.’ Magnus whispered.

 

Alec nodded, unable to speak even if he’d wanted to, eyes flickering shut as he feels Magnus’s hand slip between them, gripping his own as he lined it up to Alec’s wet hole. Alec felt the tip press against him and bit his lip, sucking in a tight breath as he felt Magnus slow push inside, he couldn’t help but close his eyes, the feel of Magnus’s dick was already so much more than his fingers. Alec gripped tightly at Magnus’s side as he pushed forward, Alec felt as though his entire body was on fire, a hot searing pain ripped through him as Magnus stretched him open completely. It hurt, Alec knew that it would but it also felt completely amazing and astonishing, like his body was waking up for the first time.

 

Once he’d bottomed out Magnus stilled for a moment, allowing Alec time to adjust to the feel of him. Magnus used all his willpower not to move, not to pound into Alec wild and relentlessly until the Shadowhunter was crying his name the way Magnus had dreamed about so many times. Tonight was about Alec not Magnus’s desires, though finally being inside Alec felt incredible, Alec was so tight and hot Magnus wasn’t sure how long he was going to last.

 

‘Alec…you ok?’ Magnus murmured against Alec’s lips.

 

Alec nodded once more leaning up to kiss Magnus, drawing his body closer to his. Magnus slowly began to move, moving at a steady gentle pace. Alec whimpered as Magnus rolled his hips, feeling his tight hole clench around his dick, stretching to accommodate the feel of Magnus inside him. Magnus pulled back, trying to keep his rhythm steady and calm himself enough to watch Alec. He lifted his head, brushing sweat soaked hair from Alec’s face, finally seeing the look in his eyes Magnus had craved for so long. The look of wonderment and bliss, the look of finally being joined completely that Magnus felt when Alec was inside him, despite all the pleasures Magnus had given Alec with his mouth and hands, this moment now was indescribable.

 

The pain started to fade away, becoming more sore than painful as Magnus continued his movements. Alec’s body revelled in the feel of Magnus inside him, acting with a will of its own as his hands stroked down Magnus’s sides, settling on his round ass, nails digging in. Magnus groaned against Alec’s neck, biting the skin, he began to move his hips faster, still not too frantically but harder than before. Alec’s hands on Magnus’s ass gripped harder in response, guiding Magnus’s thrusts. Magnus couldn’t help but increase his pace, hips rolling inside Alec rougher than before. Alec let out a strained groan, moving one hand to the back of Magnus’s neck guiding his lips to Alec’s, tongues crashing together, wild and messy.

 

‘I love you…I love you…’ Alec murmured against Magnus’s lips as the Warlock moved fasted, now slamming his body into the bed. ‘God I love you.’

 

Now so lost in the feel of Magnus pounding inside him Alec felt nothing but pleasure, his entire body was on fire. He brought his legs up, wrapping them around Magnus’ waist, raising his hips to meet each thrust time. Knowing they were both so close Magnus angled his hips, pounding into the perfect spot inside Alec with each hard thrust as his tongue lapped at Alec’s own. Alec’s breath hitched, gasping as he shut his eyes biting down on his lip hard. Magnus brought a hand to Alec’s cheek, thumb running over his bottom lip.

 

‘Look at me Alec…’ Magnus commanded, voice raw and hot matching the intensity of the moment.

 

Alec opened his eyes and saw the pure love in Magnus’s staring back at him, still struggling to believe that this exquisite creature could want him so much, could love him like he did. Alec knew he would never be able to let Magnus go, Magnus was his and he was Magnus’s. So lost in the feel of Magnus’s gaze alongside his movements inside him Alec bit down on Magnus’s thumb at his lip and Magnus almost came right then.

 

Magnus growled and dropped his forehead to Alec’s, his thrust became wild and rough, the sounds of hot skin meeting skin as he pounded into Alec before reaching down and running his thumb over the head of Alec’s throbbing dick. Alec’s hands gripped at Magnus’s side, digging deep into his flesh as he finally let go, exploding all over his stomach, a strangled cry of Magnus’s name falling from his lips. Magnus drove a few final erratic thrusts before letting go, coming harder than he could ever remember deep inside Alec, his body jolting as the aftershocks of his orgasm ripped through him. He collapsed on top of Alec, breathing heavily in his ear. Alec loved the weight of Magnus on him, hands lightly tracing Magnus’s sweat soaked back.

 

With the little strength he had left Magnus eventually rolled to the side slowly pulling himself from Alec, who winced at his movements. The pain which had been momentarily over taken by the immense pleasure of Magnus slowly ebbed back between his legs but Alec didn’t care.

 

They lay in silence for a few moments, both staring at the ceiling, body’s touching down the side, arms touching arms, legs touching legs. Alec’s chest was heaving rapidly as his mind tried to adjust to the euphoria his body and heart had just experienced.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus’s voice was soft in the night. ‘Are you ok?’

 

Magnus rolled onto his side, who copied his movements in turn so they were facing one another. Alec lent forward and kissed him.

 

‘I love you.’ Was all Alec could say.

 

Magnus smiled, ‘I love you…so much Alec I…’

 

Alec kissed him again silencing any further words and pulled Magnus to him, tucking the Warlock into the crook of his body, knowing they both needed sleep. Soon Alec recognised the soft even breathing of Magnus’s sleep and sighed, hoping his own would soon follow.

 

Enough had been said for tonight, they had the rest of their lives to figure everything else out, no matter what tomorrow brought, what horrors they would face in this war Alec knew they would face them together. His eyes grew heavy and he cast one last look at the man asleep in his arms. For the first time in a long time Alec remembered what it felt like to have hope, to have something worth fighting for.

 


End file.
